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Original poster

Is this odd for me to ask? - DSs girlfriend?

337 replies

Isthisweirdthough · 14/03/2024 22:08

Ds has been with this absolutely lovely girl for around a year now. I adore her.

I managed to get 2 very good tickets for a band I love, and I know that she loves them too. The tickets were expensive so I want to take a fan.

Is it odd to ask her? I've bought tickets for ds, her and me to go to a couple of things before and its been fine, but this would be me and her alone.

It would involve travelling and an overnight stay.

This is my sons first serious relationship and I really want to include her in stuff, but don't want to be too overbearing either.

Would you feel weird if your boyfriends mum took you to a gig alone?

OP posts:
Katbum · 16/03/2024 09:39

Just text her ‘i have 2 tickets to x in x on x date - would you like to come with me, no worries if you have other plans’. Gives her an out and casual so not pressuring

Original poster
Isthisweirdthough · 16/03/2024 11:30

Katbum · 16/03/2024 09:39

Just text her ‘i have 2 tickets to x in x on x date - would you like to come with me, no worries if you have other plans’. Gives her an out and casual so not pressuring

Thank you.

I asked and she accepted in about 2 seconds 🤣

Thanks for all your lovely messages and the advice everyone 💐 I appreciate you all.

OP posts:
DoughBallss · 16/03/2024 13:56

Not sure why people are suggesting your DS needs to go along, if I was her I’d say yes!

I think it’s a lovely thing to do and very thoughtful.

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Imisssleep2 · 16/03/2024 15:06

It's lovely that you want to take her and really it depends on how long they have been together and your relationship with her. I personally would go if I was her to the gig but wouldn't be so sure on the over night stay, less weird if separate rooms though.

Proudbitch · 16/03/2024 16:00

Isthisweirdthough · 15/03/2024 00:18

Oh I have definitely over complicated things, I start off wondering if I should invite her out to a gig, and I end up analysing everything to the point I've imagined all my kids will go NC with me because I've made such a terrible mistake 🤣

Thank you everyone, I'm just going to mention it next week to her and take it from there.

Aw you sound so lovely! Sorry I haven’t read all the messages but don’t overthink it, you can ask her and all she can do is say no.
I think it’s really lovely to be warm and welcoming to her like you have been doing.

All she can do is say no, but it’s not a weird thing to ask!

Proudbitch · 16/03/2024 16:01

Isthisweirdthough · 16/03/2024 11:30

Thank you.

I asked and she accepted in about 2 seconds 🤣

Thanks for all your lovely messages and the advice everyone 💐 I appreciate you all.

Show quote history

Sorry now I’ve read this! Yay that’s great :)

Sundownmemories · 16/03/2024 16:48

Isthisweirdthough · 14/03/2024 22:08

Ds has been with this absolutely lovely girl for around a year now. I adore her.

I managed to get 2 very good tickets for a band I love, and I know that she loves them too. The tickets were expensive so I want to take a fan.

Is it odd to ask her? I've bought tickets for ds, her and me to go to a couple of things before and its been fine, but this would be me and her alone.

It would involve travelling and an overnight stay.

This is my sons first serious relationship and I really want to include her in stuff, but don't want to be too overbearing either.

Would you feel weird if your boyfriends mum took you to a gig alone?

Honestly I think this is a lovely idea and I would be thrilled if I was the girlfriend. I’d probably ok it with your son first just to make sure he isn’t planning to break up with her or anything. But honestly absolutely go for it. If it’s serious, having a close relationship now will mean it’ll be easier having a close relationships if/when they have their own family.
I went to a similar event with my mother in law after being with my now husband for around a year. We are so lucky to get on well and she now loves being a hands on grandma. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

KatyJ89 · 16/03/2024 17:26

Not weird at all. Man I still miss my ex's mum ten years later 😩😩 worth bearing that in mind 🤣 I cried for months when I lost that woman when relationship broke down.

Nosygirl01 · 16/03/2024 17:36

Hope you have the best time!

Original poster
Isthisweirdthough · 16/03/2024 17:37

Imisssleep2 · 16/03/2024 15:06

It's lovely that you want to take her and really it depends on how long they have been together and your relationship with her. I personally would go if I was her to the gig but wouldn't be so sure on the over night stay, less weird if separate rooms though.

Unfortunately the overnight stay has to happen, the gig is hours away, and we will be taking the train down, so there's no choice. I have a 2 bed apartment though. She's absolutely fine with it thankfully.

Thanks again everyone.

OP posts:
KWinter · 16/03/2024 18:05

I think it’s so kind and mindful of you to ask a forum what the etiquette is 💕. Personally I’d check with your DS first, before anything else. If he is uncomfortable with it hen it’s probably not a goer. If he is happy with it, approach it with DS’s GF, but emphasise that it’s a “no worries if you don’t want to” vibe! You sound lovely and tactful though so you’ve probably already thought this through. All the best!

Joelkimmo · 16/03/2024 18:35

Isthisweirdthough · 14/03/2024 22:30

Ds would never dream of it in a million years, and actually he and my partner (of 4 years) go to the football and golf together regularly now I think about it.

Show quote history

I think this is perfect. Hi xx I managed to get 2 ticket to (band) would you like to come with me? I don’t really know anyone who likes them as much as you do. I go the theatre with my MIL something we both enjoy that neither my DH or FIL do

JMSA · 16/03/2024 18:40

You're lovely, OP Star

JMSA · 16/03/2024 18:42

Anyway, it's a one-night thing, not a round the world holiday!
Those who think it's odd, well, it says more about them really.

Blueblell · 16/03/2024 19:02

I think it is absolutely fine! Not sure why people would find it weird.

Mermaidsarereal · 16/03/2024 19:06

It's a lovely idea, definitely invite her. If she doesn't fancy it I'm sure she'll say no and be honest!

Ruthdpl · 16/03/2024 19:11

If it’s Take That and you’re near the front, nobody in their right mind would say no! I’ve been going with my daughter since she was 11 and she’s 41 now!! Have a great night.👍

Notateacheranymore · 16/03/2024 19:18

GYNisaliarWTF · 14/03/2024 23:15

I’m here to say a few things

  • you sound absolutely delightful
  • you’re worried that you’re doing it wrong, bad mums don’t worry they’re doing it wrong
  • I’m 30, I love gigs. If she isn’t coming, I am
  • you sound super thoughtful & mindful of both their feelings, but if you already meet up for lunches etc, and providing you’re not planning to ask her to go away for the night with you on a monthly basis (I’m sure this is a one off) - then absolutely.
  • I’d kill for a mother in law that thought about me like you do her, and been cautious in your approach, so be proud of that.

just say ‘hey DS’sGF, I’ve got tickets for bestbandever, wanted to give you first dibs on coming with me before I ask anyone else as I know you love them! Date is ‘x’ & I’ve booked an apartment, it’s all paid for! If you do fancy it please let me know, and if not don’t worry, I’ll ask one of the rest of the clan!’

I saw your PP, if you tell her you’ve got tickets then expect her to volunteer herself, that likely won’t happen (my mother would say that would be really cheeky to suggest)
and I’m assuming as you like her so much, she’s been brought up fairly well & would also not wish to come across rude to you.

good luck OP you’re doing a smashing job.

👆This

BithaTulip · 16/03/2024 19:19

I think it's a lovely idea (as a mother of older children). Definitely offer it as an option as though you have another friend lined up (even if you don't) but if you chat over coffee and lunch, a gig isn't too much further on in my opinion!

Famfirst · 16/03/2024 19:22

You sound fab! I'm in a similar situation with my eldest just now and I also talk myself in and out of things daily as to how I should or shouldn't be so I know exactly what you're going through 🤯😄

Enjoy the gig and give Howard a wave from me 😍😂

Devonshirerexx · 16/03/2024 19:30

People can be Harsh!!!
Just ask the girl if she fancies going with you as you bought two tickets and a two bedroomed apartment, and giving her 1st refusal before you ask anyone else as you know she enjoys the band.
I think you arw over thinking the whole thing, if it feels as awkward as you are making it sound then take one of your own with you.
I'm sure she would be delighted.

Countrygirlxo · 16/03/2024 19:32

I think it's a lovely idea and it's so nice that you think so highly of her. Lucky her having a mum-in-law like you

Kkee · 16/03/2024 20:35

Hey, I'm 25 and just moved in with my boyfriend of 3 years! His mum and I get on really well, she is a lovely lady. Just like you, yourself sound! We often go for coffee etc. She has other children also but I try to spend time with her when I can . It's a lovely Idea and you both Love the band! Please, just ask her what is the worst that can happen. My boyfriend really appreciates that I take time out to spend with his mum.

Hyperfix8d · 16/03/2024 21:05

PLEASE TAKE THE FAN

I say this as a fan that goes solo to gigs alone all the time. There is a different atmosphere to fan gigs are different. I say this as someone who attends small gigs solo.

Reb2014 · 16/03/2024 21:07

Honestly this has made me feel really emotional. I know you’ve already messaged her and she’s said yes, but I just wanted to say I think you sound like an amazing (future ;)) MIL. My MIL died this year and it makes me sad I’ll never get to have a close relationship with my MIL (she was a terrible mum so we didn’t have any contact with her), but I wish I could have had someone like you :) even if they don’t work out, your son knows you’ve made an effort with someone he cares about and want to support him, and if they do last you’ve got an amazing & unique experience that you’ve shared. Sounds like a win on both sides