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Original poster

Is this odd for me to ask? - DSs girlfriend?

337 replies

Isthisweirdthough · 14/03/2024 22:08

Ds has been with this absolutely lovely girl for around a year now. I adore her.

I managed to get 2 very good tickets for a band I love, and I know that she loves them too. The tickets were expensive so I want to take a fan.

Is it odd to ask her? I've bought tickets for ds, her and me to go to a couple of things before and its been fine, but this would be me and her alone.

It would involve travelling and an overnight stay.

This is my sons first serious relationship and I really want to include her in stuff, but don't want to be too overbearing either.

Would you feel weird if your boyfriends mum took you to a gig alone?

OP posts:
Becgoz7 · 16/03/2024 21:21

Isthisweirdthough · 14/03/2024 22:08

Ds has been with this absolutely lovely girl for around a year now. I adore her.

I managed to get 2 very good tickets for a band I love, and I know that she loves them too. The tickets were expensive so I want to take a fan.

Is it odd to ask her? I've bought tickets for ds, her and me to go to a couple of things before and its been fine, but this would be me and her alone.

It would involve travelling and an overnight stay.

This is my sons first serious relationship and I really want to include her in stuff, but don't want to be too overbearing either.

Would you feel weird if your boyfriends mum took you to a gig alone?

I would just ask her. Say no pressure and see what she says. I know my daughter would.live it if her future mil did this. She's the same age..

membershipplease · 16/03/2024 21:33

Don’t listen to the negative comments OP. I’m in my twenties so probs not too dissimilar to your DS’ girlfriend. I’d have absolutely loved MIL to be like you. Feeling accepted is truly the best thing for a relationship.

My Mil kept her distance, acted nice enough. Turns out she was nasty and DH is now no contact. I’ve seen the sides to it. Ask her and ensure she has an easy way to make an excuse - she can easily do that if she feels awkward. I bet she’ll be overjoyed and happy though.

membershipplease · 16/03/2024 21:34

She’s such a lucky girl. Sounds like you have an amazing son and you’re an amazing mother in law. You should be the mould for all mums.

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honeyfox · 16/03/2024 21:40

I'm so happy she was totally on for it! You sound lovely, I wish you were my MIL. I have one but she has definitely not met expectations 😆

katseyes7 · 16/03/2024 21:42

I took my ex's (not husband) eldest (she was about 17 then) to see Lady Gaga. We didn't stay over, it was relatively local, but if we'd needed to, we would have.
I bought her ticket for her for as part of her Christmas present, and she was thrilled. I was nearly 60 then, but we got on incredibly well. She was like a daughter to me.

MrsPerfect12 · 16/03/2024 21:47

Yay! I love a happy ending 🥰

KentLife01 · 16/03/2024 21:52

I think it's a lovely idea. Just ask her with no obligation or agenda. Ask in a very non committal way so she doesn't feel she has to say yes. Say you have others you can ask, that you just wanted to secure the tickets and deal with who would go with you after the fact. It could be if you don't ask and she knows you're going she might wonder why you didn't ask her. If she says no, drag a friend along and have a great time regardless. Enjoy.

whynotwhatknot · 16/03/2024 21:56

ave a great time im going aswell in april you'll love it

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 16/03/2024 22:13

Hi OP - have just read through your thread and really empathise with your uncertainty with regard to your relationship with your DS' GF - ie being friendly but not OTT. I worry about this too. I'm glad to see that this has worked out for you - hope you both enjoy the concert .

Teenagehorrorbag · 16/03/2024 22:39

Ah - glad to see the update! You definitely overthought this but understandably. You obviously have a great relationship with your DS and his GF - bet she's over the moon and he will be really happy that you get on so well.

If she had felt in any way awkward she'd have been fine to decline. But it's lovely that you have a fellow fan to go with, hope you both have an absolutely amazing time! (Well obviously you will....).

The only potentially tricky issue is the cost - £250 plus accommodation is steep and she may feel a bit awkward about that. I assume you can afford this without it being a big deal so you just might want to mention that you grabbed the two tickets because you really wanted to go and to take a companion - if she couldn't make it one of your other DCs would have gone, but you're really pleased to take a fellow fan. You'd have paid regardless who went.

But it sounds as though she's chill anyway - so enjoy!!

Copperoliverbear · 16/03/2024 22:40

I think it's fine if you get on well x

sarahsunny · 16/03/2024 22:42

Oh God, I think that's horrendous 😳But then I'd find the coffees and lunches too much already, so maybe your relationship is just different anyway to what I know.

surreygirl1987 · 16/03/2024 23:27

Isthisweirdthough · 15/03/2024 20:59

I'm so delighted she is coming, we have been messaging backwards and forwards and she asked how long I had been stressing about asking her to come 🤣

I think she maybe knows me too well.

Love this 😊

Daisyblue77 · 16/03/2024 23:28

Its not weird at all.
its a great idea

LittleButtercup · 17/03/2024 02:22

You sound so lovely OP! You remind me
of my own MIL who passed away unexpectedly last year. She was such a lovely woman and I miss her dearly. Your ‘DIL’ is lucky to have you!

IWishIWasABaller · 17/03/2024 02:36

You sound like a lovely kind generous person op, I'm delighted that she is going with you , hope you have the best time 💖

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 17/03/2024 04:34

Isthisweirdthough · 15/03/2024 18:19

She responded in 3 seconds flat 🤣

Yes she is coming, she said if she's on shift she will simply quit her job. I told her it's all my treat, and she has said she will buy the wine and will get us Tshirts. She is very excited and not weirded out at all.

So I managed to create a massive drama in my head about absolutely nothing.

Thank you all, I am so excited about this gig, and so happy I'm going with another massive fan.

Fantastic!! You sound lovely btw! Just a nice offer but with no pressure to actually accept. Well done 👍

I hope you’ll have a great time! Enjoy the concert :)

Nettie1964 · 17/03/2024 05:14

My bbf is would do this and she is a very popular and loved MIL. She has fantastic relationships with her sil and dil. She also got on well with all the exes too. Go for it.

BeWarmPombear · 17/03/2024 06:26

Its such a lovely idea, l mean staying overnight with my mother in law would be weird ( if we did not get on well ) but sounds like she sees you as family too and you already go iut together. From the times you see each other do you feel free talking to her and hef talking to you? Dont want to sit in a car and not talk for hours.

Could run it past your son to ask if he thinks she would like this and if he says yes then ask her even if he says no still you have tickets of a band both love. Just ask she is an adult can easily say no. As suggested could start with l have tickets l know you night be busy but wanted to ask you as l know you love the same band...... It's lovely and thoughtful of you. But with things like this would she needs to contribute? If so could say it's a gift if near birthday. I mean you got a two roomed apartment so she still has privacy and sees you as family so she sees you beyonjust t boyfriend's mother.

NappiesAndBunFluff · 17/03/2024 07:50

Lovely that you two are going!
(Just had this pop up as a suggested thread and read through your updates and it's made me smile on a Sunday morning)

Original poster
Isthisweirdthough · 17/03/2024 07:51

Thank you all for the lovely posts (and thanks for the one saying this is horrendous too 🤣 I don't feel as though I'm the most OTT person ever now since that massive over reaction)

Unfortunately, although I do appreciate the kind words, I will be unable to pass any messages on to Howard for you guys, our time will be very limited and I won't have time, any messages for Mark or Gary will be happily passed on though 🤣

I'm so sorry that so many of us don't have the MILs we deserve, but I do believe that's going to make us all brilliant MILs when the time comes (even if you have to check on with MN over the most basic of things).

I'm also glad to read that stressing about this kind of thing is relatively normal. It is such a weird position to be in, you love your child, and they love someone, but it's not a parental relationship but it's not a friendship either.... it's a tough one. I'm just lucky with my lovely sons choice of partner, she really is amazing.

OP posts:
Kanelsnegl · 17/03/2024 08:13

Isthisweirdthough · 17/03/2024 07:51

Thank you all for the lovely posts (and thanks for the one saying this is horrendous too 🤣 I don't feel as though I'm the most OTT person ever now since that massive over reaction)

Unfortunately, although I do appreciate the kind words, I will be unable to pass any messages on to Howard for you guys, our time will be very limited and I won't have time, any messages for Mark or Gary will be happily passed on though 🤣

I'm so sorry that so many of us don't have the MILs we deserve, but I do believe that's going to make us all brilliant MILs when the time comes (even if you have to check on with MN over the most basic of things).

I'm also glad to read that stressing about this kind of thing is relatively normal. It is such a weird position to be in, you love your child, and they love someone, but it's not a parental relationship but it's not a friendship either.... it's a tough one. I'm just lucky with my lovely sons choice of partner, she really is amazing.

For what it's worth I'm now 29 but have been with my husband for ten years and therefore with him around a similar time at a similar age as your dil now and I wouldn't have found it weird at all back then. I love my mil, we're very close and she has been open and including me in everything from the beginning it never felt overbearing or weird just really lovely. I'm sure you'll both have a great time!

Hayleysharples · 17/03/2024 08:16

If this is how she is a d the relationship you have with her then she will be fine I'm sure she will want to make as much of an effort with you as you with her. I know I have always since a young girl tried to bond with my other halfs parents especially the mother's but nearly all have always thought their sons were to good or I wasn't good enough. So to have a mother in law(ish) like you that wants to make the effort is refreshing. Even at 36 and married my mother in law now have only just accepted me since having my children. You know your relationship and you don't need sons permission or to beat around the bush to do something nice. The separate beds is a good idea.

14245A · 17/03/2024 08:24

Read all of this, I too am a huge fan and have regularly bought extra tickets for my friends/family who just aren’t. Oooo the excitement of going with another fan!!
I too am an over thinker and could have written this 😂 so pleased you asked her and she said yes!!
we are travelling to Nottingham this tour… hope you both enjoy every second.

Danni1970 · 17/03/2024 09:24

Why are you buying tickets for your Ds gf. Give the ticket to your son so he can take his gf, Or go to the concert with your own friends. Don't get involved in their relationship