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Original poster

Is this odd for me to ask? - DSs girlfriend?

337 replies

Isthisweirdthough · 14/03/2024 22:08

Ds has been with this absolutely lovely girl for around a year now. I adore her.

I managed to get 2 very good tickets for a band I love, and I know that she loves them too. The tickets were expensive so I want to take a fan.

Is it odd to ask her? I've bought tickets for ds, her and me to go to a couple of things before and its been fine, but this would be me and her alone.

It would involve travelling and an overnight stay.

This is my sons first serious relationship and I really want to include her in stuff, but don't want to be too overbearing either.

Would you feel weird if your boyfriends mum took you to a gig alone?

OP posts:
Scarletttulips · 17/03/2024 09:39

She brought the tickets for herself and her DS isn’t a fan!

Please at least read the thread.

Original poster
Isthisweirdthough · 17/03/2024 09:39

Danni1970 · 17/03/2024 09:24

Why are you buying tickets for your Ds gf. Give the ticket to your son so he can take his gf, Or go to the concert with your own friends. Don't get involved in their relationship

Under no circumstances will I be giving up my ticket. He doesn't like them, and this has been 30 odd years in the making for me.

I'm not trying to get involved in their relationship either, I'm trying to forge my own relationship with someone who is very important to my son and just wanted a little advice on how to get it right, which I'm very thankful to have recieved in abundance.

OP posts:
Lollipop81 · 17/03/2024 09:44

Can’t see why so many people think this is weird. I think it’s lovely that you have such a good relationship with her. Go for it, if you get on so wel what is the problem.

Interested in this thread?

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LeedsMum87 · 17/03/2024 09:48

She’s an adult (22), you get on well and she loves the band, I can’t see any reason why you wouldn’t ask her! It’s up to her if she wants to accept or decline.
I often did one on one things with my mother in law before she passed away, they’re special memories I’ll always treasure xx

WishingOnAStar86 · 17/03/2024 10:00

People who say its weird, are weird. Of course you should ask! How kind and thoughtful. I would give her the option, though. Rather than say I bought them for the two of us.. Just say, "I bought two tickets to see 'x'... I have booked overnight stays for whoever comes but wanted to ask you first. Please don't feel obliged to say yes but the ticket is yours if you're up for it. Otherwise, I can't go with some else, for sure" ...Keep it casual.

If she says yes, then great! If she doesn't feel comfortable then don't take it to heart, either. Doesn't sound like she would feel uncomfortable, though! But you never know. Some people are just awkward haha

I think it's a sweet gesture! You're just giving her first refusal:)

Saz91x · 17/03/2024 10:00

Ask her! It’s not weird. It’s really love of you. She will be made up!!

WishingOnAStar86 · 17/03/2024 10:10

Just saw the update. Should have looked before commenting..

Glad that's the case and as I would have guessed. Some people just simply don't know what family means, obviously. It's sad, really

MintyCedric · 17/03/2024 10:15

Oh I’m so pleased to read your update…how lovely. I hope you both have a fabulous time.

GlasgowGal82 · 17/03/2024 10:42

Haven't read all the comments, but if I were you OP I'd send her a text saying:

"Hey, I have lucked out on getting really great tickets for the TT concert in May. I know you're a big fan too and would love for you to come with me. It's in xx so we'd need to stay overnight but I've booked a two bed apartment. Treat's on me, but no worries if you don't want to come because I will find someone else."

Text message means she has a chance to think about it and doesn't have to come up with an excuse on the spot if it's the last thing she'd want to do, but you seem like a lovely person and I am sure she'd be pleased to join you if she can! She might come back saying it's too much, but you could always ask her to get dinner or drinks so it feels like she's making a contribution too.

Original poster
Isthisweirdthough · 17/03/2024 11:29

Thank you all, she is coming and is delighted I asked her.

I am very confused by the people who think I should leave her alone though.

How long am I supposed to leave it? Until they move in, or get engaged, after marriage, or kids?

I don't think I could just never get to know her until some arbitrary time in which I deem their relationship suitable, and if I were her I would be pissed off if my MIL didn't bother with me until I had a child or whatever either.

It's not up to me to make a judgement on her worthiness based on how serious I think they are, it's my job to support my son, he loves her and she is amazing, so I want to make them both comfortable with me.

DS is also delighted I asked her, and is buying us the train tickets to get down there, and he is taking his gf shopping to buy her a whole new outfit for the gig, so I don't think he's hacked off with me getting to know her either.

OP posts:
Roryhon · 17/03/2024 12:13

Brilliant. Well done. Hope you both enjoy it.

LT1982 · 17/03/2024 13:43

Isthisweirdthough · 14/03/2024 22:08

Ds has been with this absolutely lovely girl for around a year now. I adore her.

I managed to get 2 very good tickets for a band I love, and I know that she loves them too. The tickets were expensive so I want to take a fan.

Is it odd to ask her? I've bought tickets for ds, her and me to go to a couple of things before and its been fine, but this would be me and her alone.

It would involve travelling and an overnight stay.

This is my sons first serious relationship and I really want to include her in stuff, but don't want to be too overbearing either.

Would you feel weird if your boyfriends mum took you to a gig alone?

Gig- not weird. Overnight stay she may feel weird about.

It depends on your relationship really.

Gig tickets usually are sold quite far in advance so you could start off small eg go for lunch/drinks just the 2 of you beforehand so its not the first social event just with you 2

changedusernameforthis1 · 17/03/2024 13:50

From someone who has had nothing but issues with in laws, you sound awesome! I'd have been over the moon if my in laws had been half as welcoming as you. I hope you both have a fantastic time!

hellsBells246 · 17/03/2024 14:19

If you already have the kind of relationship where you go for coffee etc together, then I think it's a lovely idea!

angela1952 · 17/03/2024 17:44

My DiL lived with my son at her house for a few years, I wasn't supposed to know at first but it was pretty obvious as I used to meet her at the bus stop after breakfast. I've always really liked her, they've been married for ages now and have two children.
If push came to shove I take her side over my son, any day.

angela1952 · 17/03/2024 17:45

(My own MiL was awful, we had no points of contact at all, it was like being related to an alien).

newmumma2000 · 17/03/2024 17:45

I personally think it's a lovely idea! As someone whose MIL has never even suggested this, I would love it if we had this type of relationship. All you can do is ask, if she says no take someone else.

Supersares · 17/03/2024 17:53

I think it’s a lovely idea. Especially is you’re close already and have previously been for coffee on your own, you obviously get on.

I have an adult son with a gf and would love to do a gesture like this for a band we both enjoyed.

Perhaps ask your son’s opinion on what he thinks if you’re not sure?

Bikesandbees · 17/03/2024 18:14

Isthisweirdthough · 15/03/2024 18:19

She responded in 3 seconds flat 🤣

Yes she is coming, she said if she's on shift she will simply quit her job. I told her it's all my treat, and she has said she will buy the wine and will get us Tshirts. She is very excited and not weirded out at all.

So I managed to create a massive drama in my head about absolutely nothing.

Thank you all, I am so excited about this gig, and so happy I'm going with another massive fan.

You sound like a great mum and boyfriend’s mum. My aunt was very close with all my cousins’ girlfriends, and has stayed close to all of them even after break ups. You should absolutely be investing in that relationship and you’re so lucky to have a good relationship with your adult kids.

Enjoy the concert!

ellyeth · 17/03/2024 18:33

I don't think it is, as someone said, "weird" but I think it might have been better to check with her first before buying them as it might make her feel awkward. On the other hand, she might be delighted. But have a plan B if she is not keen - someone else you can ask.

Mummadeze · 17/03/2024 18:34

Don’t understand some of the responses or why you even worried about it! Totally normal to go to a concert with a fellow massive fan. And she could have said no due to work if she didn’t want to. I think it’s nice you both get on well enough to do this. Have a great time!

Hmm1234 · 17/03/2024 18:49

No it’s not weird that’s a lovely idea

CockSpadget · 17/03/2024 18:52

Im sure both of you will have an amazing time, and before I’d read your update, I knew that she was going to be chuffed to bits to go with you! Why wouldn’t she, you come over as adorable, and from her gift and the fact that you already meet up for lunch or coffee, it sounds like she enjoys your company just as much as you enjoy hers.

MotherOfUnicorns4 · 17/03/2024 18:54

I’m so glad you asked her! My DS has been dating his GF for over a year and I know she’d be excited to be asked to anything! She’s part of your family so why shouldn’t you enjoy spending time with her :). Have the best of times!

lovealotbear · 17/03/2024 19:01

I actually took my son’s ex-girlfriend to the Chanel Exhibition at the V&A. I had student tickets which my daughter was meant to attend, but she backed out at short notice. I knew the ex-gf would love it and all tickets were sold out and exhibtion due to close. So I just messaged her and said upfront sorry if this is an odd request. She actually came and loved it, as she had tried to get tickets but failed. I offered this ticket as remembered kindness by people when I was younger and had no money and really appreciate it. More awkwardly she met my son on the bus to get the train and said she was going to London to meet his mum! I hadn’t told him at this point. He was fine about it, but I do wish I had been upfront with him. So I would say do it.