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Original poster

Is this odd for me to ask? - DSs girlfriend?

337 replies

Isthisweirdthough · 14/03/2024 22:08

Ds has been with this absolutely lovely girl for around a year now. I adore her.

I managed to get 2 very good tickets for a band I love, and I know that she loves them too. The tickets were expensive so I want to take a fan.

Is it odd to ask her? I've bought tickets for ds, her and me to go to a couple of things before and its been fine, but this would be me and her alone.

It would involve travelling and an overnight stay.

This is my sons first serious relationship and I really want to include her in stuff, but don't want to be too overbearing either.

Would you feel weird if your boyfriends mum took you to a gig alone?

OP posts:
PixellatedPixie · 14/03/2024 22:10

I think it would depend on why it is the two of you going without your son. I think it’s lovely that you guys hang out together but an overnight stay alone without your son might feel strange to her - it that completely depends on both of your personalities!

TheSpottedZebra · 14/03/2024 22:11

How old is she?

Matobe · 14/03/2024 22:11

It’s a lovely idea! Separate rooms though!

Interested in this thread?

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BreakfastAtMimis · 14/03/2024 22:12

I think it's weird.

TigerOnTour · 14/03/2024 22:12

If she's 17 it's weird. 23 not weird.

saveforthat · 14/03/2024 22:13

Why did you write very good and then cross it out? Who"s the band?

Freakinfraser · 14/03/2024 22:13

I think she will feel duty bound to go and won’t wish to say no as it will cause offence, if I was going to do it, I’d invite them both,

BippityBopper · 14/03/2024 22:15

I'd find it a little weird if I was the GF and I wouldn't appreciate it of I was your DS. He's your DS' girlfriend of 1 year, not your friend.

Original poster
Isthisweirdthough · 14/03/2024 22:15

She's 22, we do go for coffee or lunch on a semi regular basis without ds.

Ds wouldn't be coming because I don't have a ticket for him, he wouldn't enjoy it anyway.

I've booked a 2 roomed apartment anyway, I'll take one of my other dc if its a bad idea to ask her, they aren't keen on the band and I know she loves them which is why I thought of her. I just don't want her to think I'm 'that' kind of MIL(ish).

OP posts:
agoodfriendofthethree · 14/03/2024 22:15

Assuming she's an adult, I think it's a lovely idea! 😊

Haggisfish3 · 14/03/2024 22:16

I think it’s lovely and would happily have gone.

unsurebut · 14/03/2024 22:18

Lovely idea, definitely invite her!

Original poster
Isthisweirdthough · 14/03/2024 22:26

I'm not sure she will feel obliged to say yes, at Xmas time I had a conversation with her and I explained I've never done this parenting an adult thing, especially one in a relationship, and had a good old chat about stuff, so she knows she never has to feel obliged to do anything and I'll never take offence.

And she bought me a beautiful necklace with 'family' engraved into it which was so sweet of her, and I know they are looking to move in together after summer, so I really just want to include her (just enough, but not too much so Im overbearing though).

Maybe I'll message her and ask if she got tickets, and I know she will say no, and I'll tell her I have 2 but not sure who to take then she can either say herself, or suggest someone else?

OP posts:
Abouttimeforanamechange · 14/03/2024 22:28

I wouldn't appreciate it of I was your DS. He's your DS' girlfriend of 1 year, not your friend.

DS doesn't get to control what his mother and his girlfriend do. It would be a red flag if he tried.

AnaMaeve · 14/03/2024 22:30

Could DS accompany you both on the trip, staying in the apartment, with the two of you going off to the concert?

Would feel much more like a family trip.

Original poster
Isthisweirdthough · 14/03/2024 22:30

Abouttimeforanamechange · 14/03/2024 22:28

I wouldn't appreciate it of I was your DS. He's your DS' girlfriend of 1 year, not your friend.

DS doesn't get to control what his mother and his girlfriend do. It would be a red flag if he tried.

Ds would never dream of it in a million years, and actually he and my partner (of 4 years) go to the football and golf together regularly now I think about it.

OP posts:
Crochetablanket · 14/03/2024 22:32

AnaMaeve · 14/03/2024 22:30

Could DS accompany you both on the trip, staying in the apartment, with the two of you going off to the concert?

Would feel much more like a family trip.

I’d suggest this.

pizzaHeart · 14/03/2024 22:32

Can you sort of ask DS to approach her about it? Say: I don’t know, I could take Mark with me of course but he’s not a huge fan, I would rather take Emma but not sure about asking her…

agoodfriendofthethree · 14/03/2024 22:32

You sound so lovely OP! I would just ask her outright if she'd like to come with you, explain there's no obligation at all and give her an easy get out like "I'm sure you're probably busy that weekend" etc so she can easily say no if she wants to without worrying she'll offend you. I bet she'll say yes though!

Original poster
Isthisweirdthough · 14/03/2024 22:32

AnaMaeve · 14/03/2024 22:30

Could DS accompany you both on the trip, staying in the apartment, with the two of you going off to the concert?

Would feel much more like a family trip.

I could definitely ask him, its a fair way to go though, and he's starting a new job so probably can't get time off for it, so I don't think he would be able to come.

OP posts:
Beautifulsunflowers · 14/03/2024 22:32

I don’t think it’s odd at all.
you both like the band, so makes sense! The only but that’s a bit odd is the overnight stay but if you get on we’ll usually then just do it!
I bet she’ll be thrilled to be asked

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 14/03/2024 22:33

She might be shy to suggest herself if you ask her who you should take. I would just ask her, and say there's no pressure and she has first refusal. Or - a better suggestion - is that you take DS with you as well for the night but he stays in the apartment or goes to the pub/cinema while you go with her to the concert?

Smidge001 · 14/03/2024 22:34

AnaMaeve · 14/03/2024 22:30

Could DS accompany you both on the trip, staying in the apartment, with the two of you going off to the concert?

Would feel much more like a family trip.

I agree with this too

Kneeslikethese · 14/03/2024 22:34

I don't think its odd. Just say you have a spare ticket, it's hers if she fancies it, if not no worries you'll take Enid or Doris

Scarletttulips · 14/03/2024 22:36

If it’s not til Christmas you son can ask for time off as precooked holiday.