Embarrassed by partners go fund me...

[ick26]

Dp has decided to do an extreme "event" on the other side of the world next year. It's one of those things that rich men with too much money are known to do and usually fail having to end up getting rescued 🙄

Dp has decided that he wants to do this, he's become obsessed and this is all he goes on about (for the last three weeks anyway) before that it was smaller cheaper sports he would do once or twice buy all the kit then never mention it again. (our shed has bikes, sports rackets, golf clubs, air rifle, model cars etc you get the drift)

Only thing with this one is he has set up a go fund me (I knew nothing about it till I seen it on SM) for thousands of pounds to pay for the trip. Of course he's sitting at around 1% of the total he needs.

I honestly can't explain the physical reaction I've had to this I could put my head under my pillow and not come out again I'm so embarrassed that he's sharing this about 5 times a day to try and get people to donate!

I've tried telling him raising this amount of money would usually involve hosting events and getting sponsors from big companies but it falls on deaf ears. He's saying to people any money over what he needs will go to charity but realistically he's asking people to fund his midlife crisis and by the small number of donations everyone knows this.

To make matters worse this is an extreme event and he's fundraising before after starting training for a sport he's never actually tried before. I don't even know why I'm posting I just need to rant somewhere.

He sounds like a prize twat. If we did give prizes for twats, maybe he'd be able to raise more.

Let's be blunt here

Anyone here feel like giving me, 69 billion pounds, please??

😂

Sounds like there is a much bigger problem going on. It seems to be a repeat problem that's getting worse. Is there any self-worth that has been achieved from all the "sports stuff" in his shed? He seems to be unhappy just being him. I'd set up a GoFundMe for him to see a therapist.

this made me lol

Hahaaa! Me too! These are the most powerful 5 words to have ever been written!

I wouldn't donate purely down to the fact that shit like this means the woman gets left at home to do all the grunt work whilst he undoubtedly spends an inordinate of time out of the house "training" before buggering off on a self indulgent trip.

I bet he bores people with tales of his training and events.

For those who have seen the film this reminds me of Louisa's boring boyfriend in me before you.

People always say this stuff is on behalf of charity. In reality, whatever company they're doing it through charges them thousands of pounds to do it and they're expected to raise money for charity on top of that. Most people just say it's for charity and fundraise for the whole amount. It's never the big deal they make it out to be either, the big sacrifice/gruelling challenge "for charity", it's always something they secretly like the idea of doing and would happily do it just for themselves if only they could afford it. No wonder you're cringing OP, especially considering his fundraising amounts to purely begging.

Oh no. I don’t even know what to say, except I am so sorry you are in this situation. I would want the earth to swallow me as well. Is there a mental illness in the picture? It kind of sounds like manic behaviour a bit. Please take care, and know this is not your fault. Take care 🌺 🙏

This.
It's important his activities/interests track record is recognised as a pattern and he's supported to see it and the reasons behind it. He is going through something more important than just self indulgence.
Good luck to both of you.xxx

I'm wondering, does he have ADHD? Possibly seeking dopamine hit from the next sport/hobby/etc, then moving on to the next thing

Some perspective required here Op.

I agree this isn't great, nor would I support any aspect, but the avalanche of bile here is mortifying. Some of the comments are really unhelpful.

Be honest make your feelings known but remember this is your husband you are talking about. Its not like he is cheating or being horrible to people is it.

Those who are perfect cast the first stone...

I think what is clear is your talent for wit; you should immediately start a blog, which is sure to attract a far greater following than your DPs ridiculous venture! You're having me in stitches! And when you're entertaining the world and earning good money, don't donate that wally a single penny 😂😂 Honestly your posts have made my morning (I feel for you and your predicament of course!)

I'd get all the cr@p out the garage and Ebay it/ garage sale it.
If he questions it, tell him it is going to the charity he is doing his 'ultra event' for. It gets rid of it and is a face saver when the event passes without funds and he can still claim " We donated £xyz to Charity ABC."

Then....do nothing. You know from past experience that "this too shall pass".

Does he support you in your volunteering/ charity events ? Might be more low key, donating used clothes to charity a Macmillan Coffee Morning.?

If he is keen on a certain charity, get him the contact info and leave him to it.

Some might suggest you get behind this venture, do.it together to bring you closer together, to reduce your irritation and frustration about this behaviour , however we all know we love our hubbies but getting change from them is impossible.

If he is like this with other things ( chores, maintenance around the home, starting something then never finishing) tell him when he has ( finished building the garden shed, emptying the back bedroom, mowing the lawn, moved the car/ motorbike he's restoring/ refelted the garage/ painted the lounge.. whatever it is he has promised to get to....) you will support him. Quid pro quo. You do what you said you'd do and I'll support you.
We all know what happens next....

Is he ok otherwise, op? As in mood swings, really irrational behaviour, etc? Could this be the tip of the iceberg of something serious and your exasperation is getting in the way of seeing he may need help?

Have you pointed out to him how utterly cringey this is? And that unless he starts putting in some very hard regular training he's taking money under false pretences?

Wow indeed!! I’m almost lost for words! What an CF!! Others have pretty much covered it very well - Massive cringe!

In all honesty though, I’m sorry to say, I’d seriously be reviewing the relationship and my options. This has maybe tipped too far now. This is a pattern he’s already been demonstrated as you highlight, but it is escalating. I’d very much suggest he gets some therapy! (Although I suspect he won’t think there’s any need?!) Does he also get bouts of severe depression? What’s the mental health picture like in his family?

Massive red flag, OP, MASSIVE!!

Tell him to start by selling all the other failed sports and hobby equipment from the shed and that if he is serious doing so will show his commitment to the new event!

This. Mine dried up, closed up and has padlocked itself reading this. My sympathy is with you OP.

The sad thing is that your husband s going to lose friends over this, partiicularly if he is pestering them. If one of my friends set up a Go Fund Me for something stupid like this, I'm afraid I would definitely judge them and probably rethink the friendship. If it were a very good friend I guess I might just get in touch with them and ask if it was a joke, you're not seriously expecting us to fund your vanity project, are you? - and hope that might get through to them.

We had a person at work who was forever badgering us for donations for this/that charity, sponsor me to do this/that… it was exhausting, she used to hunt you down and wave forms in your face!
Eventually it came to a head when she “left work” with various donated prizes and money… never saw her again☹️
So if anyone asks, it’s a NO from me.
I also live quite near a pretty but dangerous group of mountains that idiots climb for “charity” their entire trip (transport, accommodation, food and copious drink) comes out of the money before the charity ever sees it!
I won’t mention the cost of their rescue via helicopter if it goes wrong…

All of which exh did. On balance, given the anguish of the subsequent two years and the ensuing divorce, I'd have been happy if he'd climbed Everest instead.

By the sounds of it, people aren't donating so I'd just let it fizzle out.. he'll catch the drift eventually.