Embarrassed by partners go fund me...

[ick26]

Dp has decided to do an extreme "event" on the other side of the world next year. It's one of those things that rich men with too much money are known to do and usually fail having to end up getting rescued 🙄

Dp has decided that he wants to do this, he's become obsessed and this is all he goes on about (for the last three weeks anyway) before that it was smaller cheaper sports he would do once or twice buy all the kit then never mention it again. (our shed has bikes, sports rackets, golf clubs, air rifle, model cars etc you get the drift)

Only thing with this one is he has set up a go fund me (I knew nothing about it till I seen it on SM) for thousands of pounds to pay for the trip. Of course he's sitting at around 1% of the total he needs.

I honestly can't explain the physical reaction I've had to this I could put my head under my pillow and not come out again I'm so embarrassed that he's sharing this about 5 times a day to try and get people to donate!

I've tried telling him raising this amount of money would usually involve hosting events and getting sponsors from big companies but it falls on deaf ears. He's saying to people any money over what he needs will go to charity but realistically he's asking people to fund his midlife crisis and by the small number of donations everyone knows this.

To make matters worse this is an extreme event and he's fundraising before after starting training for a sport he's never actually tried before. I don't even know why I'm posting I just need to rant somewhere.

What chores is he trying to avoid?

That's embarrassing. I never get why people climb Everest or something similar as it cost thousands and surely the charity they are doing it for would rather have that money.
My boss's daughter (very well off) went somewhere in Nepal to volunteer. It cost her mother thousands to send her and I'm sure the charity didn't receive half the amount in sponsorship money. They would have been better off just giving the charity the money. The daughter did get plenty of likes on her social media though and mother would frequently get compliments from rich customers when she bragged.

This is one of the things I hate the most. I’d go far as to say, delete the post or fuck off. It’s so insanely self indulgent. ‘I was to do an amazing trip that lots of people would like to do but I don’t want to pay for it’. So freaking embarrassing. And idiotic. The fact he can take time off work to even go shows his privilege compared to others. He needs to get over himself; what a total dick.
I don’t even like the raising money for funerals one. The majority I’ve seen could have paid for it themselves (maybe by forgoing a holiday), they just don’t want to - and both of those actually made money off it!!!!
aargh. This sends me crazy. I need to go lie down. Poor you op.
maybe you should donate the minimum (can you do 5p?!) along with a note that says ‘pay for it yourself you self-serving prick’ - then other people will know that you’re not partaking in the cheekyfuckery and know it’s ok for them not to donate

Ditto

He sounds very......... ADHD 🤨

I mean no offence to you or anyone else with ADHD as I have it too x

What on earth is he thinking? Buttock clenchingly awful.

Funnily enough, I saw Spencer Matthews giving a talk yesterday & he mentioned completing Marathon Des Sables a few years ago, the difference being he funded it himself with all profits going to charity. Not assuming this is the same endeavour as your DP but it just came to my mind. Not everyone completes this ultramarathon & I think that some die whilst trying.

Makes you wonder who is donating to ‘fund his mid-life crisis’ - perhaps his friends who also want to do the same thing? I thought GoFundMe was meant to be for charitable causes….perhaps there are requests on there for red sports cars / motorbikes etc.

This reminds me of a GFM a while ago. A very senior manager at work set one up to fund gender reassignment surgery privately. ( obviously a much more valid cause than a hobby). However they aggressively shared it among us minions whilst swanning off on expensive holidays etc. As you can imagine those of us earning 40k or so less than this person were not inclined to donate anything and lost all respect for this person, not because of the cause, but the audacity.

That's unbelievably unprofessional 😱
Not remotely a "valid cause" either.

You have my sympathy. If I were you I’d just try to ignore it as best I could and let him get on with it. He’ll soon realise it is a non- starter.

I have met a few extreme sportspeople in my life.
the men , especially, have some stupid goal… they then seem to devote their life to “training”, fuck off regularly weekends leaving their wife/ girlfriend to manage house and kids, spent enormous amount money on bikes/ kayaks/running gear … depriving family nice things, expect adoration and support… they are all without a doubt some of the most entitled arseholes I have met.

If anyone has spare cash in their bank, please fund me as I want to travel to the moon - LOL

I know someone who asked for money here on MN to pay for their own driving lessons back some time ago. Nice people offered her the money. She owns her own house and has a job. Quite distasteful really.
It's good that you have a sense of humour about it all OP. Definitely sounds like a mid life crisis! :)

OP I can totally understand you being mortified by him doing this , especially as it sounds unlikely he will complete it without doing the necessary training. I know its easy to say but I would definitely talk to him and explain how you feel about it.

These 'fundme' pages make me cringe unless it is connected to a recognised charity. I have a friend who started one to pay for the photographer booked for their sons wedding!! So many people are jumping on the bandwagon.

Is he neurodivergent ? Or is he usually this entitled ? How does he not think this is weird ? Have you told him how you feel ?

I would be mortified if this was my husband and would have immediately and harshly made him feel stupid and embarrassed about it because I wouldn't be able to help myself (I don't think you should do that).

However, men are idiots. If a friend's man was doing this I would think 'another one of those gap year style fundraisers - this stupid man hasn't thought this through and doesn't realise it's cringe' and move on. I wouldn't think badly of either of you.

Good luck.

My sympathies, OP. That would make me really uncomfortable too. It’s the entitlement/delusion of thinking others would want to fund his jolly/adventure trip. And the audacity to ask…

I live abroad in Central America where some expats are not exactly short of money. We get asked to donate to things a lot. Fine. But the asks that are unreasonable do stick in people’s minds and change their perception of the askers.

Two examples spring to mind:
One friend was invited to a presentation about homeschool. It turned out that it was a pitch to fund a documentary to be made about this homeschooling family.

Another friend was asked to invest in building someone’s family home because it contained a rental apartment.

Both askees were taken aback.

We also have many Gofundmes eg I moved here from abroad, but I didn’t get health insurance. Now I need a knee operation. Can you pay for it?

Backpacks for local school kids, funding lifeguards, transport to school, fire brigade, the food bank, planting trees etc - sign me up! Funding gringos’ vanity projects? It’s a no from me!

I actually think that's an awful thing to do, to try find you both IRL.

I hope you and your DH are OK, despite this lapse of judgement from him.

PS I set up a Gofundme once. It was to get surgery in both eyes for a local person. The person was completely blind and unable to work. The total needed was raised in two days and the person is now able to work and earn a living. In my opinion, that’s a worthy cause. Not funding someone’s holiday!

PS Hopefully you and DH can laugh about this later. Maybe you should make an outlandish Gofundme up and ask him to proofread it and just see how he reacts! Seriously though, I do think it’s important to talk to him - not in a judgemental way, but be curious about his thinking here and try to understand, then let him know why you’re uncomfortable with it.

If it's something like marathon de sables they won't let him in without having a few marathons or ultras under his belt. I can't think of anything worse 🤣 and I've ran 3 marathons myself. The training and preparation is immense then triple it.
It could just be an idea and he hasn't got a proper place?
It sounds like he will loose interest soon.
I feel your embarrassment though!

I'm sorry. But this is quite funny. Hope and pray he makes his target amount. Far better than divorce, and think of all the sympathy you will engender

This is just ick central isn’t it. I’d be absolutely mortified if my partner did this!

A gin snug. I didn't even know that was a thing, what a brilliant idea.

A relative did the marathon des sables a while back and was training most of the year for it off the back of years of regular triathlons. My OH is into similarly mental bike rides and had to do various qualifiers last year to get a place booked to do a 1200k in 2027. Is your OH even sure he can get a place in the event (whatever it is)

I have ADHD also and thought exactly the same thing haha. From the reading the OP, her partner sounds wildly impulsive!