How do I tell my neighbour I can hear her?

[BoomBoomBoomLemmeHearYouSayWayOh]

We moved in semi-recently and I can hear my neighbour having sex.

First time I thought it was a one off (maybe his birthday, 😂) as I didn't hear anything the first few months.

But now 2 or 3 times a week I can hear her (only her not him) as if she's in my hallway!
It's not a creaky bed or anything that can't be helped, it's loud, dramatic moans and 'yes, yes' type stuff

I have preteen/young teen kids who can clearly hear her too and it's really starting to piss me off when she starts.

DH and I manage to have sex without the whole house knowing. Never mind the neighbours.

I don't know her that well so I don't know whether to

A) bang on the wall (which I did last time but it was only my fist and I don't think she could hear it over her own squeals, so next time I'll use a shoe)

B) Wait till I see her and say something, which I have planned to do but just not seen her and I feel knocking on her door is way too intrusive. And WTF would I say.

C) put a note through the door. But again WTF do I write?

I feel almost rude asking her to keep it down in her own home but it's embarrassing sat in bed reading, listening to her howling.

A few nights ago DS was sat in bed with me and she started and he was so embarrassed.

🙄

A friend had to have this conversation with her 26 yo son whose bedroom is above their sitting room. My childish mind just went straight to Gavin and Stacey. Have told my friend's tale to dd as her bedroom is above our sitting room 😂

Could you not change your WiFi name?

Ihearyoushaggingloudly01

Agree with a short and to the point note. I wouldn't give a shit about their embarrassment or hurting their feelings tbh.

Dear neighbour, Unfortunately we can all hear you having sex on a regular basis including my younger child. Hopefully now that you are aware of this, it will no longer be an issue.

How about a letter to him only, telling him she is definitely faking it.

Everytime you hear 'YES YES YES!'
Shout 'NO NO NO!'

'OH GOD!'
'OH CHRIST!'

'MORE!'
'LESS!'

Grab a glass of wine, assume the position for the best acoustics hours.. or probably minutes of fun!

This is the best solution, perhaps waiting a few minutes after they finish, and maybe making it the late night news or whatever is on at that time. The idea being for them to not be 100% sure that you have heard them, but to get them to realise that you probably could. Thus everyone saves some face all round.

When I was in halls of residence, I used to play rod stewart ‘do ya think I’m sexy’ loudly through the walls every time my roommate started up with the sex noises. It worked very well

This is a perfect response. Friendly and clear. None of that we can hear you ‘enjoying yourself’……we’re adult enough to use the actual word. Ticks every box. Perfect perfect perfect.

I know you said you don't want to disturb your neighbours on the other side but when my neighbours were having VERY loud (and fake sounding) sex 4 times a day (6 times at weekends), I cued up applause sound effects and pressed my phone against their wall the second they'd finished. They got the message and the noises stopped, and the other side neighbour wasn't disturbed at all.
The sex neighbours were so loud and at such regular times I was convinced they were live streaming.

DM was having problems with the "noise" from her upstairs neighbour's new GF, so she played the KLF What Time is Love over and over at full volume until it stopped.

She also left an angry note on the door. 60 years old and she couldn't be bothered with that shit 😂

Not Barry White as that will only encourage her. Maybe ‘Who let the dogs out?’ Ruff 🐶

Ha! Thinking she must enjoy the attention, pathetic though it is, maybe she has a thing for your husband OP?

I always read these type of threads to see if my old neighbour is on here complaining about me lol. I used to live in an upstairs flat and my downstairs neighbours complained about my sex noises (she told me face to face) I was absolutely mortified!!! We became silent lovers but they still complained they could hear the bed squeaking....sorry love. I can't do much about that. Thin walls. I didn't build them. It became such a thing. She complained about me closing my kitchen cupboard doors too load. The times of day I flushed my toilet that she could hear. In the end I just had the loudest sex because if I wasn't allowed to make breakfast without her complaining, I was damn sure going to fuck as loud as I wanted to.

We had this in our old house too and it used to really annoy me as it would be like 2am sometimes.

Usually the sex only lasted around 1 minute so one time when it went on a little longer than usual, DH clapped really loud and said "hey!! Well done lad" 😂. It went deathly quiet next door.

They were horrible people though. I once spoke to them about it and told them my kids could hear them (age 11 and 8 at the time) and she said, "so what!"

In our first flat, we had no idea we could be heard. The NND politely banging on the wall let us know. That shut us up! 😂

This is exactly what I did [embarassed]
Honestly, I was trying to ignore.
After a couple of weeks though you snap though
She was like a cross between Heidi with her yodelling and Churchill the nodding dog
Oh yes!
😭🤣
STFU lol, there's kids in the house!
I'd have approached but she wasn't the most pleasant of people.

Note through the door.

While I'm happy you have an enjoyable active sex life I'm unsure if you're aware how much the noise travels through these thin walls.

Respectfully this is private to you and your partner and not something we want to be aware of.

Be prepared to get a reply telling you all about how noisy your family is and how your kids and hoovering disturb them.

When they start, blast Arnold Schwarzenegger "Aa-I-aaa-GETTOTHECHOPPER" on repeat. Instant mood killer.

Tell your other neighbors on the other side that you'll have loud sounds on as to warn them.

That's a good one! Or "The WHOLE neighbourhood can hear you!"

We had a bang on the wall one night, it was mortifying! Needless to say the headboard was swiftly removed & that was that 🙈

NOOOO! Don’t embarrass her!

I wouldn’t want to embarrass her by putting a note through saying you heard her bonking. I’d die if I was her. I’d probably be more vague and let her know the walls are so thin and mention how you can hear their voices when they’re upstairs.

We used to live in an old cottage and my neighbour told us the walls were thin when we moved in. She told me she could hear phone conversations. I was grateful for this info and behaved differently than I would have if she hadn’t told me.

If it carries on after you’ve been subtle then you can be more blatant.

‘ Hi neighbour

This is x from next door. I’ve noticed how thin the walls are upstairs as I have often heard voices through the walls on an evening. Just wanted to let you know so you can maintain your privacy. I never hear anything downstairs. Pls let me know if it’s the same for you. I’d hate to think me or the kids were disturbing you. Catch you soon.’

NOOOO! Don’t embarrass her!

Why not? Loud, show-off sex as a performance deserves it. She should be perfectly capable of exercising common sense and consideration for others.

This happened to me, but my partner and I were the noisemakers. My neighbour left me a funny note. I was mortified but my boyfriend was absolutely chuffed.

i don’t suggest a funny note as they might not be as amenable as I was. A simple note should do the trick.

"Show off sex" some people are just vocal, it feels good. If someone banged on the wall at me when I was having sex I'd do it louder and for longer, if it was someone I heard ZERO noise from who asked me politely if I'd mind keeping out down then I'd keep it down but I better not hear a thing from them if they're trying to impact how I like to have sex. No dogs barking, no shouting at their kids, no loud cackling or laughter when they like to unwind with a drink in the summer outside, THEN I'd mind my noise.

I thought the way this was done was by renaming your WiFi to something like; "we can hear you having sex" or "I think my neighbours make porn" or something that lets them know.