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How do I tell my neighbour I can hear her?

448 replies

BoomBoomBoomLemmeHearYouSayWayOh · 07/03/2024 18:17

We moved in semi-recently and I can hear my neighbour having sex.

First time I thought it was a one off (maybe his birthday, 😂) as I didn't hear anything the first few months.

But now 2 or 3 times a week I can hear her (only her not him) as if she's in my hallway!
It's not a creaky bed or anything that can't be helped, it's loud, dramatic moans and 'yes, yes' type stuff

I have preteen/young teen kids who can clearly hear her too and it's really starting to piss me off when she starts.

DH and I manage to have sex without the whole house knowing. Never mind the neighbours.

I don't know her that well so I don't know whether to

A) bang on the wall (which I did last time but it was only my fist and I don't think she could hear it over her own squeals, so next time I'll use a shoe)

B) Wait till I see her and say something, which I have planned to do but just not seen her and I feel knocking on her door is way too intrusive. And WTF would I say.

C) put a note through the door. But again WTF do I write?

I feel almost rude asking her to keep it down in her own home but it's embarrassing sat in bed reading, listening to her howling.

A few nights ago DS was sat in bed with me and she started and he was so embarrassed.

OP posts:
BoomBoomBoomLemmeHearYouSayWayOh · 07/03/2024 19:51

I'd like to point out that is it was once in a while and a few bed bangs and a little over zealous noise towards the end I wouldn't say anything.

But it's regular 20+ minutes of 'uh, uh, uh, yes, uh, uh uh, YES, YES YES, OH God, UH UH UH' At every thrust type stuff.

She actually woken me from sleeping!

OP posts:
redboxer321 · 07/03/2024 19:51

Dear neighbour
Would you mind lending me your man for a night?
It's just mine only makes me whisper and I want to SCREAM!!!

Helfs · 07/03/2024 19:54

DrunkenElephant · 07/03/2024 19:45

She wants to ask them to keep the noise down, not try to enforce a sex ban.

If your neighbours children could hear you having sex and you were aware it made them feel uncomfortable, you’d be ok with that because “it’s your house and you can do what you want”?

Edited

Nope, but I’d also not like the idea of my neighbours in general hearing me.

Thats the key element, they should feel bad anyone can hear. Mentioning the kids is a bit ‘thanks now my kids crying’

DSD9472 · 07/03/2024 19:56

I'd write the note that @SoOutingWhoCares said.
OP- let us know the outcome.

MILTOBE · 07/03/2024 19:57

Do you have wardrobes you can move so that they're against the adjoining walls?

SoOutingWhoCares · 07/03/2024 19:57

@cardibach Ouch…sympathies! I had this awful moment on an Education conference once.

It was the third/final day, the previous two nights I’d been kept awake by a couple having sex for HOURS in the room above, til after 3. She was moaning and screaming like a banshee and they seemed to be intent on breaking every surface. They were bonking loudly all over the bed, on the desk, up against the wall, the windowsill, the shower. I actually didn’t realise it was possible for sex to go on like that…they’d only stop for what seemed like minutes at a time only to start up again. I wondered if there was more than one couple but he was distinctive vocally. To make it worse she sounded horribly young and was saying things like “hurt me” “hurt me harder” and he was jackhammering away and then slamming her down on the desk etc.

Anyway, I’d made friends with a very loud, very camp, no filter sort of guy. When I walked in after the second night of being kept up til after 3, he said “oh no not again, you look EXHAUSTED DOLL, were the pornstars at it again?! Dirty buggers! Has she not got cystitis yet?!”

Then in all seriousness we spoke about mentioning it to the hotel, I started saying I was concerned about her age etc and felt uneasy. He said Premier Inn offer a good night’s sleep guaranteed and joked I might get my money back.

Then he goes, “Wait a minute, Sarah…aren’t you in the Premier Inn as well? Have you not heard the pornstars? You might get your money back too!” Then relayed the whole story but louder, camper, more animated and sweary to most of our small group…including the cystitis comment. Sarah was very quiet and mousy, about 22 had just started teaching and she was attending with her Dad, Graham, who was a retired headmaster in his 60s that she was very codependent with, “just here to support Sarah as it’s my old school she’s starting at - keeping it in the family!” She looked really embarrassed and shy and went quiet and sort of shut down like she didn’t want to be involved. She seemed a bit innocent and it was a vulgar conversation so I felt sorry for her.

I said, “of course, Tommy, she doesn’t want to have this sort of chat around her Dad for goodness sake shut up!” Then she pipes up, “Dad? He’s not my Dad, he’s my HUSBAND”. Same last name…we’d just assumed.

To avoid the awkwardness, Tommy goes, “oops, erm..well anyway let’s try and get you your money back! What room are you in Outing? Sarah if you’re nearby you can say you hear it too and back each other up.”

I say 226.

Sarah “can’t remember, but we slept fine anyway.”

Graham has been engrossed in a chat with another older man on his other side and is oblivious.

Tommy: “Oi, Graham, we might be able to get you a refund at Premier Inn. What’s your room number?!

Graham: “Erm 326 isn’t it Sarah, why?”

She was genuinely upset, I was genuinely horrified/mortified/dying inside, Tommy was about 5 minutes behind the rest of the group in figuring it out and most of the rest of the group were a mix of disgusted, nauseated and catatonic. We all stared at the floor for ages until the seminar began with the famous words, “You’re all quiet this morning? Didn’t get much sleep?”

I had to get in the bloody lift with them that night…in silence. I pressed 2. She pressed 3 and gave me a venemous look. Horribly awkward moment.

No sex noises that night though!

Springdeclutter · 07/03/2024 19:59

I grew up in a house where the acoustic was very odd. I could hear every word they said next door in my room. It never occurred to us to complain. It’s the fault of the building not the person.

BoomBoomBoomLemmeHearYouSayWayOh · 07/03/2024 20:00

redboxer321 · 07/03/2024 19:51

Dear neighbour
Would you mind lending me your man for a night?
It's just mine only makes me whisper and I want to SCREAM!!!

Absolutely not the case but with children in the house you have to have self control.

What kind of parents scream during sex with a 12 year old in the next room.

Grow up.

OP posts:
redboxer321 · 07/03/2024 20:03

BoomBoomBoomLemmeHearYouSayWayOh · 07/03/2024 20:00

Absolutely not the case but with children in the house you have to have self control.

What kind of parents scream during sex with a 12 year old in the next room.

Grow up.

Ah, I can see what the problem is now.
Perhaps I should have put😂😂😂but I would have thought most people would have realised it was a joke.
Poor neighbour.

BoobyDazzler · 07/03/2024 20:04

I’d stand as close to the wall as possible and have a theatrically loud conversation along the lines of “oh, they’re at it again, maybe they don’t know we can hear them” and if that didn’t work I’d play techno through the wall to drown then out 🤣

iwafs · 07/03/2024 20:06

I mean you could just use it as a learning opportunity for your pre teen. People have sex.

They are in a presumably healthy relationship - good to do.
She is shouting/screaming with a shared wall - bad to do.

Theinjuredcleaner · 07/03/2024 20:21

A bang on the wall and loud SHAAADDUUUP! usually gets my porn star neighbour to button it.

FluffyToesMeow · 07/03/2024 20:24

IHateLegDay · 07/03/2024 18:20

I'd leave a note saying,

"Hi, it's BoomBoom from next door.
I'm not sure if you're aware but the walls between our houses are quite thin and I don't mind hearing the day to day noise but recently we've been hearing more intimate sounds. I'd normally not say anything but with children in the house, it's not something I want them to hear.
If you want to chat, please text me on *** and we'll arrange a time to have a coffee xx"

Don't say we'll have a coffee! She'll be mortified!

ButterflyTable · 07/03/2024 20:31

Dear Neighbour,

I've been enjoying the front-row seat to your nightly performances – quite the show! However, my preteen/young teen kids are getting a little too entertained. Any chance we could adjust the volume for a more family-friendly experience?

Cheers,
BoomBoom

ButterflyTable · 07/03/2024 20:32

OR

Dear Neighbour

I hope this message finds you well. Recently, there have been moments when the sound carries quite vividly between our homes. I understand everyone has their own space, but it’s becoming uncomfortable for my family, especially with young kids around. Would it be possible to keep noise levels in check during certain performances?

Thank you for your understanding.

Best,
Your Neighbour

ScarletILumination · 07/03/2024 20:34

Roses are red
Violets are blue
When you come like a banshee
Your neighbours hear you

Alargeoneplease89 · 07/03/2024 20:37

Buy her a gag ball and post it through with a note 😂

MyBrownEyedHandsomeBoy · 07/03/2024 20:41

Please update us with your note 😁

PlumbersWifey · 07/03/2024 20:43

I'd do a note... Hi, hope you're well. So sorry to do this as I understand it's completely natural, but my young children can hear you having sex as clear as day and get really uncomfortable about the sounds. I've never noticed before how thin the walls are so wanted to let you know.

PlumbersWifey · 07/03/2024 20:45

iwafs · 07/03/2024 20:06

I mean you could just use it as a learning opportunity for your pre teen. People have sex.

They are in a presumably healthy relationship - good to do.
She is shouting/screaming with a shared wall - bad to do.

Ugh. Just no. Imagine your child listening to next door fucking for a learning experience. Wtf 😱🤮

HermioneKipper · 07/03/2024 20:46

She’s got a young baby and having sex multiple times a week?!

hats off to her 🤣

Sorry OP, that’s of no help to you of course! #awkward

Crackermuncher · 07/03/2024 20:48

I’m sure someone has mentioned that you could try naming your wifi as ‘number6weCanHearYouShagging’ or whatever , but that’s quite effective 😁

TheDisgustingBrothers · 07/03/2024 20:49

ugh it’s so grim to hear women crapping on other women by referring to them as ‘porn stars’ or ‘only fans’ just because they have loud sex as if enjoying sex or maybe being vocal as it turns your partner on is equivalent to being paid for indulging in sexual acts or doing it for a camera.

not everyone enjoys the sound of balls slapping against your butt in a silent room 🙄😂

SoOutingWhoCares · 07/03/2024 20:51

iwafs · 07/03/2024 20:06

I mean you could just use it as a learning opportunity for your pre teen. People have sex.

They are in a presumably healthy relationship - good to do.
She is shouting/screaming with a shared wall - bad to do.

I admire your commitment to education…

But long-term studies would find these methods a wee bit “off”.

Haveyoubrushedyourteeth · 07/03/2024 20:51

@SoOutingWhoCares I wish there was a shocked button not just a thanks one! That's brilliant, in all the worst kind of ways 🤣

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