How do I tell my neighbour I can hear her?

[BoomBoomBoomLemmeHearYouSayWayOh]

We moved in semi-recently and I can hear my neighbour having sex.

First time I thought it was a one off (maybe his birthday, 😂) as I didn't hear anything the first few months.

But now 2 or 3 times a week I can hear her (only her not him) as if she's in my hallway!
It's not a creaky bed or anything that can't be helped, it's loud, dramatic moans and 'yes, yes' type stuff

I have preteen/young teen kids who can clearly hear her too and it's really starting to piss me off when she starts.

DH and I manage to have sex without the whole house knowing. Never mind the neighbours.

I don't know her that well so I don't know whether to

A) bang on the wall (which I did last time but it was only my fist and I don't think she could hear it over her own squeals, so next time I'll use a shoe)

B) Wait till I see her and say something, which I have planned to do but just not seen her and I feel knocking on her door is way too intrusive. And WTF would I say.

C) put a note through the door. But again WTF do I write?

I feel almost rude asking her to keep it down in her own home but it's embarrassing sat in bed reading, listening to her howling.

A few nights ago DS was sat in bed with me and she started and he was so embarrassed.

I think I may have taken what you said wrong. My brain just got it. Sorry 😬😬

I don’t think I’ve ever recovered! I wanted to rewind time and make it all not happen!

On a more practical note, you could add insulated /acoustic plasterboard to the shared wall and replaster/ paint.

Do you have her phone number? Can you record it and whatsapp a sound file? 😂

I’m loud in general, quite deaf so I don’t hear how loud I sometimes am outside of the bedroom. Old house walls were paper thin could hear the neighbour screaming at her kids daily. Imagine my embarrassment when we were chatting and she said sorry if you heard me screaming last night, to which my partner said, I didn’t know you had your bf over she then said no I meant at the kids but I hear you two 😂 I found a pillow after this comment 🤦🏼‍♀️ she might take it better if you make a joke of it.

I wouldn't normally advocate for banging on the neighbours wall. However, I think this may be the best option in this case. It lets her know that you can hear her but she won't know who has banged on the wall so it makes seeing her less awkward in the future. I would die with embarrassment if I received a note.
I would try the banging on the wall option and if it persists then I would go with a note as a last resort.

Pop a note through the door addressed to the bloke telling him that she's faking it.

I would just wait until they're done, then immediately put on the radio/some music so they realise how easily sound travels upstairs. Give it five minutes then turn it off. If that fails, the note. But no offer of coffee, in case she thinks you're angling to join in.

Don’t bang on the wall. My neighbour has done that a few times and it really pisses me off. Much better to talk to someone if there is a problem.

Stop faking your orgasm.

That should do it.

I was just scrolling to the bottom to write “Let’s hope they’re not voyeuristic…”

“Sandra, it appears the walls are thin, we can hear you having sex at night. Please can you keep it down? Thanks.”

For fuck’s sake, don’t invite her for coffee. Who the fuck wants to have coffee with someone they heard banging away the night before? Rank.

I had this with my previous upstairs neighbour, but she was working professionally, I just used to wait until they were just up to the top & blast loud music to put them off, then turn it off until they were nearly there again & blast again. She moved out not long after.

We had this and our nickname for them was ‘The Fockers’!😂 I have no solutions though we did notice a decline in sessions once their baby was born - you say they have one already though so that’s no good for you! We did have to listen to her in labour for a while as well though, which was weird, though not bad. It felt like we were inadvertently intruding!

I'd bang on the wall. I'd also send round a note saying that nobody wants to be forced to be an unwilling witness to her performance sex.

Oh come on.....OP isn't crapping on other women - in fact I'd say it is the other way round with the neighbour fulfilling with the porn stereotype. I know exactly what the OP means and performative sums it up very well.

@ButterflyTable love the "sound carries vividly" phrase.

OP, a note. Definitely a short, direct, note.

Arrange for DH to bump into hers so he can ask him "How do you get her to scream like that? Any hints for me to try on the wife?"

I thought that post was a joke not an instruction.

(And I laughed)

You have my utmost sympathy.

Years ago my kid ran in from the garden saying next door’s chickens were being killed. I went outside and nope, it was the daughter home alone with her bf and the bedroom window open. That took some explaining to an 8 year old.

Bang the wall and blame it on the kids!

@Chitterlina 🐓 being killed! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Priceless!

Come on could you imagine when you where a teen being sat in a room with your parents listening to sex noises

I can still hear it in my head now!

That’s hilarious!!! 🤣

What did you say?

”When grown ups love each other very much, they do a special cuddle and to let each other know they are doing a good job cuddling, sometimes, darling, they make very odd noises…like chickens squawking…” ????????