How do I tell my neighbour I can hear her?

[BoomBoomBoomLemmeHearYouSayWayOh]

We moved in semi-recently and I can hear my neighbour having sex.

First time I thought it was a one off (maybe his birthday, 😂) as I didn't hear anything the first few months.

But now 2 or 3 times a week I can hear her (only her not him) as if she's in my hallway!
It's not a creaky bed or anything that can't be helped, it's loud, dramatic moans and 'yes, yes' type stuff

I have preteen/young teen kids who can clearly hear her too and it's really starting to piss me off when she starts.

DH and I manage to have sex without the whole house knowing. Never mind the neighbours.

I don't know her that well so I don't know whether to

A) bang on the wall (which I did last time but it was only my fist and I don't think she could hear it over her own squeals, so next time I'll use a shoe)

B) Wait till I see her and say something, which I have planned to do but just not seen her and I feel knocking on her door is way too intrusive. And WTF would I say.

C) put a note through the door. But again WTF do I write?

I feel almost rude asking her to keep it down in her own home but it's embarrassing sat in bed reading, listening to her howling.

A few nights ago DS was sat in bed with me and she started and he was so embarrassed.

As someone who has received such a note, I would have preferred a bang on the wall. But the involvement of kids in your case may require spelling that out for her as it really is unacceptable for your poor son. But it will sadly spell the end of good neighbourly relations.

As an aside I would try to find a way to make a joke out of it with your son so it is less awkward for him and he doesn't develop it sense of shame about it

Does anyone regularly look at their neighbour's wifi address? All my devices are automatically logged in to our wifi, I hardly ever need to look at settings in order to see what other networks there are nearby.

Mine are too but I do see the other networks when logging on.

Why do you think noone is that good

Maybe your partner needs to up their game

Why would they need to meet to chat. Weird af.

I know you said no music but I used to put on entry of the gladiators by Andre Rieu (a very grand orchestra and choral version of the circus music). Every time they got too noisy (because there will always be a wee bit) the music went on. Seemed to be a mood killer cos they quietened right down. My ex used to play audience cheers and applause at the crescendo but I also think he made the most
lf the free audio porn too 🤢🤮

If it’s a crime to show children porn, how come some people are saying it’s acceptable and to normalise subjecting them to the soundtracks in their own homes? Doesn’t matter if it’s from the tv or over performative neighbours, it’s entirely inappropriate.

Back when I was young and clueless, my boyfriend’s neighbour had no hesitation in telling us to our faces that he could hear us. I actually think he enjoyed embarrassing us, but to be fair we had no clue and had even left the window open. After being made aware we always made sure to close the window and not be too loud.

It does seem sad the number of posters who assume any woman who makes a bit of noise during sex is faking it or performing. When sex is great, sometimes you get carried away!

I would just say my children feel very embarrassed when they hear you having sex would you please bare this in mind when active during the day.

Or film the noise and send it to her.

I wonder if she is doing onlyfans or something.

Deleted as misread. Thought the teens were older, and wouldn't mind taking the piss a bit.

OP I’m cracking up. I love that as women we always just know when it’s performative 🤣 I bet her partner thinks he’s giving her the best sex of her life every time 🤣

When it happpens, start simulating very loud and over exaggerated sexual sounds yourself. They’ll soon get the point.

Anyone else quietly panicking and checking their neighbours' WiFi names ? 🤣

Agree with a polite note through the door.

Been through this five years ago before the neighbours eventually moved. They were selfish prcks. I had to involve the noise pollution service from the local authority to speak to them about it. It was horrendous. Night and* day.

New neighbours moved in two years ago and they are mainly fine. Had to have a word when they had friends over just being generally loud into wee small hours. No sex noises thankfully this time round.

Hopefully a note through the door should be enough in your case. Our newish neighbours were apologetic when we spoke to them about recent noise levels and they have calmed it down since when having friends over.

Agree with this. Do NOT suggest discussing it over coffee OMG what would that entail?

"So, exactly what does he do that makes you say YEEEEES"?

This.

By all means ask for them to be more considerate with noise levels, if it's at the level of waking people in the night.

But let's not be slagging women off for enjoying sex, some people really do have that great sex and do enjoy expressing themselves. Women should be entitled to enjoy sex.

Every time they finish, play the song ‘I just had sex’ by The Lonely Island at top volume right by the wall 😂 Great lyrics.

Or, the note. On second thoughts, probably a better idea. The song’s pretty funny though!

Give her a round of applause when she's finished

A short note, anonymously delivered while they’re at it.

“Would Mrs X kindly stop making such a racket when she has sex, because she’s waking everyone up and scaring off all the cats in the district.”

I have also had neighbours who I could hear regularly. And the noises were loud and the sessions were VERY prolonged . . . things would quieten down and then start up again REPEATEDLY!

One day the elderly (80's) lady who lived the other side of the young couple knocked on my door and asked if she could come in for a private chat. I made her a cup of tea as she was obviously in some distress and she eventually blurted out that she wasn't able to get any sleep because of the young couple's night-time activities. She asked if I was having the same issue and I confessed I was. We decided to visit the young couple and explain that the walls were very thin and we were having sleepless nights etc etc.

Well, we carefully rehearsed our little speech and the next day we knocked on their door and asked if we could have a little chat. They were very welcoming and showed us into the living room where there were two young toddlers playing. They introduced the small children and explained they were babysitting their niece and nephew for the day. There was absolutely NO WAY we could talk about the noise situation in front of small children and we were desperately trying to find a way out of the situation . . . my neighbour suddenly rummaged through her handbag, pulled out a book of raffle tickets for her church fete and asked if they would like to buy some!!!!!

We never went back and a few months later the young lady announced that she was pregnant and the noise quietened considerably

Good luck OP . . . .hope you are able to resolve this

Any one else remember No Angels? When the other girls call Beth (Jo Joyner) out for faking it?

Yep, we know.

My neighbours did same thing.... one summer sat outside window open in theirs so put on my best mortal combat voice and shouted finish her then ran hahaha never heard it again lol

@StarlightLady Don't be ridiculous, loud sex isn't a noise that teenagers (i.e. children) should have to put up with hearing from neighbours. Of course OP should say something.

OP, I wouldn't be OK living with this, whether or not I had kids.

It will probably cause some embarrassment when you tell them, but that's only because of their own lack of self awareness and consideration, so don't feel guilty about it.

It's obvious to most people that if you have adjoining neighbours you can't have loud screechy wailing sex without disturbing them.

Put a note through saying hi,
Hi Ben & Jo, just thought I’d let you know about the walls upstairs, the noise really carries.
Glad you’re both so happy but any chance you could keep it down a bit?! 😁