How do I tell my neighbour I can hear her?

[BoomBoomBoomLemmeHearYouSayWayOh]

We moved in semi-recently and I can hear my neighbour having sex.

First time I thought it was a one off (maybe his birthday, 😂) as I didn't hear anything the first few months.

But now 2 or 3 times a week I can hear her (only her not him) as if she's in my hallway!
It's not a creaky bed or anything that can't be helped, it's loud, dramatic moans and 'yes, yes' type stuff

I have preteen/young teen kids who can clearly hear her too and it's really starting to piss me off when she starts.

DH and I manage to have sex without the whole house knowing. Never mind the neighbours.

I don't know her that well so I don't know whether to

A) bang on the wall (which I did last time but it was only my fist and I don't think she could hear it over her own squeals, so next time I'll use a shoe)

B) Wait till I see her and say something, which I have planned to do but just not seen her and I feel knocking on her door is way too intrusive. And WTF would I say.

C) put a note through the door. But again WTF do I write?

I feel almost rude asking her to keep it down in her own home but it's embarrassing sat in bed reading, listening to her howling.

A few nights ago DS was sat in bed with me and she started and he was so embarrassed.

Please don't suggest I play loud music like Barry White or applaud 😂 I have neighbours on the other side I don't want to disturb.

I'd leave a note saying,

"Hi, it's BoomBoom from next door.
I'm not sure if you're aware but the walls between our houses are quite thin and I don't mind hearing the day to day noise but recently we've been hearing more intimate sounds. I'd normally not say anything but with children in the house, it's not something I want them to hear.
If you want to chat, please text me on *** and we'll arrange a time to have a coffee xx"

That sounds really reasonable, but honestly I'd just die inside everytime I saw them 🙈

I'd thump the wall

I'd go for the note through the door. "Dear X, there's on easy way to cover this but my family can hear you through the walls enjoying yourselves. My preteens don't need to hear such things so please could you consider keeping it down in the moment. Thanks. P.s enjoy yourselves!"

This.
Keep it friendly/jovial, but to the point. Focus on the teens over-hearing and thats your main concern. It's always going to be an awkward one - but far better to address it early on so that she's aware.
Maybe when you next see her after the letter, approach her, you may end up having a bit of a laugh about it! 🙏

I'm amused at the idea if offering to have coffee with her after telling her you can hear her noises! Like she'll say oh yes, let's discuss it over a latte 🤣
Other than that, great suggestion.
I'd be a little clearer and say 'my children hear you and it's not good' or words to that effect, instead of the more vague 'I don't want my children to hear you' (which sounds more like it's a possibility it could and you're fretting about it, rather than the, they actually have and it needs to stop).

I like @Eachpeachpears version.

Definitely write a note. Don't bang on the wall that just causes trouble

I had the same issue in my old apartment. I put an anonymous note in their mail box and it stopped straight away. Good luck!

OK I'll go with the note.

I like the first one apart from the coffee bit 😂 Be a bit awkward to chat about it.

I would just put a note through the door too, keep it brief and good luck!

I wish it could be anonymous but we are her only attached neighbour!

I'd also suggest a note.

'Hi neighbour, I'm delighted that you have company overnight but, just to let you know, the walls are thin and I'm sure you'd rather your private time remains private. However, in the meantime, we have started a score board with other neighbours to rate your performance.'

The mad thing is we don't hear any day to day noise!

The downstairs must have better insulation or something. We never hear anything apart from the baby upstairs crying occasionally, which of course absolutely cannot be helped and doesn't bother me a jot.

I’d just stick to saying you can hear them having sex.

Id leave out the bits about having pre teens and them not needing to hear it, because tbh it doesn’t really matter. If they want to have loud sex they can 🤷‍♀️ your kids don’t really make much of a difference in the equation.

@BoomBoomBoomLemmeHearYouSayWayOh put a note in her mailbox and then avoid her for the rest of your life 😂 god I honestly don’t envy you! It will definitely be awkward for a bit I’d say but maybe more awkward for her than you!

DH and I manage to have sex without the whole house knowing. Never mind the neighbours.
How do you know?

Have a loud conversation with your DH right by the wall

I feel your pain! I regularly hear " Oh God,oh God, please, please, YES YES YES!!!" from the young woman next door and I think come on, no ones THAT good! I got up last night to investigate my old cat yowling loudly in distress. Nope. It was the porn star wannabe next door.

My cousin had a girlfriend once who got a kick out of everyone hearing her. 🤮
Hope this one, isn't one of those! Think most people would rather not be heard though. Good luck.

I'm assuming the op realises if she is moaning and screaming yes yes yes loud enough for the neighbours to hear.

Because we don't make any noises above a whisper to each other?

We certainly don't shout loud enough a neighbour could hear.

When they're talking in their bedroom we cannot hear it, I assume they do talk as well as have sex, so she's being significantly louder than a normal talking level during.

We had this is an old house. DH and I just stood on the other side of the wall and burst out laughing quite loudly at her performance. It did seem to stop it.

Wow. Ice cold 😂😂
Impressive.