Is this normal for children's parties now?

[bumblebee1987]

My DD is turning 5 soon, and we're planning her Birthday party. She's never had a party before, and she wants a big party with her whole class, so that's what we're doing.

I am a bit out of touch with children's parties, my DS is 11, and he didn't really go to many parties at all (I think partly due to having SEN, he never seemed to get invited) and we stopped trying to plan parties for him because generally they weren't well attended, and I couldn't face the heartbreak of so few people turning up.

Anyway, I digress! My daughter is in reception, and has so far been to six class parties since she started school. At every party so far, there has been a buffet for the parents, as well as alcohol provided at five of them (not a boozy affair, just a bit of beer and prosecco!). Is this normal now? I don't want to not provide food for parents if this is expected, but ideally I just wanted to focus on the children and just provide tea/coffee/bit of cake for parents.

Also, I am noticing a trend for both parents of the invited child and siblings to attend. Is this also the norm now? Would it be rude to politely ask that only the invited child attends? Obviously if a parent is struggling for childcare then siblings would be welcome, but my party budget/space doesn't really stretch to lots of additional children and parents! I would love to have a more the merrier approach, but based on parties we've been to so far, I think that could quickly spiral to a fairly substantial amount of children, and my daughter is shy and uncomfortable with people she doesn't know well.

I'm probably overthinking it all...haven't planned a party for a long time, can you tell?!

I must live in a tight area as there has been no alcohol or food at any of the parties I’ve attended for the parents, certainly no alcohol!

Yes that's the normal around here. It's an affluent area and most parents aren't worried about the cost. I'd say Reception age is a bit young for a drop-off party, my dcs wouldn't have felt comfortable without a parent there. And if the parent is there then it often means siblings have to come, because the other parent might get working/have other commitments.

My daughter is in reception and the parties we have been to have mostly catered for parents as well, some with alcohol (not for a booze fest). I found the ones that didn’t cater for adults to be the unusual ones for me. I am from another country and used to catering for everyone.
my daughter had a 4th party last year, in a hall. catered for adults too ( wings, sandwiches, watermelon,grape tray - can’t remember much else)

Is this a joke? Yeh totally normal to pay for the parents to get rat arsed with all the random relatives they’ve invited to your party

I’ve only been offered tea/coffee/cold drink- definitely no alcohol.

If it’s a pay per head party like soft play then it’s fine to say on the invite that “siblings can attend at a cost of x, no food or party bag provided but menu available on website” so parents can bring siblings to play but they bring or buy food.

Oh yes I wasn't expecting parents to drop off and leave, but just wasn't anticipating both parents and siblings! Totally fine with siblings if there is a childcare issue, but if not then it seems strange to all come?! We're in an affluent area too, so I guess that makes a difference!

No, not a joke. As I said, the alcohol hasn't been a boozy affair, more of a glass of prosecco/beer when singing Happy Birthday type thing. Also not talking about random relatives, i'm referring to partners and siblings.

The OP literally said "not a boozy affair, just a bit of beer and prosecco!" 🙄

Tbh OP it doesn't really matter what the norm is for other MNetters because we all live in different parts of the country and beyond.

I would just do what you can manage and what makes you comfortable.

If it's any help, over the years all the parties my 3 DC have been to have been very much a mix.

It's in a hall so no pay per head unfortunately- it's more a case that if it's too full of children my daughter doesn't know, then it may end up being a bit too overwhelming for her, so I was hoping to limit that if possible!

Not here, no.

All the kids parties I've been to have either been set meals at softplay type places where the kids are fed chicken nuggets/fish fingers/ pizza and chips,parents get nothing. Or village hall/leisure centre type parties where the hosting family put out a kid oriented buffet with a bit spare so any parents who stay will pick at the leftovers. Maybe a box of biscuits made available for parents and tea/coffee if the venue has facilities to make your own.

It's 2 hours, every adult can manage 2 hrs without a drink or snacks d parents are not the focus of the event, it's for the kids.

I've done full class parties for 4th, 5th, and 8th birthdays for DD.

The first 2 we did the beige and sugar buffet.

• sandwiches - jam or cheese
• crisps - supermarket own huge multipack box
• cherry tomatoes and cucumber rounds
• berries and melon platters
• party biscuits - jammy dodgers, party rings, chocolate fingers
• mini cakes - mini rolls, mr Kipling, fairy cakes
• bread sticks/cheese straws

Etc

The last one we did a pizza order, so just had 10 large pizzas and some sides delivered half way through the party, we over catered in error so some of the kids went home with doggy bags of cold pizza 😀

😂😂

Affluent area here. Parties are for the children and main child. No siblings. No alcohol. Parents stay.

The biggest competition are the party bags (Sorry, it’s true!) No tat anymore. It’s either a sweet cone or something really clever. For a whole class I’d recommend superhero capes off Amazon. Cheap and cheerful.

I suppose you could put something like "Due to restrictions, please no siblings unless absolutely necessary"?

Yes that's true, I guess different areas are likely to have different norms!

Maybe i'll just provide a few nibbles and tea/coffee, rather than a full buffet and alcohol. I don't think anyone was bothered that there was no alcohol at one of the parties, but it was the party with the most impressive adult food buffet, so maybe that made up for it!

I'm a huge over-thinker!!

Oh my gosh, yes about the party bags! I'm getting cold sweats thinking about what I can put in them already 😂

Glad to hear that your area is no alcohol or siblings, that makes me feel more confident that we can do the same :-D

Haha, doggy bag of cold pizza sounds like my kind of party bag!!

No way would I be serving alcohol to parents who are driving children.How would you live with yourself of anh of them had an accudent.You would alwzys be wondering if the drinks you plied yhem with played a part.

I have 5 kids in a wealthy area ( although I am not!)Having said that most parties are drop and go once kids are toilet trained

We're past the children's parties now but we did always used to offer drinks and nibbles to parents, usually Pimms and beer, as they were usually garden parties. But they weren't massive parties and only involved the whole class when they were very small.

At that age for party bags we did the colour in tote bags from The Works which come with a little pack of 4 felt tips (£1 each), into which went a small haribo bag, a noise maker blowy thing, some stickers and then a slice of cake was wrapped and put in at the last minute. The kids were also allowed to take a balloon or 2 home from the zillions that had been blown up and thrown around the hall for decoration/entertainment.

The Works or www.bakerross.co.uk/ are great for bulk buying crafty type party bag fillers.

Oh gosh, sorry, just to clarify! All of the parties have been very local, I would doubt that anyone drove. We live in an area with a very small school catchment, and everyone lives within a mile of where the parties have been held! In fact, we live right on the edge of the catchment so probably the furthest away, but still very walkable, even with a 4 year old! Also, it really has been a one drink each type situation, more of a toast really.

Where are you having the party?

Around here all class parties for that age are held in soft play centres. The children are brought to a party room after ninety minutes and served fast food and birthday cake. Then a party bag is handed out containing choc, crisps and a small toy and they go home.
The parents (mostly) stay. The host offers to buy them a coffee but thats it.
There is a counter with snacks e.g. premade sandwiches and chocolate bars that they can buy for themselves if they are hungry.
If they bring siblings along, the parents pay the sibling's entry fee and the siblings don't eat with the class but are usually given a spare party bag especially if they are younger siblings.

Never had booze at a kids party. The only food has been what the kids didn't polish off. We once got a tray of prepare wraps for the adults at Costco. That's it

It's in the village hall, so everything will be sorted out and provided by us.

I can't deal with the lack of control with soft play type parties 😂

Like someone else said I would just do whatever you are comfortable with or can afford. Our kids are only 2 but we've gone to various parties from sitting in friends living rooms to people hiring out halls. As an adult it's nice to have a cheeky beer but if I was a guest I wouldn't think anything less of the hosts if there was no booze! Like someone else said its 2 hours! And other siblings sounds a bit much to me unless there are childcare issues.

When we were kids it was just a garage party - rug in the garage, everyone did pass the parcel and had some snacks and that was about it lol. No wonder us parents these days are stressed!!

When DC1 was in reception and Yr1, I was so worried that other parents might drop their kid off and leave me to manage the whole thing (well, with the party entertainer!) that I wanted to make it as appealing as possible for the parents so, yes, I provided drinks & buffet for them. Also, and I accept I was jumping to conclusions, but those who got hammered I mentally ruled out of being a potential friend and definitely ruled out of hosting my child for a play date or a sleepover.

I'm certainly not of the toted MN "a thimble of sherry at Christmas makes you an alcoholic" brigade but can adults not attend a party of some random pupil in their DC's class without drinking a beer or a glass of bubbly? It really is normalising, inappropriate IMO, alcohol consumption.

We obviously move in different social circles because I have never been offered alcohol at a children's party. Where I live, you're lucky if you are offered a tea/coffee!

You're hosting your DC's friends - not their parents too.