Is this normal for children's parties now?

[bumblebee1987]

My DD is turning 5 soon, and we're planning her Birthday party. She's never had a party before, and she wants a big party with her whole class, so that's what we're doing.

I am a bit out of touch with children's parties, my DS is 11, and he didn't really go to many parties at all (I think partly due to having SEN, he never seemed to get invited) and we stopped trying to plan parties for him because generally they weren't well attended, and I couldn't face the heartbreak of so few people turning up.

Anyway, I digress! My daughter is in reception, and has so far been to six class parties since she started school. At every party so far, there has been a buffet for the parents, as well as alcohol provided at five of them (not a boozy affair, just a bit of beer and prosecco!). Is this normal now? I don't want to not provide food for parents if this is expected, but ideally I just wanted to focus on the children and just provide tea/coffee/bit of cake for parents.

Also, I am noticing a trend for both parents of the invited child and siblings to attend. Is this also the norm now? Would it be rude to politely ask that only the invited child attends? Obviously if a parent is struggling for childcare then siblings would be welcome, but my party budget/space doesn't really stretch to lots of additional children and parents! I would love to have a more the merrier approach, but based on parties we've been to so far, I think that could quickly spiral to a fairly substantial amount of children, and my daughter is shy and uncomfortable with people she doesn't know well.

I'm probably overthinking it all...haven't planned a party for a long time, can you tell?!

Just do what you want to do and be clear on what's provided etc on the invite. With people trying to competitively outdo each other, it's just getting ridiculous 🙄

Apologies, I don't think I made it clear enough in my OP! I ABSOLUTELY want one parent per child to stay! I wouldn't leave mine unattended at a party at this age either. My issue was more with parents who both attend, with siblings, as it turns a children's party into a family day out. One parent as a chaperone is all I am anticipating!

I've been to parties with Prosecco for the adults 🥂

Find a lovely free park with a playground. The best parties I’ve been to were held at parks!

When I have birthday parties I let my children invite their friends and then I also invite my friends who have children. I allow all siblings to come, and provide food and drinks for both children and adults (and yes, wine and beer for the adults as well as soft drink options - got to make it fun for everyone!). We usually have it in a large restaurant (book the whole space as my friend owns it) and we have a huge buffet for everyone and games and activities inside and outside for the kids. It’s a lot of fun for everyone - parents too - as they can sit and have some food and drinks knowing their children are safe and entertained and making new friends!

I have only been a party with booze that was in the garden of the child’s home.

All other venues have had a general buffet but they’ve been places like soft play, so venues that likely aren’t allowed alcohol.

I wouldn’t be buying alcohol at all when I have my child’s first party. I think it’s also unlikely that that wherever we would hold it, no one wouldn’t be driving there.

100% ^

A couple of drinks at a family BBQ thats also celebrating a child's birthday with a few friends & theyre parents around is one thing

But a children's party with parents offered beer/wine to "toast" a 4/5/6 year old while singing happy birthday is odd as fuck & to be honest I'd be encouraging different friends....

Including this time of year?

It's definitely not the norm here.if the party is in a village hall or activity place.

Food for the DC, nothing for the parents is the norm IME. Having said that, those parties over the years where I have been offered at least a tea were appreciated. And I was pleasantly surprised that I was offered prosecco at the first birthday I went to when DS was small, there was a trend for a while within DS's group of friends to offer a prosecco to parents, I liked that and we did it, but it wasn't expected.

The exception is when parties have been a picnic. Then, there has been more for parents / siblings welcome to join in.

You should do what works for you.

Op I also think it depends on the time of day.

I went to a bouncy castle party for 3 year olds last year in a leisure centre. No booze, but there was absolutely shit loads of food for everyone. I really appreciated the effort, but it was also unexpected as it was 3pm and I found it odd to be stuffing our faces at that time.

If we were providing the party food ourselves I set up a separate tiny side table/shelf/windowsill for adults with sparkling water/elderflower, crackers, wedge of brie/cheddar, humous, kettle chips, plum tomatoes or olives, maybe a pack of cookies. Not loads, just one pack of each item, all from Aldi/Lidl etc. Cost probably £15-20 and 5 mins to set up with stack of small paper plates/cups. I don't do tea/coffee as too labour-intensive and my focus is on the party. Sometimes they can buy their own from the venue.

I can't bear all the adults lined up at the side gazing hungrily at the children's food and waiting to swoop in like vultures. This keeps them together in one place and gets them chatting. The key is to keep it small, it's a token offering but always very well received.

We provide mulled wine and mince pies for parents (December babies). Usually only one came and no siblings. Parents did drop and run after Y1.

It clearly is the norm where you are as 85% of the parties you've been to have served alcohol and been a family affair.

Fwiw it's absolutely and categorically NOT the norm here in a small East Mids city because we can all barely afford the small parties we do host let alone alcohol and 4 times the predicted food. Also most families are happy to occupy one kid and parent so the others can get on with other things (we always host other siblings or provide options such as host collecting the odd attendee as its super common for parents to work shifts or retail so have childcare difficulties at the weekend)

But since it's expected where you are you'll either have to actually spell it out on the invite or do something COMPLETELY different that doesn't allow it to happen.

We do this too. Sometimes these kids parties can be pretty painful so having something for the adults takes the edge off! Also at reception age people around us are actively trying to make friends (parents not just the kids) and kids parties are a great opportunity for this so both parents is totally normal and encouraged. We always say siblings invited but ask for numbers as otherwise you have no idea how many are coming!

Not normal in my area at all. Definitely no alcohol at any children’s party we’ve hosted or attended when DD1 was young enough for us to stay. I really wouldn’t want alcohol there! A small amount of food and drink might be available and, if there are enough adults helping out at the party (usually me, DH and my parents but sometimes my sister and her partner help too), we might make a round of teas or coffees. If not, a pack of each and a shout to help themselves.

Siblings are generally not brought along unless agreed in advance or somewhere like softplay and the parents pay for them. I couldn’t imagine another child’s birthday party being a whole family event to be honest… It’s bad enough when just one of us has to go.

Around here most parties have supplied food for the adults and drinks… some alcohol and others teas/coffees/cans.

If it’s been at a place like Softplay then the host has normally paid for the adults to have a tea/coffee.

Pretty normal around here.

I’m certainly not in the ‘absolutely no alcohol ever’ brigade, and do think it’s nice to be able to offer a cup of tea or coffee and maybe a snack or two, but I don’t think there is any need to provide booze at a kids party. For a start, surely lots of people are driving?

That being said, we did have DS’s 3rd birthday party in a pub beer garden (very warm weather, and it had umbrellas, a play area, and served pizzas) but it was a very low key affair with a handful of friends and family.

If you don't drink do not start with serving alcohol - completely unnecessary at a child's party. However tea/ coffee is welcome if one is expected to stay. We actually had a dump and dash for DS (now 20)'s 5th, but I accept times have changed.

That's totally normal around here too OP, DS is in reception too.

If this is the norm where you are op then suggest you host a party somewhere outside of your home, like a play centre, until your dd’s friends are able to come to your home or venue unaccompanied. Or just do it your way and make it clear on the invitation.

I am a veteran of children’s parties and I never provided alcohol for parents as I felt it was inappropriate and unnecessary at a child-centred event which usually, until dc were older, took place on a weekend during the day when most parents were driving and picking up siblings from extra curricular activities.

Agree that making tea and coffee is a pain when you are wrangling small dc so I made huge jugs of home made iced tea for parents with ice, lemon, orange and mint and stood them on a table at the back with paper cups and bowls of Pringles and that was it.

Also agree that you need to make your expectations/boundaries clear on invitation:

”whole class party so regretfully cannot host siblings on this occasion”

And maybe when your dd is older:

“Owing to limited space, parents are kindly requested to drop off and pick up please. Call xxxxx for queries/special arrangements.”

I think sometimes the first party sets a bit of a trend, sometimes the others follow suit out if awkwardness/being unsure themselves.

In a hall for reception age - parents do come rather than drop off. Buffet is fine and some parents can feed themselves from that but primarily it's for the children. I've personally found when doing hall that the parent asks if siblings can come (due childcare etc), in a hall I've thought no real issue, but it's fine to say no (though May mean original child can't come)

Alcohol ive never seen at kids party except small ones where we are a lot closer at someone's house etc then we have had some drink there

Mine are grown up now. I used to do traditional parties at home with party games, which the children loved. Any parents who stayed were offered tea, a soft drink or a glass of fizz when we sang happy birthday. Dads collecting used to love the buffet - particularly the Mars Bar Rice Krispie cake! No siblings, and instead of a party bag they got a paperback book, age dependent.

No alcohol ever here at kids parties, unless it's a garden party at home with close friends/family where it's clearly being used an excuse to all get together if you see what I mean!

Otherwise, buffet is for kids but of course adults might have a pick if they fancy it. Usually in a hall type party there's a set up of cups with instant coffee, tea bags and milk for parents to help themselves. Everyone gets offered a slice of cake when the birthday cake is cut up, but most of it gets wrapped and popped in party bags.

@bumblebee1987 having just come out of party planning for my daughter it feels so stressful at the time. There were quite a few sleepless nights! We’ve hosted a couple of hall parties and been to quite a few.

re: alcohol, that’s been available at one or two maybe. I wouldn’t expect alcohol. My husband was saying about getting some beers in but I reminded him it’s our daughter’s party, not the parents. I think the one party I can remember that had alcohol was more of a family affair and went on over a longer period of time with school friends coming for a couple of hours.

re: food, we catered for all both times. I debated it this time but in the end decided to just feed everyone. Due to the time of the party (mid afternoon) the kids do eat (early tea) but I find most parents don’t as it’s not been that long since lunch time. We did sandwiches both times - had loads left over, last year we ordered in a few trays of pizza, we ordered samosa’s this year which went down a treat. Then nibbles like crisps, fruit, veg sticks, biscuits (party rings, pink wafers).
I went to a friends daughters birthday years ago where the food was just for kids. Rather than a buffet table, a table for kids with food on was set up where they all sat around it which made it clear it wasn’t for adults. I do remember feeling a bit miffed but it does get expensive and people have budgets. If you just want to feed the kids I’d suggest a set up like that making it clear. Do what suits you and your budget.

I’d like to think it’s a given that siblings aren’t invited, the times both parents have come or a sibling has come the parents have messaged to ask if that’s okay. Usually it’s just due to childcare issues and not having anyone to look after the sibling.

My tip for party bags someone gave me, if the offer is still on, is the 2 for £15 playdough from Argos. I hate plastic tat, I wasn’t going to do party bags this year (I sound such a Scrooge lol) but the playdough, little cutter and slice of cake was all I did in the end. And didn’t break the bank.

Good luck!!

My children are early teens now but no, there were no adults' buffet / drinks provided at class parties when they were small. Offer a cuppa once the kiddies are settled into the activity and pass round a tin of naice biscuits - job done. Most Dads parents will hoover up the inevitable leftovers from the kids anyway.