Is this normal for children's parties now?

[bumblebee1987]

My DD is turning 5 soon, and we're planning her Birthday party. She's never had a party before, and she wants a big party with her whole class, so that's what we're doing.

I am a bit out of touch with children's parties, my DS is 11, and he didn't really go to many parties at all (I think partly due to having SEN, he never seemed to get invited) and we stopped trying to plan parties for him because generally they weren't well attended, and I couldn't face the heartbreak of so few people turning up.

Anyway, I digress! My daughter is in reception, and has so far been to six class parties since she started school. At every party so far, there has been a buffet for the parents, as well as alcohol provided at five of them (not a boozy affair, just a bit of beer and prosecco!). Is this normal now? I don't want to not provide food for parents if this is expected, but ideally I just wanted to focus on the children and just provide tea/coffee/bit of cake for parents.

Also, I am noticing a trend for both parents of the invited child and siblings to attend. Is this also the norm now? Would it be rude to politely ask that only the invited child attends? Obviously if a parent is struggling for childcare then siblings would be welcome, but my party budget/space doesn't really stretch to lots of additional children and parents! I would love to have a more the merrier approach, but based on parties we've been to so far, I think that could quickly spiral to a fairly substantial amount of children, and my daughter is shy and uncomfortable with people she doesn't know well.

I'm probably overthinking it all...haven't planned a party for a long time, can you tell?!

So weird to supply alcohol at a kids party. Maybe some people ruled you out as a potential friend on this basis.

Not the norm for me. Tea/coffee for parents....if it's in a hall they can help themselves. I would put on the invitation 'unfortunately the venue is unable to accommodate siblings'...you don't have to specify why. If anyone has a childcare issue they'll either not attend or may ask you directly whether they can bring sibling.

Out of, I would estimate, 80+ children's parties I've been to, none have had alcohol and 3 have had substantial food for parents (2 at soft play where extra pizzas were ordered for parents; one in a hall where there was a very lavish adult buffet) and maybe 3 more have put a few bowls of crisps etc out.

At probably under half the parties tea or coffee has been offered.

I think it very much depends where you live. I’ve been at a few parties like you describe, where a glass of Prosecco or wine is offered with bits. And also been at kids parties where you’d get a tea or coffee.

Then there has been a few organised parties in venues - like trampolining, soft play or some other organised activity.

I would do what suits you.

In a village hall, you’d need to specify no siblings as people will bring them along. I would personally just welcome them if that is the norm where you are.

We usually provide some food and drink for the adults, particularly if it's at a venue where there isn't a cafe e.g. bowls of crisps, canned drinks and tubs of flapjacks/brownies. Most of the parties we've been to recently haven't offered food for the adults though and they don't offer alcohol as most people need to drive where we live now.

The children's parties we went to when DC were pre-school age in halls, people's houses or picnics in parks (in London) tended to cater more for the adults including adult food and a little Prosecco and beers etc. At that age, parents only invited the DC of their friends to parties really and nobody needed to drive, so they were more like get-togethers of adult friends, rather than the type of kids' activity parties we have now.

At reception age, i wouldn't usually expect parents to drop off their kids as they need some supervision still.

Reasonably normal in my experience but not expected. I went to one last week with DD2 (in Reception) and there was tea/coffee/biscuits for parents which is fine.

I expect those with siblings there have childcare issues/asked although when we had DD1's 6th party in a village hall some parents did turn up with extra siblings. It is bloody rude because I didn't have enough party bags and hadn't accounted for them in the catering. But that is the thoughtless minority.....most that brought siblings did ask in advance/explain childcare issue as you'd expect.

Normal to have beer and fizz for the parents here, off to one in a few hours and have been promised champagne in return for staying! We had DD’s last one in one of those fancier bowling alleys last year so had a bar tab open for parents. Even the local soft play cafe that’s popular for nursery parties has an alcohol license. It’s London though so very few are usually driving.

I usually provide tea/coffee/ soft drinks for parents along with nibbles. Not alcohol. I was offered gin at one child’s birthday party though which surprised me. I’m teetotal and said no, but would’ve declined regardless. It is increasingly normal for both parents to attend.

Oh and siblings usually it’s 50:50- most of the class are the eldest or onlys, so more often than not the younger siblings can’t do the activity because they aren’t old enough. I’d expect them to be invited to a church hall type thing though, just based on past precedent.

It’s definitely normal here to have an adult’s platter, I’ve only seen alcohol at a 3-5pm party at home or at a very relaxed get together of only parents who already knew each other.

Most of our parties to date have been at soft play/role play places so no catering for parents and siblings by invite/request as you book a set number of places and it’s relatively small.
The few hall parties have had soft drinks for parents but not food. Only one has had alcohol for parents so far. We are still in nursery though until end of Aug.

I put on the invite, “numbers are limited by the venue but if you need to bring a sibling please let me know. We will accommodate if possible”.

My DD’s reception class will have only 8-10 kids and we will likely be first up with tge party (early Sept) so I am half dreading it but also hope it means we can set the trend and keep it basic!

When my kids where younger we always went all out for parties as we had several birthdays fall close together and family were spread out etc. it was the perfect excuse to throw a big catch up bash for my youngest in July to balance out the Boxing Day party we always have.

We always provided food for everybody unless it was a party at the local pub and people could buy their own food, then we just provided a massive cake for adults to eat. But if it was a self catered affair then we fed everybody.

And before anybody clutches their pearls about throwing a kids party at the pub, it was a huge sprawling affair that allowed us to have a dedicated function room and a giant bouncy castle, plus Oreo and friends animals experiences and they had a giant outdoor play area. So it was perfect ( apart from the fact it was run by idiots).

kids buffet/party food which parents can pick at afterwards, tea, coffee, squash, and siblings welcome

Tbh I'm quite shocked by the beige buffets. I'm in quite a poor area and my buffets are not beige. The kids at our pastures have liked cake and idea obviously but they also completely hoovered up this like sliced carrots/ peppers and dip, onion bahjis, veg samosas , and rainbow fruit kebabs.

Complete mix for us. It’s normal for a parent to stay and to offer tea or coffee. Anything else is up to you.

If you don’t want siblings it’s best to say so clearly- unfortunately due to limited capacity we won’t have room for siblings, or whatever. Also worth bearing in mind some may come anyway.

Not the norm here but parents can have the leftovers!

It does sound like it is the norm where you are though- depends how much you want to ‘fit in!’ Sounds like you do with the question- but if not- you do you!

Around here the norm is offering refreshments to parents - some have been alcohol but most have been soft drinks or tea/coffee. Some have had biscuits/fruit for parents.

Normally it's assumed the invitation is just for the classmate but then if people are stuck for siblings they contact the host to ask if it's okay to bring along X.

I’ve been to all sorts of parties (yes affluent area) and at this age it’s normal to cater for parents. Booze not essential but tea / coffee / snacks are.

It is a bit annoying when 2 parents turn up and siblings too but I think you just have to be ready for that. They may or they may not. As the family gets older this totally drops off. I never even see the parents any more now my children are at the end of primary / secondary.

Most of the places I’ve been to parties at weren’t licensed so no alcohol. Last year we had DDs party in a village hall that had a bar so people just bought their own drinks (we had 60 kids there, I wasn’t having a free bar for that many!)

Never seen food for parents either other than some tea/coffee and biscuits.

The expectation they can bring siblings is very tiresome. This year I’m having to just say no. The venue has a max number for the party rooms and for the soft play, it gets booked up in advance (no walk ins) so they can’t just waltz up with their whole brood and expect to get in.

I thought there was a rule, child's age + 2=number of children invited. That's what we did anyway. Whole class parties give me the shivers.

The only parties I’ve been to with alcohol for the children are the same parents who drive massive expensive Range Rovers to pick their kids up from school, I normally just order party food for the kids from Morrisons and the parents eat what’s left after the kids have taken their plates and offer tea/coffee/squash.

That strikes me as odd that the parties get bigger as the kid gets older. In my experience it’s been the other way around. Whole class parties when little and as they get older it becomes more like an activity and meal with a small group of friends.

We did tea or coffee plus a few biscuits for adults when it was a party in a hall but I have been to parties where nothing has been offered and that’s fine. I just try to remember to take along a bottle of water.

We went to costco and got an extra sandwich platter for parents and a box of diet cokes

The thing with these parties is that if the parents of the first birthday of the year (usually a September birthday child) hold a party with alcohol and food for the adults then it can set a precedent that rumbles on as the parents of birthday child 2 then feel the need to follow suit and so on.

There may well be other parents who feel the same as you and will be relieved if the new 'norm' is eroded over time.

Here I've been to a few village hall parties and they have varied between no food/drink at all for the adults to the other end of the scale with a separate buffet for adults and alcohol.

Adding even just one alcoholic drink per parent to the budget really adds up, same with additional party bags for siblings. I couldn't afford to be this generous and I know plenty of parents in a similar boat.

The first party DD went to in Reception was a massive affair with three different hired in entertainments, catered for both adults and children by a local takeaway, drinks for adults etc. and there were probably 60-70 people there. Luckily it was so far beyond most people's expectations that it couldn't possibly set a precedent so everyone just enjoyed the event without feeling pressure to try to emulate it.