Is this normal for children's parties now?

[bumblebee1987]

My DD is turning 5 soon, and we're planning her Birthday party. She's never had a party before, and she wants a big party with her whole class, so that's what we're doing.

I am a bit out of touch with children's parties, my DS is 11, and he didn't really go to many parties at all (I think partly due to having SEN, he never seemed to get invited) and we stopped trying to plan parties for him because generally they weren't well attended, and I couldn't face the heartbreak of so few people turning up.

Anyway, I digress! My daughter is in reception, and has so far been to six class parties since she started school. At every party so far, there has been a buffet for the parents, as well as alcohol provided at five of them (not a boozy affair, just a bit of beer and prosecco!). Is this normal now? I don't want to not provide food for parents if this is expected, but ideally I just wanted to focus on the children and just provide tea/coffee/bit of cake for parents.

Also, I am noticing a trend for both parents of the invited child and siblings to attend. Is this also the norm now? Would it be rude to politely ask that only the invited child attends? Obviously if a parent is struggling for childcare then siblings would be welcome, but my party budget/space doesn't really stretch to lots of additional children and parents! I would love to have a more the merrier approach, but based on parties we've been to so far, I think that could quickly spiral to a fairly substantial amount of children, and my daughter is shy and uncomfortable with people she doesn't know well.

I'm probably overthinking it all...haven't planned a party for a long time, can you tell?!

Wow, my youngest is only 11 so not long since the whole class party years and never once have I seen alcohol at a children's party.

We live in a small town with the school catchment area including the surrounding villages so a lot of people drive anyway. It just wouldn't have crossed my mind to provide alcohol or to expect it.

Regarding food, I always made sure that there was plenty for adults and siblings to graze on too but didn't do anything separate for them. I used to find some children ate a lot but many of them are pretty excited and hardly eat anything so there was always enough.

I went to a child’s birthday party in an actual bar recently! It was at lunchtime. Parents could buy a drink (I didn’t) but there was no food or drink for parents at all. I would say that party was an outlier.

Eldest is only 4 so never been to a drop off party. It’s fairly normal to serve alcohol, soft drinks, and at least some food for everyone round here. I would think it was a strange party if there was no food or soft drinks for adults, especially if at a meal time (see above). But I don’t expect alcohol and would only accept a drink if I felt it was appropriate at the time.

Children invited seem to be friends of the children not the whole class, and you’re mates with their friends’ parents, at least to some degree. Plus your actual friends with kids. A glass of prosecco with your friends while the kids play safely for the afternoon is a lovely thing! That’s what we do.

However, there is no drink driving, no getting drunk, or any of the other horrors suggested above.

I think it's dependant on the type of party.
For example, DD's last party was in a hall so we said siblings could come as it was a bit of a free for all. Previously she had a soft play party which was max 35 kids so we were tied to numbers.

I always do a mini buffet for the adults, because I know I like to pick at a party! We don't do alcohol but that's because the majority of people who attended were driving and didn't live locally enough to walk home. But we always offer hot drinks and soft drinks for adults and squash/water for the children

Saw alcohol often at nursery-age kids parties, where wider family members where also there, and more often when the party was at home.

I’ve not seen it so much at whole class parties since starting school, so don’t think you are obliged to provide it. Some church halls won’t let you have it anyway and soft play definitely won’t.

2 parents and siblings happens a lot though at that age; whole class parties are at least in part so other parents can meet eachother and if both parents are there then the other children will be too.
Ask in advance if siblings are coming but also expect some to just show up.

Provide coffee/tea/water jugs and easy snack food for parents (veg samosas and pakora go down well if you have an air fryer or oven at the venue to cook them in, and a platter small cakes/cookies/brownies)

IMO don’t provide booze, do have a few extra party bags for siblings in case they turn up.

It is normal around here. I had a whole class party for my dd in reception and chose to only offer biscuits and tea and coffee for the adults as buying the food and alcohol would have meant scaling back the children's entertainment and the party was primarily for the kids. We were on a budget though and live in an affluent area so lots of parents have more to spend.

I would say it's very normal for parents to stay (and helpful!) at class parties but not siblings. I was relaxed about siblings coming to my dd's as it was in a large hall but I didn't provide them with food/party bags. I would say most parents respect whatever you choose to do - allow siblings/provide food/don't - just do what you're comfortable with.

I would buy larger quantities of the buffet items that adults are likely to eat, then parents can have some, cold pizza is good. Offer tea and coffee.

On the invitation, say ‘Regret no siblings due to space limitations’ or something similar.

Party bag wise, buy a set of books from the Book People and split them, so each child took a book home. That was my bookworm daughter’s idea of heaven. Or the superhero capes sound fun. Whatever you think they will enjoy.

We're in a well off area but while I've been offered a tea or coffee at some kids' parties (not all) and you generally get offered pizza (if over supply) and a bit of cake, never ever booze.

I mean, why?! Expensive, the risk of drink driving and anywhere diverse some of the mums and dads will be Muslim.

Just no.

We did a hall party for DS' 5th bouncy castle, slide, arts and crafts etc. No alcohol but food for parents, nothing fancy just Costco sandwich/wrap platters, pastries, cakes, kettle chips, fruit and so on. Nice coffee etc too. That's not common here though, albeit lots of parties at soft play. We did get a lot of thank yous and appreciation from parents spending a couple of hours on a Sunday with 35+ noisy children. It was 11-1 so felt right to feed people

Village hall parties here have generally been food only for kids, occasional tray of extra sandwiches for parents, otherwise just left overs. Tea or coffee usually offered. If you say on the invite due to numbers no siblings please but let me know if it’s a problem, most people will go along with it tho you may get a couple of extras, but at least better than a free for all.

If the party is between now and Easter you could get buttons/Freddo Easter eggs instead of party bags. Easy and nice, no tat.

The thing is to just do what your DD will enjoy - be clear in the invite and all should be well.

My friend doesn't do party bags. She does a small Easter egg for each child. You can get them for £1 each on offer. I thought it was genius!

It’s been a few years since I went to that kind of whole class village hall party, but the norm here was for parents to stay. There would be a couple of siblings but they wouldn’t be included in the initial invite, parents would just text to ask if it was ok if they brought them too if they didn’t have childcare.
And there would be something for parents - tea/coffee, juice, crisps, biscuits but nothing massive. Very occasionally alcohol but not the norm.

I’ve never had, or offered alcohol at children’s parties, been to a LOT, affluent area. Maybe if it was a bbq / family thing but not for a class party in a hall. I’d offer some biscuits and Diet Coke / lemonade etc. Wouldn’t faff with hot drinks you’ll be too busy for that and you’ll miss the party if in the kitchen.

My pet hate post- party is when the children get a tiny bit of cake and my two are fighting over sharing it. So if you can, (obvs budget allowing!) give a big enough piece of cake to share if they have siblings’! For Party bags, sweets are king but not lollies or any choking hazards. For a small party I gave small cupcakes and put x2 in the party bags for the children with siblings.

Also, parents stay in year R (any that didn’t, the children were crying half way through as they missed mummy!). Then year 1 onwards we drop off and go but normally smaller parties at home

We’ve invited both parents round and offered adult food/drinks/cake in the preschool nursery class because we wanted to meet the parents after we moved to the area. Our party was small though (8 kids) and at home. Everyone had a good time! I think its nice to have a party like that if you are up for it and can afford it, however I wouldn’t expect it from others. Not sure what we are going to do for reception with 30 kids in the class 😭

It’s normal to offer a glass of wine or beer where I am. But only if the party starts in the afternoon. When my DD was 4, we did a morning party and I served tea, coffee and pastries to the adults. Children got a normal party lunch. That was fine because it started at 10am. Is that an option for you?

On siblings, some parents will ask if they can bring their other child/children. It’s up to you to decide yes or no. I’ve never had them turn up without being asked. Worth considering that if you say no to siblings then very likely only one parent will turn up as the other has to take care of the other children. But for single parents it may mean they can’t come at all.

We’ve just moved to a new area and I’ve been surprised to find parties here don’t even involve food for the kids. It’s generally 45mins in the leisure centre soft play/gymnastics area followed by singing happy birthday with a fruit shoot and a slice of cake. At least it’ll be cheaper when it’s our turn I guess!

In our old area it was 50/50 if food was provided for adults. There was always tea/coffee though.

I priced up a local place for a party, I knew it would be expensive but as part of the add on's was wine for the parents at £27 a bottle 😂

Needless to say we didn't book and did the cheap and cheerful approach!

I live in an affluent area of SW London. Most of the party venues just cater for the kids so there’s nothing more than cups of tea and cake for the adults. I think if you were catering for it at home or at a venue that offered adult food then it would be normal to offer it.

Similarly because several local venues have a 30 child limit it’s not possible to have a wide invitations for siblings to join the fun.

She didn’t say that, she said alcohol had been provided. I personally wouldn’t pay for that but there are options of play areas with a bar where parents can buy their own drink and food if they wish.

I have offered, and been offered, alcohol at kids parties but if others don’t it doesn’t other me at all. I’ve been to very few parties where adults are catered for. Perhaps it’s more normal when the party is over lunchtime eg 11-1?

@bumblebee1987 in your position I’d try and do a Sunday morning party 10-12. Kids tend to be less excitable then so hopefully less overwhelming for your DD. Would you consider an entertainer rather than a bouncy castle? A good one would work to help her feel comfortable in a bigger group. And you can cite entertainer max numbers as a reason for no siblings. Also with a morning party parents won’t be so bothered by booze so you can just do tea, coffee and pastries. Although bear in mind that making tea and coffee for 30+ people is a massive task and you will need help.

Those of you who did a whole class party plus siblings, how did you entertain 50 children in a village hall? One bouncy castle and some balloons wouldn’t cut it surely. And entertainer numbers seem to be capped at 25-30.

Partly depends on party timing but at soft play type parties we had a tab for parents to get a hot drink (but nothing else, up to them if they bought food).

Hall type party I avoided holding it over an actual mealtime eg did 10-12 or 2-4pm and then did tea/coffee/biscuits for the parents who stayed. Mostly only one parent stayed. We were always asked in advance if siblings could attend but the invites made it clear we had a entertainer coming and those usually charge for x number of children.

I've been to one party that offered Prosecco but otherwise it's just been hot drinks only. If it was over a mealtime I'd feel more obliged to offer parents more food as otherwise when do they eat?

Just held a village hall birthday party for primary aged kids - did a ‘beige and sugar’ buffet as someone else here put it 🤣 and mainly catered for the kids but enough for adults to have a little bit plus enough cake for everyone. Tea/coffee for adults and squash/water for kids. Instead of party bags did a ‘choose a book’ (10 for £10 from the works). Don’t overthink it!

Sometimes. Do to your way, no one normal and decent would judge you.

Most kids parties i got to that are not pay per head activities so hiring out a hall type event. Siblings and parents all invited. Host usually has a kids buffet and some m and s trays of sandwiches for adults. Capri suns for kids and tea/coffee/fizz for adults.

Split the kids in half so half on the bouncy castle whilst the other half are with the entertainer then switch. Never done it personally but been to a couple of parties that have done it this way with bouncy castle outside and entertainer inside and it works well. Or do a disco with a DJ instead and the usual musical statues etc type games as that’s unlikely to have a cap on the numbers.