Is this normal for children's parties now?

[bumblebee1987]

My DD is turning 5 soon, and we're planning her Birthday party. She's never had a party before, and she wants a big party with her whole class, so that's what we're doing.

I am a bit out of touch with children's parties, my DS is 11, and he didn't really go to many parties at all (I think partly due to having SEN, he never seemed to get invited) and we stopped trying to plan parties for him because generally they weren't well attended, and I couldn't face the heartbreak of so few people turning up.

Anyway, I digress! My daughter is in reception, and has so far been to six class parties since she started school. At every party so far, there has been a buffet for the parents, as well as alcohol provided at five of them (not a boozy affair, just a bit of beer and prosecco!). Is this normal now? I don't want to not provide food for parents if this is expected, but ideally I just wanted to focus on the children and just provide tea/coffee/bit of cake for parents.

Also, I am noticing a trend for both parents of the invited child and siblings to attend. Is this also the norm now? Would it be rude to politely ask that only the invited child attends? Obviously if a parent is struggling for childcare then siblings would be welcome, but my party budget/space doesn't really stretch to lots of additional children and parents! I would love to have a more the merrier approach, but based on parties we've been to so far, I think that could quickly spiral to a fairly substantial amount of children, and my daughter is shy and uncomfortable with people she doesn't know well.

I'm probably overthinking it all...haven't planned a party for a long time, can you tell?!

Interesting thanks. I’m thinking ahead to a whole glass party plus extra non-school friends. A disco seems a good option thanks

We always provided food for everybody unless it was a party at the local pub and people could buy their own food,

A children!’s birthday party held in the pub…,MN is eye opening.

Affluent area of Manchester here. Norm is buffet food for kids only or at that age a pre-prepared box of food for each child.Cups of tea for adults. No food. Definitely no booze. Party invitee only catered for but if a sibling needs to come along and you ask in advance that's OK and effort made to include them (no additional catering but they can still help themselves to food and join in games). I always made extra party bags for siblings. On party bags for younger dc I don't like too much sugar but a bag of haribo is pretty much essential and then I'd include Baker Ross tat like those flying planes or light up bouncy balls, NO slime (didn't want to be THAT parent). A friend handed out bubble wands. I think a slinky or punch balloon go down well. Not got girls so never got to try all the girly tat. Sweet cones are ever popular. Mix with popcorn maybe to make a bit healthier. Never liked really worthy party bag suggestions you only ever see on mumsnet but I do recall things like seed cards (straight in the bin) and all non plastic environmentally friendly stuff being immediately discarded. Someone once gave a book from a world of books Greek myth set which was a nice idea but we already had the set so it went to charity. Now my dc are older I fight the plastic tat and just buy sweets.

Crikey! Whatever next?!

Children's parties seem to be becoming bigger and bigger affairs. When mine were little (1980s), I think maybe we held two parties for each of them between the ages of 3 and 8. They involved getting half a dozen friends round to play a few party games and eat birthday cake. After about age 8 they just had one or two friends and had a trip to the swimming pool or the cinema, followed by a takeaway pizza and a sleepover.

The children's parents were never invited to any of the parties, unless they'd been roped in to help.

Don’t do party bags, and there’s your budget for some food and drink for the parents. Why is it all for the kids.

Why is it all for the kids.

Maybe because it is a child’s party with guest children?!!

I definitely don’t think it’s normal for both parents to stay and most are considerate about not bringing siblings unless they need to.

I think most village hall parties that I’ve been to do offer a Prosecco, pimms a beer for waiting parents. It’s never a full on bar but nice to have a drink. You don’t tend to see it at activity parties so much as they run more to a formula and a more likely drop and go with slightly older kids. If it’s over lunch then nice to offer something to adults but no-one expects a full on meal.

I think my culture might affect how we do kids parties. I and other friends might have a large party for a child and provide food and drinks for adults but usually it’s friends and family and might invite a few school friends.

I’ve personally only invited my DDs friends and haven’t done class parties and I’ve never really been judged for it - but that’s normal where I’m based in London.

A few parents have hosted large whole class parties and their intention might be to get to know the parents or “win points” (could be conscious or unconscious) and so they will provide something for adults to stick around and mingle.

It’s really up to you and how much you want to “keep up with the Jones”

Beer, prosecco and a bowl of crisps is the norm around here for the parents.

See if there is another child in your daughters class with a birthday coming up and ask the parent if they would like to do a joint party. That was the normal when my daughters were young.

Great way of sharing the cost and organisation. Good luck.

50/50 with the alcohol here - depends on the venue more than the parents (soft play etc won’t allow it, pub function room will).

I always let the parents eat, and I don’t really mind which sibs turn up. I haven’t had any whole families turn up though - that seems like more of a throwback to nursery parties, which are more about the families socialising together than the children.

It’s quite the norm around here to have village hall parties with sit down food for the kids and selection of nibbles/cake/biscuits for the adults/older siblings and would not be out of place to have a beer or Prosecco but only really when they are in reception/Y1. The school is a village school and all the children know each other and are encouraged to interact so my DD’s always knew the siblings. Now we are in a dump them off and pick them back up after.

Both parents attend as they don’t know anyone so don’t want to be sat there on their own for 2 hours. Over time you will see that just one parent will attend. As for siblings, the parents tend to pay them in if it’s a soft play type of place, I wouldn’t say there is any expectation for you to pay for them too. They don’t always have someone available to watch their other child and they might enjoy the place too, and they’ll get them some dinner at their own table. I had to bring my then baby to plenty of parties when my son was in reception, they seem to be every/everyother week. When it’s my daughters turn my son will have to come too but I won’t expect him to be paid for or fed. There have been a few where tea/coffee have been available, one in a function room where you bought your own alcohol if you wanted it. If the party you’re doing is where you organise the food then I’d let parents have some once the kids have got theirs and tea/coffee. Any other place I wouldn’t bother.

Perhaps the invitations could specify that a parent is welcome to accompany the child to the party? I'm amazed that whole families show up when one child is invited.

Okay so I live in a very affluent area and DS goes to a very good affluent school in one of the most expensive areas. He has just had his 5th birthday party, as have many others in his class (and a lot more upcoming). Not one party served alcohol, yes tea and coffee was provided for parents but zero alcohol! And no, siblings weren’t automatically invited unless the parent specifically asked. At my DS party two people did bring their siblings but as it wasn’t a pay per head and I had more than enough party bags it worked out fine.

Surrey (UK) mum here. DC is now long grown but it was absolutely the norm to provide tea and cake when parents stayed with children. Prosecco or wine quite normal.

Here is a bit of both.. rented hall with kids buffet, entertainer, loads of pizzas ordered in for the adults and a few bottles of prosecco. Others are just at a soft play with nuggets and chips included for the kids. I opted for the second example 🤣 if siblings come, parents pay for them for the soft play and but their food. seems to be some sort of unwritten rule here

Definitely not norm where I'm from! I've never hosted or been to a children's party where adults were fed. Definitely not given alcohol! I find that a bit Odd

God no, parents never stayed they just dropped them off and went.

Please can you send me a link to those capes?

Due to the nature of my work and because I have young primary children I go to young children's parties all the bloody time. I can tell you that for large whole class/hall type parties I have been offered alcohol approximately 3 times out of 100. One was a community hall and offered cans of lager/cider, that seemed a bit out of place. The other two were at very posh houses and offered prosecco. Oh also when they are at a cricket/rugby club the bar is usually open for alcohol and soft drinks, this makes it cheaper for the host, but I've never been to one where adult drinks have been funded in that situation.

As for food for the adults, I personally have always provided hot drinks and pastries/biscuits but I've not been to any other party that has that I can think of, other than hot drinks often.

For parties where it is not priced per head, siblings are often welcome, but people do get cheeky with this and will expect food and party bags for the siblings too in my experience. If you don't explicitly offer, most people will usually ask in advance.

Also tip for other people. If you say siblings welcome to tag along, people will assume that means you are feeding them too. I learned that the hard way when I had a whole class party and it was £20 a head 🫣.

I've done two types of party. One where parents could stay (tea/coffee) and the other with a very limited number of kids and no adults stayed. I have been to parties where adults and siblings are invited and are a bit more fluid.

Six to eight kids. No adults staying. No sibs. Normal party 1980s style. Games followed by tea then cake in party bag. Aged five that's your best option. These kids are used to it as they're at school so they don't need parents around to function.

We’ve tried not to host but find places that do the catering and entertaining. We actually hate parties. We’ve hosted once with another family and even split between us, it was bloody awful and a stress we didn’t need so we went down the soft play, football parties and laser quest routes where they do everything for you. It’s about the kids, not the adults. Get to a certain age and parents like to dump and run to give them a breather. We never catered for parents, they could make a brew in the community hall kitchen and grab a biscuit but that was it.

Can you just put drop off and pick up times on the invites ?

Why don’t you scrap the whole class invite and cut numbers to just who she sits with, plays with and socialises with. Then if siblings come too it won’t be too overwhelming