Corporate chit chat - tell me the worst twaddle

[Changingplace]

I’m soon to be leaving a very corporate role, one of the reasons I need to leave is the insufferable corporate nonsense people talk, I don’t mean industry specific jargon but actual claptrap, the final straw for me was a man announcing they’d need to ‘respray’ some staff 🤣😆

I assume he meant retrain, ffs why do people do this? Do they think it makes them sound clever? It really doesn’t 😂

Whats the silliest corporate twaddle you’ve had the misfortune of hearing?

’We need to leverage that’

🤮

What low hanging fruit can we aim for first to make the biggest impact 🤣

We were once told that we needed to “stop chasing one another around the car park”. No one was doing that in the literal sense and 15ish years on I still have no idea what they were trying to say.

'it's in our gift to make this happen'

🙄

@Hedonism eugh. that it a particular bugbear of mine. its in our gift...WTAF

I really hate “reaching out”

Following because I love these.

I'm a teacher and education has its own pretentious equivalents.

My latest bugbear is "retrieval practice" = a quiz

Reach out
Lean in
'Let's unpack that'
Empower

Engaging in…

Direction of travel.

Let me noodle on that.

I've had years of the circling back, moving the needle, tiger teams and the like.

But at a recent leadership workshop the HR facilitator kept saying 'delicious problems' which is a whole new level of hell.

Only acceptable if coming from Neil Diamond!

I hate "we need to hit this one out of the ball park"

When ever my boss refused to take the blame,it was always "a miscommunication between staff".Which was code for,she had fudged up.Again.

Socialising something.
I have been working so long now that I don’t understand why things are still so shit and we keep having to have reorganisations, management consultants, tedious meetings. I’d kind of hoped that AI would have taken over our roles right now so we could chill a bit.

“Deep dives” make me cringe 😳
reaching out
parking that idea

Circle back
Deep dive into the data
Ping me
Let's touch base
Singing from the same hymn sheet
I want to align with you on this
Not enough bandwidth
Actionable items
Move the needle

I'm guilty of using some of these...

Ping me makes me want to stab people

“Being agile” usually meant that junior staff had to deal with whatever rubbish was thrown at them in my old place regardless of whether it was part of their role.

'Quick wins!'

Optics
Granular
Leverage

You Should look up the ‘wankernomics’ - 2 Aussie comedians who have a good take on all this shit!

I use some of these haha!

I hate using the word "piece" to describe a specific area as in "Jane's looking at the strategic piece and we need to concentrate on the activity piece"

A new marketing bod has recently arrived at a desk around 10 feet away from mine, and I am rapidly losing the will to live...

Hours and hours of twaddle.