How on earth do you stay married to a teacher?

[Chikoletta]

Am struggling with my DH and the general domestic load. In the hols he is a good dad and husband and life just feels so much more relaxed, it feels we can enjoy time as a family and that we work together to do the domestic work etc

But it’s an absolute shit storm in the termtime, I do all the kids drop offs and picks ups on public transport, all the cooking, laundry and kids bedrooms most of the week as he is out late until 9pm a couple of nights a week. Im exhausted and pregnant, the house is awful because I’m the only one trying to keep it tidy, plus additional stress of not having enough money.

BUT I used to be a teacher, I know how draining it is and his hours are extra long eg was in school half day today because it’s an independent.

So I don’t begrudge the burden on his plate, we are both exhausted and stressed and so often feel like our family is surviving, rather than thriving. But how on earth does anyone manage like this?! Keep fantasising about him
getting a new job but perhaps it’s a case of the grass being greener?

No, your experience of being married to a police officer, years ago, is different.

As it was probably about 20 years ago, it’s not really worth using that experience to tell someone that they are wrong comparing situations. Or that you know for a fact their experience couldn’t possibly be as bad as the Ops.

For a start, different jobs have different experiences and expectations. A Police Officer doing a desk job, isn’t going to have the same impact on the family that fire arms or mounted have. As examples.

Artemis, except for the ones on this thread that work similar hours to op’s dh. Did you work in a boarding school?

I've been with my teacher husband for almost 20 years and he teaches in an independent school. He is generally finished by 6 3 nights a week and 430 twice a week, with no weekend teaching or duties. However he does try to leave home early to get an hour or two of work in before school.

Not all private schools are the same, and if you have Saturday school and sports coaching it's a lot worse. He used to teach in a boarding school where teaching didn't finish until 6 and evening prep and duties made for some late finishes. This was made bearable by exeat weekends to look forward to and the fact we had no kids then. Luckily when our child was young we were overseas and the hours were more manageable (and we had a maid).

Not all private schools have the same time demands so perhaps he needs to consider his options. Is he bringing work home with him or managing to get everything done at school - that also makes a difference. If he's coming home early but bringing work home then that's not much better.

I have friends who teach in state schools and their load is a lot more so I just look forward to the long holidays.

Have you considered teaching overseas? Generally there's a better standard of living, help available and free child places for your children.

I think the subject is crucial too. Drama teacher means endless play rehearsals and performances. English teaching is a LOT of marking . Other subjects are less demanding or more/equally demanding in other ways .