If you are a second wife, do you expect to inherit everything from your husband?

[rickyrickygrimes]

… or do you expect him to leave something to his children from a previous marriage?

This subject comes up often on here: man is widowed, inherits everything from his wife, remarries, then dies - leaving everything to his second wife and his children inherit nothing.

this happened quite recently to a friend of mine, which not only did not inherit but also lost his livelihood as he was employed in his fathers business, which his second wife chose to sell as she wasn’t interested in running it.

I’m in France where (as I understand it) children cannot be completely disinherited from a will i.e. part of the estate is always reserved for children and the spouse does not inherit everything. This leads to some very complicated situations but does mean that all children will inherit something from their parents, no matter what the relationship between the parents / children is like.

we often hear from the children on here but not often the pov of the second wife. So I’m interested to know what you think? Do you expect to inherit everything from your husband (which is pretty standard between married couples in the UK)? Or would you expect his children from previous relationships to be included / recognised in his will - especially if he has previously inherited from their mother?

This is what happened to my DF. His parents spilt and remarried when he was a child. DSG moved into DN and DG’s house. Fast forward 60 years and DN dies first and DSG inherited everything. DSG then went a little estranged especially when half uncle had children. When DSG died my Half uncle inherited everything. My DN would be devastated that it happened like that. Weirdly DSG had a daughter from before he married my DN and she didn’t get anything either. I think DN would have expected it to be spilt equally between DU’s.

On his father’s side DG died first and DSN inherited everything. Years later when DSN died inheritance was spilt equally between DU’s full and half. An additional gift was given to a member of the family who cared for her in her later years and another portion was spilt equally between DGC. That was almost what DG wanted changes were only made because of how things panned out in her later years, I think he would have been happy.

If my DH died first I'll get a life interest in the house. It will then go to his children. That's fine with me.

I’m sorry but what now?

DSG
DU
DSN
DG
DN -niece? Nephew?
DGC- grandchildren?

no clue on the others though..

I am a second wife. Whatever we brought into our marriage is our business. We intend to enjoy every second we have together and have no interest in anyone elses designs on our hard earned money.

This really does interest me. Setting the scene….. My DH (first and only marriage for both of us) married 22 years DS’s 23 and 20 years. Have a Will that states our children receive everything we have and house is split 50/50 between them (approximately £500k) We have spoken about if anything happens to either of us that we need to safeguard our children’s inheritance…. I’m assuming this is quite simple. I would love for my DH to meet someone new in the event of me dying but I also want my sons to get what they rightly deserve too.

So where will the surviving spouse live? And will you have given away all the joint money?

But what if you die first and your dh remarried and changed his will to his new wife got everything?

Whether this is fair depends on how much of your estate came from your DH. If the 'everything' he left you now makes up the bulk of what you have then it would be fair to divide it equally between all his children and mean to do otherwise.

How could that work at all?

If you own the house as joint tenants you cannot leave it in your will, it automatically passes to the other person.
If you hold as tenants in common then you can will your share each however you want, but you can't own more than 99%, and it's more usual to own around 50% each.

So, it's only on the second death that the kids could inherit 50% each. Until then, assuming you do due individually which would be usual, you'll be putting each other in an odd situation if the kids inherit half the house the survivor lives in.

Also, after the first death the survivor may remarry or change the will. You cannot prevent either thing from happening.

Absolutely this!

Same here.
DH has 2 adult children. His half of our home will be put into Trust.
If DH passes first, I will live in our home up until my death at which point his half will go to his DC and mine where I have decided (no DC)

@Justontherightsideofnormal see your solicitor and get it set up, it isn’t that difficult.

We have tenants in common on house as my share is greater. My share goes to kids, on the basis that DH has right of residence until death.

Should he decide to take up with someone else then that is his business but they will not be moving into my house and profiteering off me and my children - so house has to be sold with my money going directly to kids, then he can set up home with his own money contributing to the new relationship.

Protective for DH too because too many are attracted to widowers on the basis of their dead spouse’s money.

I’m the first wife but DH was in a relationship for around 8 years with 2DC prior to us meeting. His ex-DP didn’t work and he bought the house they lived in, and when she left him he didn’t request the sale of the house, he had a solicitor transfer it to DP and write his share for the DC. Ex-DP can be a little strange, and has been in various relationships and also some religious stuff, and DH didn’t want the house being left to a church or something, as he seriously thought it was the sort of thing she might do.

We’ve been together nearly 30 years, and everything we have we’ve worked for together. Our house will be left to our 2DC only, but any money would be largely to our DC with a consideration to DSC. They don’t have a good relationship with their DF and often only contact him when they want something. I have an okay relationship with both, and would look out for them if DH dies first.

@VanGoghsDog you can apply to have ownership changed from joint tenants to tenants in common. The only thing to be wary of is inheritance tax as married couple have a greater allowance collectively.

It is no odder than people signing over their house and retaining right of residence which a lot do.

The situation I want to avoid is either myself or DH being grief striken and/or elderly and more vulnerable to being manipulated by others, and ourselves and children being harmed due to that.

It really isn’t complicated to put protection in place at all.

Second wife.
Husband had nothing from first marriage. An old sofa. He moved into my house.
He had debts, ( loans to pay off their joint debts) no assets, she kept all the insurances, any asset.

He paid for his children, quite a lot of maintenance, now adults, doesn’t see them.

He won’t leave anything to his first children, he and their mother chose to have no relationship whatsoever.

She once wrote that she had lied about her income to get more money, and that they had nice holidays paid for by us. I’m pleased they have had a nice life, it’s just a shame we never saw them again, ( children I mean)

Everything we have, we’ve worked for together.

We’ve had nothing and will inherit nothing from his family. (PIL)

We won’t be leaving them anything in our wills, our children will ultimately inherit. Remembering the original asset was mine

So many second wives who think that their partner divorced his children when he divorced the mother, then it’s day zero from there on in. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the children of these first relationships are then described as not having a good relationship with their father, stepmother and half siblings. Unless that father doesnt bring or contribute a brass tack in the new relationship, why should the children from the first relationship be disinherited? Yes, I appreciate some people inherit nothing, life’s not all about money etc, but the point of comparison is the second family half siblings/nieces/nephews who inherit from two parents versus the children from the first marriage who inherit from 1.

You were executor of the will but not a beneficiary! That sounds such an odd thing to do, and understandably hurtful :(

@Acommonreader please tell me you didn’t act as the executor?!

Curious what the circumstances of the breakup of his first marriage were, and why his children felt more comfortable not pursuing a relationship with him.

Yes, it’s great isn’t it? The kids are just perceived to be an extension of the mother. Not entities in their own right who couldn’t control any lies about finances. ‘He and their mother chose to have no relationship’ … says it all really. Children are just collateral damage.

Sorry should have written a code. In my head when writing it worked 🙈😆
DSG- Step-Grandad
DU - Uncle
DSN - Step-Nan
DG - Grandad
DN - Nan
DGC - Grandchildren

A friend was the second wife,.

The first wife died and a year later friend got married to the widow. The widow had a grown daughter who was not happy about the marriage so soon after her mother died.

Father died shortly after the marriage an everything went to my friend. There are no other children involved and my friend will leaving everything to her nieces and nephews. I can’t imagine the daughter is particularly happy and I have been trying to get friend to include the daughter in her will

We don't have a will yet, I keep pestering DH but he's dragging his feet.
We own our own home jointly, no mortgage. I'm assuming if he died first then this would automatically pass to me? He has 2 adult DC.
He also solely owns about 4 rental properties so I've no clue what happens to them if he passed. He bought them prior to our marriage using his parents inheritance.
I'm not sure why he keeps putting it off, I'd much rather be safe in the knowledge that we have a will. I have no DC for clarity.

Does she not think the man she was with for that short time might have wanted something to go to his child?