If you are a second wife, do you expect to inherit everything from your husband?

[rickyrickygrimes]

… or do you expect him to leave something to his children from a previous marriage?

This subject comes up often on here: man is widowed, inherits everything from his wife, remarries, then dies - leaving everything to his second wife and his children inherit nothing.

this happened quite recently to a friend of mine, which not only did not inherit but also lost his livelihood as he was employed in his fathers business, which his second wife chose to sell as she wasn’t interested in running it.

I’m in France where (as I understand it) children cannot be completely disinherited from a will i.e. part of the estate is always reserved for children and the spouse does not inherit everything. This leads to some very complicated situations but does mean that all children will inherit something from their parents, no matter what the relationship between the parents / children is like.

we often hear from the children on here but not often the pov of the second wife. So I’m interested to know what you think? Do you expect to inherit everything from your husband (which is pretty standard between married couples in the UK)? Or would you expect his children from previous relationships to be included / recognised in his will - especially if he has previously inherited from their mother?

I find this hard . I cannot see why any parent would choose their new partner over their children. I know its their choice but there is noway I'd leave anything to a new husband and nothing to my children.

Even after 40 years of marriage? Don't you think the wife has contributed in all that time?

My father in law left everything to his second wife. Nothing to his two children from his first marriage. It. Felt sad to have nothing, he was very wealthy.

I will, but there no children from the first marriage.

It seems incredibly grabby for a second wife to expect to inherit everything, especially if it’s later in life. Of course kids should get the majority. If either of my parents were widowed and looked to remarry I’d immediately insist they update their wills to ensure inheritance was ringfenced

Yes, that’s what I was aiming at.

another complication is whether the surviving partner and the second spouse go on to have any children together. In my friend’s case, his father remarried quite late, and they didn’t have children together. So when she dies, everything goes to her children who aren’t related to my friend and his father at all 🤷‍♀️.

it’s making me wonder if DH and I should make something other than the mirror / everything to surviving spouse wills that we currently have. I can’t imagine DH ever, ever doing anything that wasn’t in the interests of our children, but I’m sure my friend’s mum didn’t either when she left everything to his dad (like most married couples do).

As a widow with moderate assets and children, this is why I will never remarry.

@Chocolatebiscuitcollection It’s awful. Even if I inherited everything I couldn’t keep it. But culturally it’s different here I guess.

Situations are different. In terms of property, if I died, I would expect my dp to leave the house ( or equivalent value) to our shared children, not a second partner/ spouse. That is because I have paid for this house too and it would be wrong for another woman (who did not contribute) to then inherit it. If, on the other hand we had separated, split the equity and ex then bought a property with a second partner/spouse, I’d expect her to inherit as they bought the house together. Savings, I’d expect provisions in place for all children. To exclude children from a first marriage/ relationship would be wrong .

The question itself indicates some of the problems with inheritance as a concept.

People end up focusing on who gets what after someone dies, and use that as a proxy for love. And the ‘second wife’ is so often positioned as a predator (in relation to her own home, after her husband has died) looking to usurp the (now adult) children.

It’s quite depressing.

Did your dh not have any home or savings when he met you?

What would you do though if you remarried after his death? Leave everything to new man rather than yours and his children?

Not a second wife, but I would expect to inherit the home then upon my death split it amongst any children. If there’s money, I would divide it before my death once I got to a certain age.

Depends when you got together and what was divided up initially though. If together say 20 years, you owned the home, split it at that point then get remarried and you both start afresh, have children then I’m not so sure. It’s a bit awkward. If it were me with the children from a previous marriage I’d split it 50/50 and then divide my 50% amongst all children.

Money always causes drama.

First wife gets nothing surely? - I wouldn’t expect to!

When you say ‘expect’ do you mean you are relying on your DH to do the right thing and follow your wishes? Or are you personally taking steps to ensure that it happens, whether he chooses to do it or not?

I suspect a lot of people would be very disappointed to see what their surviving spouse has chosen to do after their deaths.

The question itself indicates some of the problems with inheritance as a concept.

i think the issue is housing. The bulk of inheritance comes from houses which dc sometimes need in order to have housing stability themselves.

Your situation is practically identical to mine with the key difference being that my stepmother is absolutely adamant that she will leave her estate to my brother and me. I have no reason to distrust this, but have also made my peace with the idea that I won’t inherit anything, firstly because she is only 11 years older than me (she is 13 years younger than my dad) so could outlive me and secondly due to the possibility that she will change her mind.

My dad’s financial situation was an absolute disaster after his second marriage ended but is better now, in huge part due to my stepmother’s relative prosperity, so I do also think that if she decided to leave us out of a will later down the line that is a slightly more defensible position. Might still sting a bit though.

I think some children are grabby and expect an inheritance. Sadly there may not be any money left if the surviving spouse goes into a care home.

Why should a second wife who has contributed 50/50 not be entitled to be left everything?

This is our first and hopefully only marriage. We have one child. I also own another property and have specified that this goes to her when I die. I wouldn't want to marry again, to avoid any nonsense over her inheritance.

As a 2nd wife sadly widowed we had mirror wills in place.
DH and I were married for 20 years and both contributed to our savings / home & life insurances. Our children (including my step children) are protected and will inherit when I die. But I am only 50 so hopefully that’s a while off.
Thankfully they have never asked for anything now (although they know I’ll help them as their Dad would have done) in terms of inheritance.
All of our lives have imploaded enough without adding money into it.

My granny died quite young (late 50s) and left everything to my grandfather - she had lots of family assets such as painting, furniture, jewellery plus the house was largely from her own inheritance. My grandfather remarried a woman 25 years younger than him and died leaving everything to her. So all my granny’s heirlooms have gone out of the family. She has a daughter (not my grandfather’s - from her previous marriage) and she’ll end up with all my granny’s things.

It’s shit but it’s his fault obviously.

We have our finances set up that our half of the house goes to our respective children but we can stay for the rest of our lives or sell if we prefer and can buy elsewhere and they retain interest in the new property, we do inherit each others money but no way would we disinherit each others children as we are not like that. I don't expect to have that much money for them to be complaining about anyway, house aside!

Inheritance makes the housing situation worse. Not everyone has rich parents who have died.

And the second wife also needs to be housed. Remember we are talking about her home, which she has often contributed significantly to.

How does it work in France/Italy/Netherlands/Norway etc if the only real asset is the house? I know that in Scotland only one third of the savings are required to be left to children, real estate is excluded.

Similar. We have been married nearly 30 years and bought our married home together, DH had no savings and was in rented accommodation when we met, I lived at home.

We have mirror wills initially, then Estate is split as follows - DH half split 4 ways between his 2 DC and our 2 DC, my half split 2 ways between our 2 DC.
DSC will also inherit from their mum (no idea what that might be).

Most of the Estate we have now is from an inheritance from my mum, DH will not inherit anything.

I appreciate that every case is different as people may remarry later in life which would probably change things.

I can’t force my parents to live with someone else or re-marry.

Why is it sad they haven’t remarried? Do you think anyone who isn’t married is sad?

Me and my sister would have no problem with either of our parents making that choice, and my husband would have no problems with his father making that choice either.

But it’s their choice to make.

My mum is fiercely independent and has worked so hard for everything she has got and there’s no way she would hand over 50% of that to someone else.

My dad has retired now but he’s always had a very good job and he’s got lord knows how much money stashed away but he wants it all to go to me and my sister and his grandchildren children (4 in total) and that’s his choice to make.

Yes my parents could go to a solicitor to say that everything they own and all the money they have is to be ring fenced for me and my sibling upon their deaths, but I can’t see any future partners being happy in the knowledge that if they were to cohabitate or marry they’d get nothing.

Both my parents have been in numerous long-term relationships many times since their divorce, it isn’t like they have lived lonely lives on their own. They have simply just not wanted to get married again.

And my FIL has been single for 5 years, prior to that he was married for 30+ years followed by a long-term relationship so he’s hardly lived a lonely life either.

FIL is 74 now and dating, cohabitating and marriage are not even on his radar. He wants everything he has to go to his children and his grandchildren and there’s nothing wrong with that.

When it comes to my parents, they are both happy, lead active lives and certainly aren’t crying into their breakfast every morning that they aren’t married.

They are in their 60’s now and so I doubt their mind sets will ever change.