If you are a second wife, do you expect to inherit everything from your husband?

[rickyrickygrimes]

… or do you expect him to leave something to his children from a previous marriage?

This subject comes up often on here: man is widowed, inherits everything from his wife, remarries, then dies - leaving everything to his second wife and his children inherit nothing.

this happened quite recently to a friend of mine, which not only did not inherit but also lost his livelihood as he was employed in his fathers business, which his second wife chose to sell as she wasn’t interested in running it.

I’m in France where (as I understand it) children cannot be completely disinherited from a will i.e. part of the estate is always reserved for children and the spouse does not inherit everything. This leads to some very complicated situations but does mean that all children will inherit something from their parents, no matter what the relationship between the parents / children is like.

we often hear from the children on here but not often the pov of the second wife. So I’m interested to know what you think? Do you expect to inherit everything from your husband (which is pretty standard between married couples in the UK)? Or would you expect his children from previous relationships to be included / recognised in his will - especially if he has previously inherited from their mother?

Yeah just re-read – so it was actually him who chose to not continue his relationship with his children. Nice man.

In Scotland there are "blood-line" trusts as such. This would prevent any second spouses from inheriting.

However there are draw-backs to this - it is much less tax efficient and also fees etc can be pricey.

Whilst I agree with you and made that point, I was told that he wanted her to have the money and it was hers legally and so she can do whatever she wants with it. I think she hasn’t forgiven the child for not being more welcoming to her. I have tried to explain why that might have been the case.

Its quite a lot as well.

I don’t have DC but if I did I would get legal advice and a proper will. Currently DH gets everything and if he is dead, then it goes to our favourite charity. If he goes on to remarry then I’m ok with that. But I have no siblings so no younger family members

Seems like a sad way to cheapen the relationship she had with this man, and very hurtful for the daughter. Heartbreaking really. You get some awful people in this world.

Well done for trying to be the voice of reason…! She sounds a bit immature and devoid of empathy.

I am a second wife. My dh has a child from whom we’re estranged. We have dc together. If he goes first I will get everything and leave it to our dc. The one who went no contact and broke my dh heart deserves nothing.

Would be interesting to hear the child's version of that story.

Placemaking

I’ve also kept my own assets in my sole name and had a Will made leaving it to my dc. So dsc won’t inherit from me via dh if I go first. He doesn’t have a will so would go to our dc and dsc by default. Don’t want dsc getting any of my money.

Is it reasonable to expect an inheritance from someone you are NC with?

Unreasonable to expect or even want.. if you were the person who went n/c.

Unreasonable but I bet they will come crawling out of the woodwork when the time comes.

@Dashel God this is horrendous and exactly the kind of nightmare scenario we have thankfully dodged so far.

So she’s lost her mother, then effectively her father, then the wicked stepmother takes all of her inheritance within 24 months? She is still grieving both parents.

Your friend has no moral right to that money, whatever the law says.

Personally, I would think less of a man who disinherited his children in my favor, but that's just me.

@Mamanyt I agree, however, I think the way this often plays out is that children of the first family lose out by default as so many people don’t have wills or like to think about this. In my partner’s
case, his parent’s second marriage produced another child and it was understandable that the parent wanted to prioritise protecting a dependent. However, this became the default so that even when that dependent reached the age my partner was when his parents divorced, then surpassed it by quite some, it would not have occurred to the parent to make a will. By that point, dementia kicked in and the step parent certainly wasn’t going to suggest this. In this instance, a family inheritance from a
grandparent who lived with my partner as a child, with all that that brought, has gone to the second family who never knew or met this man. My partner doesn’t have a single item to remember his parent by. Worse, we think that items were probably simply disposed of as they would have no meaning to the second wife. What is hurtful is that the parent didn’t think to make a will and consider all his children as equals. Ultimately that is on him; he chose by not choosing to make a will.

It's a very tricky scenario. My DM died a long time ago. DDad remarried ten years later or so - to a younger woman who had two children in their late teens. This was 20 years ago.

I don't know what he has put in his will - but in theory he could and very well may leave it all to her. She in turn could live another 10 or 20 years and then leave everything to her two children. When they met he already had his own house and a very comfortable pension. She had a house but it may have been mortgaged, and she was still working. I'm fairly sure she was far less financially settled than DDad (although not badly off).

My siblings and I are of slightly mixed views. None of us are hard up and we can all manage without any inheritance. That said - much as we love our step-siblings, it would leave a very bitter taste if they were to inherit everything, including whatever came from Mum's estate.

I am so pleased that DDad met someone else later in life and hasn't been sad and lonely as he was after DM died. I'm also pleased that he has someone to look after him now he's older. My stepmother can drive him around (he does still drive locally but......) and they go on holidays etc. I suppose if he leaves it all to her and ultimately her children then that would be his choice, and I would respect that. But I think I'd be pretty miffed......

And we are all fortunate that we are older and not in dire need. If any of us were, I think we would be very upset indeed. But I suppose you can't do anything about it.

Slightly different scenario here in that have a DD and DH doesn’t have children. Ive left everything to him and he has sworn he’ll leave everything to my DD when and if the time comes, and his will says as much. I trust him.

I don’t actually see it as much different as leaving it to a first wife.

still doesn’t guarantee your children will inherit. She could spend it, it could go on care, she could marry a Nigerian prince and ride off into the sunset.

you want your children to inherit, leave it to them. Doesn’t matter if it’s first, second or third wife.

Very true, and a testament as to why having a will is SO important!!!

I’m a second wife. The first wife got everything- house, savings- and moved away with his now adult dd. Dh has no relationship with her despite wanting one, and didn’t even know where she was from age 2-26. His DD will inherit from her mum.
if DH dies first, on my death everything will be split between my 4dc (2 with DH, 2 with XH). If I die first our joint DC inherit from DH, my older 2 from XH

This is also a bit weird. I get where you're coming from but unless the house is worth shedloads, and your DH can sell it, pay out the DCs and still afford a home for himself, it seems a bit mean. Why could he not bring a new partner into the home if you died?

Obviously we hope our OHs will be heartbroken etc for an appropriate length of time, but at some point we'd like them to be happy again. If that means being homeless or renting or in a tiny flat, just because your will doesn't let them live in the house, that feels a bit sad?

I get where you're coming from, but I don't think it's unreasonable to say that your spouse loses the life interest if they marry again, because their new partner may have kids of their own, or they might have more children together etc. That then creates complications that might get in the way of the original children inheriting.

And even if they're cohabiting, rather than actually getting married, is there a danger that the new partner would start to accrue rights on the property by virtue of living there, possibly contributing to household maintenance costs etc.

I have no skin in the game here, but I can see why someone might want to protect their children's future interests should their partner end up in a new relationship. It isn't necessarily just about punishing them for moving on.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves

And even if they're cohabiting, rather than actually getting married, is there a danger that the new partner would start to accrue rights on the property by virtue of living there, possibly contributing to household maintenance costs etc.

My DF’s gf lives in the house he bought with my DM (who died a while back). They’re not married and she doesn’t have any direct ownership of the house. However she did immediately start putting money into home improvements and has been quick to mention this. It’s clear she’s very much alive to the fact this might accrue her interest in the house.

A couple of years before he died, he suddenly married. The woman was a young refugee who also had a family in another country. His death was sudden and unexpected, although his health wasn’t great (in his seventies, so he wasn’t particularly young).

It turned out her DDad had made a new will, leaving everything to the new wife. The woman wouldn’t even give SIL any mementoes from among his stuff - she sold the lot. All SIL was able to do was go and rescue her DDad’s beloved, aging cat, which new wife had turfed out of the house and hadn’t even fed. As soon as the house was sold, new wife disappeared.

SIL found the whole thing utterly distressing. The sudden marriage and will change were so out of character for her Dad, who had always doted on her and had never taken any of his romantic relationships seriously. She was left wondering if he’d been coerced, or had genuinely just had his head turned by this young woman forty odd years his junior.

Call me a cynic - and I'm not saying that massive age-gap relationships are never, ever genuine - but I think that, in such a scenario, the intentions of the younger spouse are extremely clear to understand; when we're talking a gap of two generations. Obviously, you'd have no desire to marry your own actual grandparents - but would you ever see your grandparents' friends as attractive romantic partners? Really?

Without wanting to sound crass, I think they see it as an investment - maybe even just as a job, essentially - whereby they provide romantic/sexual and whatever other services for a person old enough to be their grandparent, who has significant assets; also putting on hold their opportunities for happiness with a partner their own age during that time - in exchange for a hefty payout after likely not too many years.

It would be amazing if they didn't expect to take the maximum return on their 'investment' when the time came. And surely the much, much older spouse must also fully understand what the deal is, and how it will play out after their death.

That said, it's extremely callous beyond words - in this and other scenarios - when somebody's greed extends far beyond the property/money/valuable assets, and they also deny the deceased person's family the old photos, mementoes, personal trinkets and sentimental items that mean the absolute world to them, but are worth nothing more than a couple of quid at most to them or to anybody else.

The woman was a young refugee who also had a family in another country.

...And, re-reading this bit and thinking again, might that family in another country also have included a husband? Not an ex or deceased husband, but one to whom she was still very much married, but with whom she agreed that she would leave and go to a much wealthier country for a few years to take a 'job' that would then eventually set them both/all up for life?

*Howmanysleepsnow · Today 00:25

I’m a second wife. The first wife got everything- house, savings- and moved away with his now adult dd. Dh has no relationship with her despite wanting one, and didn’t even know where she was from age 2-26. His DD will inherit from her mum.
if DH dies first, on my death everything will be split between my 4dc (2 with DH, 2 with XH). If I die first our joint DC inherit from DH, my older 2 from XH*

so his DD had no relationship with her father through no fault of her own, is deemed to.have inherited via a divorce settlement and therefore needs only to inherit from her mum? Meanwhile your own bio children inherit from two parents, and in one scenario your husbands non-bio children actually take precedence over the bio-child? You have every right to make the choices you have. Doesn’t make it fair. I’d love to hear the daughter’s account of this, also the first wife who ‘got everything’.