If you are a second wife, do you expect to inherit everything from your husband?

[rickyrickygrimes]

… or do you expect him to leave something to his children from a previous marriage?

This subject comes up often on here: man is widowed, inherits everything from his wife, remarries, then dies - leaving everything to his second wife and his children inherit nothing.

this happened quite recently to a friend of mine, which not only did not inherit but also lost his livelihood as he was employed in his fathers business, which his second wife chose to sell as she wasn’t interested in running it.

I’m in France where (as I understand it) children cannot be completely disinherited from a will i.e. part of the estate is always reserved for children and the spouse does not inherit everything. This leads to some very complicated situations but does mean that all children will inherit something from their parents, no matter what the relationship between the parents / children is like.

we often hear from the children on here but not often the pov of the second wife. So I’m interested to know what you think? Do you expect to inherit everything from your husband (which is pretty standard between married couples in the UK)? Or would you expect his children from previous relationships to be included / recognised in his will - especially if he has previously inherited from their mother?

I am divorced - my ex is very wealthy whereas I have very little. We have one daughter together - she is 12.

My understanding from what he has told me is that if he dies when she is still young, his assets are split between her and me, so that I can provide for her without worries, leave work if I want/need to etc.

He hasn't married his new partner so far, but my understanding is that his will would remain the same whether he did or not. She is quite wealthy herself, so has no need of his money.

Once my daughter reaches adulthood, I assume she will become his sole heir.

I don't have anything much to leave at present so it's a moot point. If I do in the future I assume I will split it between my current husband and my daughter, and ask my husband (who is childless and not independently wealthy) to make her his heir. This is only because my daughter stands to inherit a large amount from her dad. If that wasn't the case I would leave it all to her.

Children come first, but nobody wants to leave their spouse penniless if they can avoid it.

But he has no control over what you do with your will after he dies. You could change it and disinherit his kids

For your daughter’s sake - please don’t.

My dad is stepdad to my older brother, who is completely estranged from his own dad since childhood. My parents are leaving everything equally between us.

My husband is also a stepchild, as his dad died when he was little, his stepdad is all he's ever known as a father. I don't know how any will will play out, but his stepdad has separate savings just for his own son.

I don't know how you can assume full parental responsibility for a child and treat them differently.

That’s really sad for your DH :(

Yeah the direction of the wind might change if he gets a new partner who persuades/pressures him to disinherit

I actually can’t believe people are so naïve

Fortunately I think he was out of the room when he mentioned it, and I haven't the heart to tell him.

But it comes out in all sorts of ways - for example, MIL was happy to pay for BIL's birthday dinner for all of us. My husband insisted on paying for us, and FIL wanted to split BILs share with us too - in spite of no £££ meal out for husband's birthday. MIL intervened thankfully.

I’m second wife and here’s a different perspective. He has two (now adult) children from a previous marriage, I have no kids. We’ve been together for 12 years. During our time together I have been a huge part of his business and its growth, a lot of his assets came to their current value because of and during our relationship. I am with him, every day, caring for him and sharing every moment of stress and everything else that life throws at us, supporting him unconditionally. His adult kids are not. I would expect him to leave a portion of his assets to his kids and the majority to me. His kids will inherit from his ex-wife as well, and they have their whole lives to create their own wealth, too. It’s amazing to me that some people think a second spouse should be excluded. Honestly, that’s kind of disgusting. That person is the one who loves them and cares for them and is by their side, every day. Sharing all that life brings. Going through illnesses and loss and all of the joy too. Your kids should be included of course, but the life partner you choose is with you in a reciprocal relationship, every single day. You take care of each other first. You took vows to do so.

Would you then leave the portion of your estate that was inherited from him to his children? In your Will?

Surely if you're married everything belongs to both of you, so when one dies the other owns it all. Otherwise, why the palaver when divorce happens?

Surely his children will get it in the end, won’t they? You’ll leave your estate to them if you live the longest?

I'm a second wife and no I don't expect to inherit it all. My husband's first wife died and they had 5 kids together he is fairly wealthy and so the wills are set up to divide the money fairly with the majority of his estate going to his children. I will live on in this house until my death and they it will be sold and the proceeds will go to his children. I have no kids. I do have some of my own money that I will leave to my neices and nephews and perhaps any step grandchildren I have in future. Its all been discussed and everyone is happy. It's probably easier that I have no children myself and there is plenty of money to go round.

Yes, I’ll leave whatever assets came from him to me to them, if that is what he wants. Absolutely. Inheritance passed down to children is a gift, not a right, where I live. No one is entitled to inheritance. It is a choice for every individual to pass the wealth that they created to whomever they wish. They could leave it all to charity if they want. My spouse could choose that if he wanted to. No one is entitled to someone else’s money. It’s up to you to make the life you want and if you are gifted inheritance that’s a bonus. Counting on someone else’s money is a one way ticket to resentment and problems.

LOL - you seem very emphatic in your previous post that your DH should leave his ££ to YOU, though!

Even though you have had even more of a lifetime than his kids (unless you are much younger than him) to create your own wealth.

Yes. I’m his partner. The one he shares his life with, who makes his well being a priority, every day. His adult kids just show up for a hand out now and then. If he gets sick or something happens I’ll be taking care of him, not his kids. I have supported him and helped him build the assets that he now has. We are both business owners. His kids have already been financially supported well into their adult years. They are extremely privileged and have every ability to create the life they want for themselves. Aside from that, where I live it is most common for everything to be passed to your spouse and then the next generation.

Your situation sounds very different to mine.