Preparing for old age?

[herewegoagainy]

I read many people frustrated that their elderly parents have done nothing to prepare for old age. So realistically what can people do ahead of time? I say being realistic as no one is going to clear the garage or attic that is full of sports equipment they are still using, or put in a stairlift when they are still going hill walking.

Good god what a depressing post. I am well aware we lose muscle mass actually every year from the age of 30. So do something to counter that! Rather than accept an inevitable decline. I am honestly stronger at 47 than I have ever been - I can lift heavier weights. To be fair my body doesn’t look as toned - I do feel it’s a constant fight but I’m here for the fight.

I do sprints as that helps with muscle strength. I do a lot of mobility work.

I have had cancer so I’m well aware illness can strike anyone at any time. I was also told that exercising 4 times a week was for me as effective as Tamoxifen (I also took the tamoxifen).

Not naive, I know anyone can develop heart disease, MS, cancer at any time. But doesn’t mean you need to sit there and accept an inevitable decline. We can stack some odds in our favour. Of course we are all going to die and get older. I’d like to do it enjoying all the activities I like until I can’t any more. And I hope that’s in my 90s rather than 70s. And if that makes me naive then actually I don’t care, far better to have a positive attitude than what has been posted above.

@Delatron it’s not meant to be depressing, it’s factual. We are not meant to live forever and our body deteriorates whether we like it or not (I certainly don’t!)

@Delatron you are still young. Most people at your age even without lots of exercise are not feeling the impact of ageing.

If course it declines. But we can see it declines at different rates in different people depending on how active and mobile and strong they are. (Notwithstanding random illness).

I know 70 year olds that are fitter and stronger than some 40 year olds. We don’t need to accept being frail and immobile. If we are lucky enough not to succumb to other illnesses.

No one should be immobile unless they are paralysed. You have to keep moving.

I’m not claiming to be old. I’m saying you need to stay active and fit and strong throughout 40s/50s/60s/70s rather than do less exercise you need to do more (of the right sort). I barely exercised in my 20s as I assumed I didn’t need to…

The exercise I do now is tailored towards being strong for later life rather than purely aesthetics..

One thing people haven't mentioned is nice purpose built modern apartments - with a nice patio or a good balcony and ideally a lift they can work really well as often near to good facilities. They don't have to be over55 developments either. Yes you may get a bit of noise but the upsides are there too. Also would mean in a lot of cases a good declutter earlier on.

Exercise is good. But I think sometimes pushing the idea that everyone needs to do weights alienates those who most need to do a bit more. We all need to stay active I agree. And that works well if we can build it into our daily routines. Whether that is a bit of gardening, a daily walk, swimming regularly, dancing. Something that will continue for many years.

@Crikeyalmighty the one negative of apartments is there is often nowhere to store a mobility scooter.

@Delatron I felt invincible at your age so I understand your view point. I went to the gym/swimming/walking several times a week for over 20 years. I have never smoked,don’t eat meat, rarely drink and my BMI has always been 18-19.
In March 2020 (in my late 50s)I caught covid and it attacked my lungs, kidneys and jejunum. I suspect I caught it in the gym as someone I saw regularly in there died of it in April 2020. I wasn’t socialising at the time as had, and still have, elderly parents. I was subsequently diagnosed with cancer in 2022 and I’m very fatigued. I still eat a healthy diet and do yoga regularly and weights at home however, I cannot regain my former fitness through no fault of mine. I also have very little time to go to the gym as I’m a carer for my parents who although have drunk like fish, eaten unhealthy diets and didn’t exercise, are still alive in their 90s. I don’t begrudge caring for my parents as I love them dearly but maybe you can understand my take on things. I’m not negative, I’m pretty cheerful considering , but I can see I’ve been given the duff health card whilst my parents are doing pretty well despite their lifestyle choices - although they have never been overweight.

@herewegoagainy you ideally need one then with a garage- mind you my FIL is 84, drives and doesn't have a mobility scooter and walks 2 miles a day ideally

Yes I’ve said in every post I’ve written that illness can strike and that can affect our ability to exercise and be healthy in to old age.

@MyHuckleberryFriends I’m sorry you’ve had such a tough time. Of course finding time for any exercise isn’t a given with parents to look after.

I had cancer so I do not feel invincible in any way. I’m just going to carry on doing my weights and running and hope for the best.

My role model is my late grandmother. She did regular yoga and swim sessions as well as walking into her nineties and said it really helped. She knew she wouldn't live forever, obviously, but she recovered from cancer and a broken leg far quicker than many her age do and I really think being active helped her mentally too.

@Crikeyalmighty someone that fit at 84 will probably live a very long time, but may need one when older.
Mobility scooters just help to preserve independence. Not everyone will need one. Some people go downhill incredibly quickly before they die from walking fine to dying within a month or less. But mobility scooters are great for those who have a long slow decline.
I could get a scooter in our current porch if we had a small ramp fitted. And I have seen people keep them in conservatories if access to the back of the house is good. But of course a garage is ideal.
I know most of us can't afford our absolute ideal though.

@Delatron it’s horrible to be judged and blamed for your health issues. In my 40s up until I was 58 I felt amazing. I thought I could minimise the ageing effect by my healthy lifestyle. Sadly I was wrong. Walk a mile in my shoes and you’d understand

I have lived in a flat for the past 25 years and I noticed the difference regarding my ability to run up and down stairs. I now try and always take them even when I feel lazy.

If course it declines. But we can see it declines at different rates in different people depending on how active and mobile and strong they are. Surely socio economic factors influences the above as opposed to just how active someone is?

@Delatron sorry cross posted. Thank you for your good wishes. You are entirely right carrying on doing what you’re doing

Yes money is the biggest predictor of how long you live.

@shielder yes, good point re socio economic factors. I was fortunate enough to afford gym membership and classes. Of course some will argue walking is free but if you have no money you can feel depressed and lack motivation. Also making time for yourself is hard when you’re a parent and work full time.
In my case money isn’t a factor but I have no time as I’m constantly fielding off potential problems with my elderly parents. They take up hours of my day (physical care and admin) as I have no siblings and it’s difficult getting them to accept and actually recruit reliable careers. I could have never have predicted when I was in my 40s that I would be in poorer health than my unfit parents

Indeed but the rate of that decline is significantly (not entirely) within the sphere of our influence via lifestyle factors. I don't think anyone is denying that unfortunate life events can affect anyone; that could be cancer, arthritis or a myriad of other disorders. What is abundantly clear though is that the joint, metabolic and cardiac conditions that cause much early death and reduce quality of life are all positive impacted by diet and exercise.
Of course we will all die eventually and we can't 'healthily live' our way out of some things but on a population level, the numbers are very clear that we have a good chance of shifting the dial in our favour.
Alongside this, we should definitely steer clear of opinions that err towards victim blaming. It is also worth noting that our health and genes are impacted by environmental factors from conception (and before!). Promoting and supporting good health and mental wellbeing amongst the young is also so important to support our younger lived ones live better and for longer.

I think this is the reason for some conflict on this thread. If you become ill you feel judged, especially by comments that suggest if only you had exercised this wouldn't have happened.
I was as fit as a flea until mid 50s, probably helped by having DC later in life. Then Rheumatoid arthritis crept in. I made extra efforts to come to terms with it and keep as fit as possible. Then a heart arrythmia. Then a lung condition. Again I learned to manage it though covid nearly killed me because of it. Then breast cancer. Then degenerative spine disease.
In spite of all these and the many drugs I have to take I try to stay fit. I walk miles, do pilates and dance classes. So I feel judged when someone suggests I could have avoided all this crap.

Another poster mentioned an exit strategy. When I got cancer I thought about this a lot and suspect many others do.

I mentioned a gardener and cleaner. I have a huge garden, in order to future proof it I have had help in making it much lower maintenance. My back prevents me from doing some jobs but I pay someone to do them. The cleaner comes occasionally but can step up more if the need arises. I don't sit drinking tea watching anyone else do what I could do myself.

I play sport at a very amateur level, but not having a cleaner or gardener makes me be a bit more active on non sport days than I otherwise would be

My mum was a SAHM and got no formal exercise but she walked everywhere (dad needed the car for work). Housework was more taxing than now and we had a large garden, grew vegetables etc. All of which she took care of. I do think the positive effects of every day chores and things like just walking to the shops, is underestimated. She's still relatively fit and active at close to 80 now. And she was a heavy smoker for around 40 years (gave up at 60ish) and has a pretty poor diet. So there are things she did "wrong".

I'm the same as you in that I also choose to do my own cleaning, gardening etc. I could afford to pay for help but I have the time and I think it's good for me. I also don't drive so I have to walk to at least the bus stop or tube station to get anywhere! Appreciate that's not so practical in some other parts of the country.

Have a read though this thread to see what other posters are suggesting . A lot of the hints about paperwork and decluttering are from posters who have had to navigate their own parents getting older or dying without having made appropriate provision . The older generations in your family may have cared for their elders but it's not really fair to expect this from your own children, especially as you have no idea what your health or care needs may be as you age .

I agree with you there . I know of a few families where the older generation (70+) are amazing - they just keep on 'keeping on' doing their own gardening, minding great grandchildren, walking up hills etc . The middle generation (50+) are of average health but often worn down with work - but the younger generation (20s/30s) are quite severely overweight, get out of puff easily, never exercise and seem to live on take outs .