Preparing for old age?

[herewegoagainy]

I read many people frustrated that their elderly parents have done nothing to prepare for old age. So realistically what can people do ahead of time? I say being realistic as no one is going to clear the garage or attic that is full of sports equipment they are still using, or put in a stairlift when they are still going hill walking.

I think keeping fit and healthy is very important. I wouldn’t expect to be having trouble with stairs in my 70s - nobody needs to if they keep strong.

Rubbish, I know people who were very fit & still needed knee/hip replacements before 70. It’s a bit like saying being healthy will stop you getting cancer, plenty of healthy people get ill.

Moved to a place with good access to hospitals and good public transport
yep

Reduce stress

People frustrated with elderly relatives are generally clueless people who assumed their parents would have a certain nest egg ready for them/ would divide their assets a different way. I think most people will get to elderly age and realise their parents did as well as they could have (but nice thread, I like some of the sentiments x )

The best things you can do (and I come from the point of view of seeing people struggling at work) are to write a will and appoint powers of attorney for finance and health, to ensure you can take care of the place you live easily so not too big, and think about whether your house can be adapted for single story living or suitable for a stairlift. Also can you manage without a car from where you live. Moving in your 60's is far better than having to move 15 years later when you are struggling

Squats so you can get on and off the toilet and up and down from a chair!

@stayathomer I think it is split between people who do not understand that their elderly parents have done their best, and people with parents like the poster who says no one should be struggling with stairs in their seventies.
A friend organises care packages for people with dementia and says there are a lot of couples who have retired to remote villages and areas without any understanding that getting a cleaner can be very hard, never mind a decent care package when the time comes. And when they can no longer drive they can't get anywhere.
And so many people on MN seem to think they will live to a 100 when the median age for women dying is 85 years old, usually with care needs even if low for at least a few years beforehand.

I disagree @stayathomer - I'm a frustrated daughter, because my elderly parent has done very little future-proofing & has the typical generational beliefs that daughters will live/move nearby & care for them.

So she's rattling about in a big house that she can't cope with maintaining, heelr driving is deteriorating, she can't manage her finances, her mobility is poor so she can't walk to shops etc & is becoming increasingly dependant despite having more than enough money to pay for things.

It's not necessarily about expectations for inheriting.

@MadamVastra and not to get help with doing so too soon. Thta can decrease mobility further.

I'm 59, and was born with a disability so a bit different but after divorce, I bought a small ground floor flat, had a wet room installed and slightly adapted my kitchen.
It's tucked away close to town centre for shopping public transport etc
I am about to write my will and Advanced directive
I have a funeral plan for simple cremation and told my sons where I would like my ashes( off a cliff!)
I have reluctantly embraced mobility aids to keep my quality of live
I have a pedal exerciser to try and maintain muscle strength and flexibility

My DH had a hip replacement at 47. He can certainly go up and down stairs. He’s currently skiing…I had cancer at 35..I’m stronger than ever at 47..

Im just saying there’s lots we can do to stop the demise. Most people don’t do enough exercise and definitely not enough strength work..

People run marathons at 80 - our perceptions need to change..

I run 2-25 miles a week, so I'm fit. But I am aware that a broken leg or other injury could mean that my stairs become inaccessible for me. They are very steep and narrow - too narrow for a stairlift to be viable. Hence the preparation for single floor living if necessary.

Would that I had 'investments' to worry about! But some other useful tips on here.

20-25 miles a week. Running 2 miles a week would hardly qualify me as fit...

If you are married, like me, you might have issues getting your spouse to co-operate. Mine is a hoarder, he's not in good health and nearly10 years older than me so I think I'm going to be the one sorting out the loft, bedroom, office, dining room, double garage, large shed and large lock up. All packed with "stuff" and the thought really depresses me. I feel like I will need to hire some large skips but the reality is some of it is fairly valuable so not sure I can just throw away £20 or £30k.

I am using my parents as role models on how not to prepare for old age. Still living in the family house with a steep staircase and clutter everywhere.
Everything is on a hill - even the garage is up a flight of steps. My dad has very low mobility and is always at danger of falling on the many rugs with curled-up edges they have everywhere. There is no downstairs toilet but they have reluctantly had a staitlift installed after my dad started sleeping in the chair downstairs so he didn't have to tackle the stairs.
Their house is in a hamlet on a hill in the middle of nowhere. The nearest shop is 3 miles away with a very occasional bus there.
By contrast, my pil live in a bungalow in a very busy village with lots of shops, a good bus service and a train station.
I remember trying to persuade my parents about 15 years ago (they are 86 now) to consider moving to somewhere more suitable but they were having none if it. I suppose they thought they were invincible.
Giving up their car was a huge deal and they're now pretty isolated.
Luckily they can afford a gardener and a cleaner, but I am not convinced there is much cleaning done as everywhere is so cluttered and my.mum saves 'jobs' such as cleaning glasses etc, meaning the general weekly cleaning is hit and miss.

@Delatron a hip replacement at 47 is very young indeed, and I would expect recovery to be far better than in someone older.
Most 80 year olds are not running marathons. Most women are dead by 85 years old.
You have to try and stay active, but you also have to be realistic. The elderly parents board is full of adult children whose parents were hill walking one minute, and then had a stroke - and have a living situation that is a nightmare for someone who has had a stroke.
Both sides of our family the older generation have all died. And you see how quickly things can change for some people. My father was up a ladder cutting his hedge two weeks before he died. But if he had pulled through he would have struggled to walk.

Yes keeping fit helps but even fit people can have accidents, falls, strokes ... and recovery is slower when older. I've seen so many people struggling because they thought they had time.

I wasn't even 50 when we bought this house but it is stairlift compatible, near to shops, drs, bus stop etc. It is future proofed

In Ireland you can gift your children €3k each pa without it impacting inheritance. I would set up accounts for children and begin doing this (obviously once the funds are there to do it).
If children die and grandchildren stand to inherit, if they live overseas this will impact tax. (Again Irish law).

Continue paying private health insurance above all else.

After a lifetime of villages, we retired (55 & 57) and moved to (the outskirts of) a market town which has a small hospital but excellent transport links to the major hospital.
Wills updated (were done several years ago but we wanted to tweek them). No LPOA but will sort this soon.
Moved to a bigger house but it has lots of space, wide doorways, lower switches & higher sockets, large bedrooms with accessible bathrooms, will take a stair lift or (our preference) a lift.
When we moved we had a good clear out and although we still have lots of "stuff", we have made a point of putting NOTHING in the loft.

Is it a flat? I've not heard that before.

I won't do a LPA for care. I've had the LPA for an elderly relative with advanced dementia, the last ten years have been hideous with me being blamed for her needing to go into a home, phoned at all hours, asked to make life or death decisions. I won't inflict that on my kids. I'll let the doctors make the decisions.

The way my house is laid out, there's only 6 stairs from the living room and kitchen to the bathroom and a bedroom. (Rest of the bedrooms on the floor above). So that could be an option for me if I'm struggling. Worst case scenario, the living room is big enough to use as a bedroom and have a little en suite added.

I don't have cupboards or drawers full of stuff. I do have a lot of things on display but at what point would/should I get rid of those? I wouldn't want to do that and then live another 20 years with empty shelves!

I've already made a will and told DC I want a direct cremation. It's cheap and easy! Probably the one thing I should get round to is making a list of things like my bank accounts, utility companies etc.

I think the best thing you can do is declutter and let people know if there is anything worth keeping, better still give the things you value away before you get too old.

Wills and LPAs are a no brainer
Keep up strength excercises
assess the house for slip and trip hazards, make sure enough handrails on stairs etc, make the bathroom elderly friendly - decent shower, lever taps etc. Think about having a quooker type tap in kitchen rather than kettle, make sure everything is a suitable height e.g. ovens and fridges etc. DOwnsize when kids leave home, keep up with maintenance and try and make things maintenance free. Address the garden and reduce work there if you can.

Get rid of clutter - helps for access as well as just space takers

• Make a will.
• Downsize/move to a property that will be suitable if your mobility needs change. Huge, rambling houses with big gardens may be fine when you're young, but they're not great when you get old.
• Get a property with a manageable garden.
• Future proof your health as much as possible. Yes, anyone can get cancer or have a heart attack, but if you're a healthy weight and keep active you're more likely to have a healthy old age. Some stuff is luck, some is self-control.

LPA can be so that Dr make decisions with regard to care even that is helpful as opposed to not having one

we have a firesafe with key docs in - still sorting but principle is that all in one place including key account no etc for all insurances, savings, current accounts and utilities etc