Preparing for old age?

[herewegoagainy]

I read many people frustrated that their elderly parents have done nothing to prepare for old age. So realistically what can people do ahead of time? I say being realistic as no one is going to clear the garage or attic that is full of sports equipment they are still using, or put in a stairlift when they are still going hill walking.

I grew up in a bungalow and my parents moved to a house later. My DM can still manage stairs ok at 84.

We moved to our current house when I was early 50s and husband late 50s. We made the conscious decision to not put anything in the attic knowing that by the time we come to sell we may be less mobile. So our garage may be still full of clutter but at least our attic isn’t.

We plan to downsize in our early 70s and at that point will buy a bungalow if we can find a decent one or at the very least a house with a downstairs loo & shower and a room suitable for a bedroom if necessary.

For our next purchase we will also make sure we buy somewhere not on a hill like our current house and easy walking distance to a few shops in case we end up not being able to drive at some point.

We have a family friend who is a GP. She hates bungalows!! Climbing stairs, even once or twice a year, is so important for maintaining mobility, muscle strength and cardiac health. She was passionate about this when DM (70s) moved a couple of years ago.

My parents have left a nest egg and I wish they hadn't .I wish they had lived their lives a little more to the full and had eaten that cake when they had the chance.Instead they stashed away very penny possible , sat in the cold in winter and complained constantly about there being no money .So we siblings paid for their holidays , days out and meals out over the years .Always made sure that they got special luxury presents at Christmas and birthdays .We basically paid for any fun they ever had .We could have done with a helping hand financially along the way but never got a cent from our parents .We managed .Now we are all comfortably off after working hard all our lives , our kids are grown up and doing well.Now our parents are both incapacitated in different ways and my father is on palliative care at home cared for by us on rotation , I had a POA arranged a few years ago and we have found huge sums of money in different bank accounts.

This has upset me so much , to think they scrimped and scraped all those years and now I know we will probably only use it to make sure my mum is well cared for going forward with her recent dementia diagnosis . She could have enjoyed her life a little more and that would make the days facing us now less sad knowing they had had a comfortable and fulfilled life.

My advice would also be to keep yourself moving every day no matter how little .Keep your strength up .My father refused to do this and ignored all our pleas .He has had a very difficult past few years and has been confined to the house and now his bed .
Declutter
Get your bathroom age proofed with a walk in shower .My parents didn't. Its too late now
Don't expect your children to care for you .It is a very big ask and not sustainable for more than a few months .I have so many friends whose relationship with their siblings has crumbled with the pressure of looking after aging parents when it stretches over years .I see it now with my own siblings how difficult it is not to argue and fall out and it is not an easy job.

Great idea for a thread. I've told my family that if I get to the point where I can't live at home safely/without significant oversight from them, I want to go into a home. I've seen what caring does to people and whilst it's done with love, it runs them into the ground.

try and live on a bus route
do a clear out

I've seriously started to exercise now I'm in my 40's. I have t joined the gym but I exercise everyday at home for 25 mins. I do it everyday without fail and my main motivation is to be strong for old age.

I do 15 mins hulahooping and 40 squats and 20 half push ups. I also ensure I can touch my toes and can get up from the floor without using any hands to push me up.

Changing the focus from wanted to be fit and gorgeous and slim to wanting to live a better more active life and be strong in old age is a much better motivation for me.

You sound so strong and calm. I wish you well.

@caringcarer a letter is very important. When I was a young single mother I regularly wrote letters incase anything happened to me and my little one would never remember me.

How lovely he must've been to do that. Make sure you get copies when you feel up to it and keep them separately incase anything happens to them.

Walking up stairs once or twice a year isn’t going to make any difference whatsoever to a person’s mobility.

Bungalows aren’t responsible for worsening health in old age. People live in apartments which are all on one level - no-one equates them with deteriorating health.

your GP friend’s hatred of bungalows makes no sense as one of the most serious issues for the elderly is falls. Why put someone at increased risk of falling down a flight of stairs?

I’m presuming this was meant to be once or twice a day.
My MIL lives in an apartment. But it’s on the first floor with no lift. Many of the shorter blocks of apartments don’t have lifts, remember.

Bungalow legs are a thing, anecdotally.

eg https://silvermagazine.co.uk/bungalow-legs-will-you-sacrifice-your-fitness-if-you-dont-have-stairs

I’d argue that one of the most serious issues for the elderly is frailty, which is partly caused by lack of physical activity.

You're right that frailty is an issue for the elderly which is why there are so many falls. Falls in the elderly tend to be serious.

I would say that it is better to have a home on one level so as not to run the risk of very serious falls on the stairs and to exercise to strengthen bones and muscles.

The link to the article does say that living with stairs can damage physical health. I don't think she mentions age per se but I think the conditions listed would be applicable to the elderly.

'These include conditions that affect your muscular or skeletal system, cardiovascular system, or neurological system, all of which can make stairs a challenge.
“This might be because taking the stairs causes you pain. Or because it wears you out physically and you’re unable to complete other tasks. Perhaps because you find balancing on the stairs hard, and are worried it might cause a fall,”

I think we’ll need to agree to disagree.

sorestupid.

Of course it won't stop illness but staying fit, building muscle and being active can all act as preventatives to some illnesses and help be comfortable in our bodies in older age. If diet and exercise will reduce your chances by 25% of getting some cancers its worth while doing for a better chance. At the same time it will also help prevent strokes and cardiovascular disease.

Clinical trials are hard to do on physical activity as many people who do physical activities also have do other healthy lifestyle behaviours and visa versa.

what we don't want in old age is to be sitting in a chair not being able to live as our bodies are falling apart from diseases that were preventable through diet and exercise

@MikeRafone Again Im not sure what you are reading? I said plenty of healthy people get ill. I didn’t say sit in a chair & stuff your face because healthy people get ill. What are you struggling to comprehend?

Thinking of trying to further insulate our 20 year old house so it stays cosy for the years ahead. Anyone done this?

It is the fact you said "nobody" that makes your statement ridiculous.
Tell that to my friend who had a stroke at 59, completely out of the blue.

Obviously somethings will make your chances of a healthy old age better or worse, smoking 60 a day is going to increase your chances of COPD, being a healthy weight is going to reduce damage to joints.

The thing I don't agree with is "I wouldn’t expect to be having trouble with stairs in my 70s - nobody needs to if they keep strong." To say nobody needs to have trouble with stairs if they keep strong just isn't true. Top athletes can get struck down with a myriad of conditions that will prove that wrong and yet they have lived healthy lives and kept strong until cancer/MND/Parkinsons hit them. So it is fair enough to say staying strong is going to increase your chances of having no issue with stairs in your 70s but it is wrong to say nobody will have problems if they keep strong. It sounds horribly like victim blaming to me.

Sorry, I think I was typing my reply when yours went up, I've just repeated you in a more long winded way!

I'm 65.. had my home already adapted due to my disabilities.
I've paid for my funeral so all my kids need to do is phone a number.
I've left instructions and money to have my house cleared.. after they have taken their memory boxes etc.
I was devastated after my Mum's death...and l know my daughters will go to pieces we are so close.. so l don't want any more pressure.
Luckily there is plenty of money for them too.. whenever they need it.
With my 2 mil compensation.

That is why I wrote "me" all through my post. I'm not saying what it's like for others. I'm saying how it would be for me. At no point did I say or imply that anyone else stagnates in a bungalow. Just that I would.

@Iwasafool I agree, a lot of naivety and victim blaming is going on in this thread. If you have a genetic predisposition to cancer then you can munch through as many salads as you like but it’s not going to help much and just make you feel deprived. Trust me, I know.
We can try to hold back the hands of time but the fact is, after the age of 30, we lose 8-10% of muscle mass per decade. Our cells start to change in structure . Some cells in our bodies are not replaced so our internal organs ( brain, heart, lungs, kidneys, liver to name a few) start to deteriorate with normal aging. The skeleton, the framework of our body, degenerates with loss of density and the wearing away of cartilage in our joints leads to joint stiffness and pain. Our intervertebral discs become thinner leading to altered posture, disc height, spinal flexibility with collapse and compression within the spine. Weaker muscles and bones often cause people to be more prone to accidents and falls as the entire scaffolding of our body ages. Falls can often mean prolonged hospital stays which increases overall frailty.
You can try and live a healthy life but you cannot stop your body slowly dying as that is what it is programmed to do. You also cannot alter your genetic makeup. People like to feel they’re in control but sadly we are not

I think functional exercise is important. What I mean by that is the moving that we have to do every day just to live our lives. Because as you get older and get illnesses that mean things like going to the gym or playing sport are no longer attractive, then the moving you do to just live becomes crucial.

So I won't get a cleaner or gardener until I can physically no longer do these things. My father was pretty lazy, but he was still mowing the lawn and cutting the hedge which did help his ability to move okay.

I also think accepting help when you need it is important. I have known people who have had falls because they refused to accept help or spend money paying a gardener when they were no longer safe to do something. So it is being aware of your limitations. And from what I have seen it is people who were very capable and fit when younger who can struggle most with accepting this.

It's a tightrope then isn't it @herewegoagainy ? Keep going, keep doing stuff.. but don't keep doing it past your sell by date! i do think that's the hardest thing.

As for all the other advice in this thread - move move, eat well, organise your life - they're all things all ages ought to be doing. What I find frightening is that there are so many young people who are far less physically able than me (aged 58). They, and we are storing up all kinds of problems!