Preparing for old age?

[herewegoagainy]

I read many people frustrated that their elderly parents have done nothing to prepare for old age. So realistically what can people do ahead of time? I say being realistic as no one is going to clear the garage or attic that is full of sports equipment they are still using, or put in a stairlift when they are still going hill walking.

Some unlucky healthy people do get cancer, but you can optimise your own health.

So many of my friends in their late 40’s and 50’s just don’t look after themselves. They eat crap, don’t exercise and are always sick or injured. That doesn’t bode well for 50’s and 60’s, let alone 70’s/80’s.

Cancer may get anyone, but also some of that is lifestyle and stress. There are many illnesses that you can avoid if you are fit and healthy, such as diabetes type 2, some heart conditions. You are a long time old. Better to spend those years with a spring in your step.

WRT other things. One thing I don’t want to do is burden my DC with a mess. So, as I get older I’ll get rid of junk. I’ll leave instructions and info in a file for them. I want to make my passing easier for them. I’ll make sure they know what to do when DH and I die. Even though I’m very glad they are still around, my elderly parents hoard stuff and have 4 bedrooms crammed with crap. I won’t leave my DC with a project like that.

@ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea

An LPA I think can be done anytime and remains inactive until needed

It means it's in place in event of an accident as well as general age deterioration

Not that I've done one however!

Realistically there's not much you can do to avoid being hit by a serious illness or disability. My super fit uncle who led a textbook healthy life, got lung cancer at 65 (never smoked). It was discovered when he had some sort of scan following an accident while cycling! I don't know all the specifics but he had part of his lung removed and it's really impacted his quality of life. He and my aunt can't do any of the things they had planned for their retirement. It's really sad.

I would say that everyone should sort out things like Wills and LPAs as soon as they have a partner/kids or buy a house. Sadly they are not just needed by the elderly.

Having dealt with the unexpected death of MIL a few years ago, I’d say make sure you have notes on funeral preferences somewhere that can be easily found. Just the basics like burial or cremation, church or non-religious service make a huge difference.

Move/live/convert so you have a downstairs loo and downstairs sleeping area.

@ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea Martin Lewis advocates for everyone getting an LPA at whatever age. Accidents can happen at any stage of life.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/power-of-attorney/

I have some friends in their mid-60's who recently decluttered their entire home and got rid of so much junk they'd accumulated throughout their 40 year marriage, so that their kids won't have to deal with it when they pass away.

I thought that was extremely considerate.

I'm sorry to hear about your uncle. I have a friend who was a marathon runner who now has cancer in their 30's, it's terrible.

Having said that, I strongly disagree that there's not much you can do.

You can never reduce the chance to zero, but you can reduce it substantially by having a healthy and active lifestyle.

I known what you mean ! But I think a lot of posters have struggled with their own parents who didn't make appropriate provision for their old age and hence made things harder on their DC - hence trying to make sure they don't pass the same difficulties on to their own DC.

The thread was titled preparing for old age - so I suppose this could also be about maximising your pension so you aren't on the breadline in retirement or having to work later than planned .

Swedish Death cleaning. I'm almost 50 and doing mine now, I don't want my son to have to deal with it one day.

Get fit, functional exercise so you can use stairs and get out of chairs alone.

As you can work out by my name I am 80 and I am a widow. I am caring for our 3 adopted “children “ who have Down Syndrome. My will is done, funeral sorted and declutter on a regular basis . Future for my 3 sorted, my birth children will have little to do.

My mum has done this too

We have just done LPA forms and are looking to downsize. I am just turning 60. We want to travel and enjoy life and not be tied to maintaining a huge old house just for the odd day when the kids come home.

You sound amazing @mumof2many1943

And by the time they reach their mid 80s they may well have accumulated a ton more stuff ! Thinking of my mother's wardrobes.

I am constantly decluttering with the next generation in mind. Over lockdown we emptied our loft of accumulated crap, and divided children's art work and school reports into two neat but huge folders. They can each keep or Chuck as they see fit.
Wills are done, with sensible guidance in letters of wishes, and equal treatment.
Me and DH are 58 and 62 respectively and fitter than many people 20 years younger so we're damned if we're moving into a bungalow yet! Indeed we have a 31 year old niece who would struggle with half the stuff we do! We have a72 year old neighbour who is wiry and fit as a flea and cycles down to the sea every day for a swim. Ditto - why should he move into a bungalow? I think stairs are one of the things keeping us fit.
We do resistance training, and keep nimble and work in balance through tennis and other activities. And we eat healthily and drink sparingly. We work and play relatively hard, and work in friendships because that is vital as you age.
We have powers of attorney sorted - this is something people of all ages ought to do.

But yeah - everyone should do the things I've listed - whatever their age. Trouble is there are a lot of super unfit and inactive 30 and 40 year olds who will be old before their time.

I wish my DM had future-proofed. She's nearly 82, a hoarder, living in a two bedroom cottage with no downstairs bathroom and she's already had two falls in the last six months. It's a constant worry for me and I feel helpless. Social services have done what they can, but the next step is getting private carers in I think.

Nope.

Not ready yet but I'm in a 3 bed council property with a large garden in a rural village. I'm considering - once all my children are grown and moved out - to find a two bed in town with a smaller garden so that I'm not reliant on driving etc in later years.

@sorestupid

why do you think diet and exercise don't play a part in warding off some types of cancer?

At a minimum make sure adult children have removed all their stuff and then declutter a little as you go. My Dad refuses to let anyone remove anything, even ridiculous stuff like a tennis racket from 1980s that's broken or a 'Guide to Windows 95' book. After many battles we have accepted a horrendous job when he passes away and the house continually falling apart a and depreciating because he refuses to pay any tradespeople. It's such a shame, he would be so much happier in a smaller warmer home but it will never happen now. If he can't go upstairs I honestly don't know what we will do as there isn't a proper downstairs bathroom and he refuses to get one put in.

Pelvic floor exercises. You don't want to be traipsing to the toilet in the night and risk falling or having to drink less so you don't have to pee so much, then developing a UTI / kidney infection.

Death Folder with all financial stuff in.

Join Pegasus.

Thank you shinyapple No bank passwords in the drawer, just email etc

I'm not really convinced about direct cremations, in as much as they wouldn't work for me personally.

I'm worried that although they seem easier and cheaper, they also mean the family miss out on an important part of the grieving process. I personally find rituals and traditions comforting at times of loss. You know what is 'expected' with a traditional funeral. I wouldn't personally want the worry of deciding what other way to say goodbye was appropriate.

But I do appreciate other people feel differently. I'd hate if if one of my close relatives decided this is what they wanted.