Preparing for old age?

[herewegoagainy]

I read many people frustrated that their elderly parents have done nothing to prepare for old age. So realistically what can people do ahead of time? I say being realistic as no one is going to clear the garage or attic that is full of sports equipment they are still using, or put in a stairlift when they are still going hill walking.

Will - have a copy and details of the solicitor.
power of attorney
consolidate all money into one account
pay for a funeral plan
write down funeral wishes
write down numbers for who they want to be informed of death
passwords for any social media/email accounts/computer and phone passcodes
clearly write all bills, pensions etc with numbers to call and all details. Keep that updated.

My dad did that - he had a dedicated “death box” and it made it all so much easier, when he went into a home with dementia and then again when he died.

Down size,clear stuff when you can do it yourself don’t leave it until you have to do it because of a disaster. Paper work sorted,wills and LPA.Live somewhere with facilities and hopefully public transport.

My mum who is eminently sensible started planning last year, when she was 68. So far she has moved into a bungalow that is near shops with a flat walk & flat garden.
She has written her will and made myself and sibling joint executors. We have both seen the will and it is split evenly.
Has also signed power of attorney should it be needed.
I hope that we will of do the same around the same age for our children.

Please do not write down your bank passwords anywhere

We are approaching 70. I know so many people (mostly older than us) whose lives have been made infinitely more difficult due to no downstairs facilities. A sudden illness (eg stroke/fall/ overnight deterioration in an ongoing condition) means a hospital style bed in the lounge and the OH sleeping on the sofa. Stair lifts are all well and good but they take forever to travel up (no good for my elderly friend with continence issues, who now needs a commode in the lounge) At the very least a downstairs loo, and a walk-in shower either up or down. And get rid of as much stuff as possible including clearing out the loft. If you need to move house do it while you still have the energy (mental as well as physical)

As well as staying active, keep your mind “exercised” with puzzles, challenges and learning new things. Keep up with technology as far as possible.

Write down all important info about the house and finances and give it to someone you trust (my eldest son in my case) A will and an LPA.

I love the idea of writing a letter to each DC, going to do that.

My dad recorded dvds to be watched after his death. one for me, one for my children.

He died 3 weeks ago, none of us can face watching them yet, but we will do.

We downsized to a lovely bungalow 2 years ago (we are 50ish) didn't want to wait until we're late 60s/70s as bungalow prices are bonkers around our area and most need refurbs, so we've done it early. We love it, countryside views, had lovely bifolds put in. Suits us now, but equally will serve us well as we age.

If people in their 50s move into bungalows, they will become even more rare/expensive for the 80yos who need one (or the 20/30yo disabled people).

I can see why people want to, but it does produce a conundrum.

I follow ageingdisgracefully_ on Insta for inspiration.

Thinking about how to move from my Georgian terrace upper flat with beloved garden to a more accessible home. 🙁

And get rid of as much stuff as possible including clearing out the loft.

I'm dreading clearing my DM's house when she dies. It's stuffed to the gunnels - every cupboard, wardrobe and drawer absolutely full, the loft is full of boxes. She goes to the market every week and buys more and more odd plates and ornaments. It drives me round the bend. Her DM, my granny, was great in old age - she had a huge clear-out. My DF is much better, but his second wife is a nightmare - mind you she has three DC of her own so at least her crap won't be my problem!

We don’t have masses of clutter, but I’ve made it clear to dds that there’s a list of anything valuable, and apart from those, or anything else they may want, just FGS get a house clearance firm in.

Dh and I have cleared a couple of relatives’ homes, and it’s a major PITA.

As for other matters, I never want dds to have to act as carers - there should be enough cash to pay for care, if needed. And dh and I both have an addition to our Health and Welfare powers of attorney, to state that if we should develop dementia, or any other condition where we are unable both to care for ourselves, and speak - with full mental capacity - for ourselves, then we emphatically do not want any life-saving or life-prolonging treatment. Palliative care only, thank you.

Great idea for a thread OP!
Dh and I are mid 50s we’ve done our wills and LPAs, we did those last year when Dh needed a brain operation. He’s living with a brain tumour which although seems to be benign, will almost certainly shorten his life and will impact at some point in his quality of life.
My plan is in 4 years when Ds leaves school we should downsize, preferably to somewhere closer to town and with space for a downstairs shower room. Maybe even a garden flat if we can get one, Dh will insist on a garden. He wants to stay where we are but it’s not really suitable for old age or disability, so I’m going to be very firm about moving.

As someone else said it requires both partners to agree.
I am 65 DH 74, we have wills and LPAs done. DC have copies.
Our investments are complicated but DH has it all on spreadsheets and DC have access. I have a folder with details of income and utility suppliers.
I wanted to move from our village to a market town. Not to downsize but for the amenities. Property values are low here and our house (barn conversion) could take years to sell. However DH wants to stay and so we have future proofed as much as possible. I have a cleaner and gardener.
As to health, the poster who said no 70 year old could struggle with stairs is blissfully unaware of how illness can strike. I am pretty fit and active, exercise daily and eat healthy, not overweight and yet I still have a long list of health conditions and a history of breast cancer.

We have done the following:
downsized to a bungalow so we don't have to negotiate stairs in old age. Smaller garden, easy to manage. On public transport routes in case we have to give up driving. Near doctor/pharmacy/neighbours/social clubs etc. Cleared out attic for the move. Put PoA in place, written wills. Made a file in filing cabinet with details of bank accounts, lawyers etc. Key safe on front door. Really don't want to be faced with having to deal with all that sort of stuff in the event of a crisis. Now sitting back and enjoying the profits of sale of large house!

Moved to our bungalow 18 years ago, got rid of the bath and installed a wet room. The garden is a nice size and managable, we massively de cluttered when we moved and we've kept 'stuff' to a minimum.
Luckily we are still pretty fit, (we are both 70 this year) with only the usual niggles, we go to the gym 3-4 times a week and I do a weekly Pilates class. We also enjoy ballroom and Latin dancing with a class once a week, plus the dance studio has a social dance at the weekends.
We stayed in the same biggish, village, plenty of shops, pubs, restaurants and coffee shops. A large library and a fabulous community centre that run all sorts of classes, pilates, yoga, fitsteps, tai chai, languages to name a few.
The village has good transport links to a couple of big cities, plus a massive shopping mall.

We have both made a will and POA for financial and health, and also made a 'death list' with our relevant information. All in all I feel we have everything in place, and it's a weight off my mind.

Delatron:

I think keeping fit and healthy is very important. I wouldn’t expect to be having trouble with stairs in my 70s - nobody needs to if they keep strong.

Well, that depends. If you have severe hip arthritis and are on a long NHS waiting list for a hip replacement, you may well have difficulty getting upstairs and in and out of a bath.

Or if you have had a stroke, or more than one stroke, your balance and mobility may well be permanently affected and you may find stairs a challenge.

LPA for both medical and financial is sorted as is the will. Most of the junk has been tipped, the children have taken all the childhood keepsakes they want. Family photos have been put into albums and notes and dates added. Funerals are paid (burn and return) and money left for a family weekend away and a meal after they have scattered our ashes. There is a folder in a drawer with every financial detail they will need, a list of people to contact and passwords for all accounts. We all die at some point so no point in ignoring it.

Clearing my parents home has been a big warning to me in terms of keeping clutter - luckily for me, my DH is a fairly minimalistic person so I just need to keep on top of my own stuff .

We considered the idea of moving to a bungalow a couple of years back when DH had an inheritance but decided a house with stairs was probably healthier as its exercise without thinking. May revisit in around ten years or so but we have a downstairs bathroom and it may be possible to add a small extension if downstairs sleeping was needed. We had also considered moving to somewhere nicer (country, sea) but our current house is very convenient for all amenities. (Plus it means our money remains free for other things)

We would definitely need to replace our bath as it has very high sides . Only had it put in last year - didn't realise until it was put in .

We have a will and DS is aware of our solicitor and where to find our accounts info. This is more about something unexpected happening through. From experience with our parents, LPA is certainly important - but at what age would you do this ? 70s?

Health wise - trying to do more exercise. Also I guess keeping on top of routine health appointments. And I could do with losing a bit of weight .

At the moment we are looking at finances in terms of making sure we will be getting the best from our pensions and inheritance. DH and I have both recently retired but a few years til state pension.

While on the one hand, it might be sensible to say move to a bungalow. Not everyone will become incapable of stairs as they age. I think I would be more lazy in a bungalow! Currently I have no option but to be up and down stairs all day and on some days it's probably the only form of exercise I get! (which yes, I know I need to work on). But I do think I would "stagnate" a bit in a bungalow. I think mentally I would feel I was in "old age" and act accordingly. I don't have a partner so no one to go dancing with! As per a pp. So for me I think I need to keep up my regular life for as long as possible. As the mental impact of accepting I'm close to death would not be motivating for me!

@TheBayLady
I would be very wary of leaving details of your account passwords in a drawer - do you mean bank accounts ? As these will be frozen upon death anyway so your DC/solicitor would just need a list of the accounts numbers .

Stairs are good for you!

My mum phoned me today and informed me that both her & my dad have decided they'd like a direct cremation rather than a traditional funeral. It's a big relief to know that's their wishes (& that they don't want funerals!).
They have also recently updated their Wills and told me where to find a copy.

You're right that we can be hit by genetics or just bad luck. However, there is masses of evidence that we can stack the odds I our favour by doing regular resistance training and cardio along with keeping to a healthy weight with a healthy diet. Maintaining good social contacts is also important. I'm only in my 40s, but I am definitely bearing all of the above in mind to give myself the best shot at a longer and more importantly, healthy life.

sorestupid · Today 14:25

I think keeping fit and healthy is very important. I wouldn’t expect to be having trouble with stairs in my 70s - nobody needs to if they keep strong.

Rubbish, I know people who were very fit & still needed knee/hip replacements before 70. It’s a bit like saying being healthy will stop you getting cancer, plenty of healthy people get ill.

What a narrow-minded attitude. I know of someone very fit and healthy, very into their sport. Dead at 66. How do you prevent that?

Fucking hell. I'm 60 but I'm not ready to prepare for death yet!! I try to keep on top of clutter with varying degrees of success and a few years ago went through everything in the roofspace and labelled up what was kept and put it in plastic boxes, so not too difficult to go through.