Ugly

[Shithole101]

Just that really. People probably know I have been posting about my house . And that's getting there which is great. I can fix that .

But I can't do anything about being Ugley. This is not just me saying it ok truly ugly. I know my children love me. But I should think they are embarrassed by me. I'm embarrassed about myself so they must feel that way to.

I have a mix of white and mousey hair which Is frizzy. I have freckles , my chins cover a good part of my neck. I have frown lines between my eye brows . I frown in my sleep. Most of my teeth are missing. I'm fat . I don't look after myself as I should because I think what's the point. I have not bedn tk the hair dresser in over 10 years . Because I feel like what's the point of nice hair if i have an ugly face.

I forgot what else I was going to say

Oh dear, OP. Your children are not embarrassed of you and there are only ugly personalities not faces and bodies.

However, everything you have mentioned can be changed very easily with time, money and most importantly some self care. Make some time to care for your hair to start with as that is the easiest thing. Botox to fix frowns, see a dentist, start doing some exercise and drink water.

If only . I'm very slowly sorting my teeth that's been taking 3+ years. Everything else is a f#*k up.

There are so many contradictions here. You think your children must be embarrassed by you, but then say what’s the point in looking after yourself. It’s sad that you feel how you do, but at least take care of the things you can change. Look after your hair, get a hair cut. At least try. Otherwise it’s a slippery slope of, “what’s the point in showering, I might as well be smelly as well as ugly”. Have some self respect. Maybe you are ugly. Lots of people are. There’s more to life than that. You have children - how would you feel if one of them said these things?

😔

Your children don't think you're ugly, and I bet no-one else does either! Stop beating yourself up and make the most of what you have. If your hair is frizzy and mousy, put a blonde dye on it to lighten it and get some defrizzer. Go to the dentist about your teeth, start eating healthier/less, to lose some weight, start excercising/walking a bit more to feel fitter and healthier and aid weight loss.

Sounds like you are in a bit of a bad place, but only you can help yourself out of it. Sorry you're feeling blue @Shithole101 I wish you well and am sending (((HUGS))) and good vibes. 😊

It's not that simple /easy

I love the dedication you show in sorting out the house. And I think it can only be a good thing that you're now starting to take stock of yourself and thinking about looking after yourself a bit better.
Glad to hear you're starting with the teeth. Both my older sisters have dentures following years of neglecting their teeth, and both would agree that the physical and emotional boost you get from smiling at yourself in the mirror is mind blowing, after years of smiling with your mouth closed. Not to mention, being open to the full range of foods which might lead to a healthier diet which might lead on to losing a couple of the chins!
The hair - I'm presuming, like me, that there are limits on your budget. Maybe start with a decent all round trim, and start conditioning. I can't decide what I want to do with mine this year so I am just keeping the fringe and ends well trimmed (just a wet cut), using a root touch up on my greys, and conditioning lots. Quite pleased with it.
If you haven't been looking after your skin for some time, then you don't actually know how bad or good it really is. Start moisturising and keep moisturising. Get some Superdrug Vitamin C cleanser and matching moisturiser and see where you are in a month. Just put two minutes a day into it.
And look after your feet!
You'll get there.

With my teeth it's not because of neglect. There's a name for it. But I can't pronounce it no chance of me being able to spell it. I have had years of going to dentist and being judged by dentist who advise that they are great with nerves patients. This world make me back of and not go again for years. It was only when I went private that the dentist explained lots of things to me. And has been non judgemental and understanding. I don't really have the money to be honest . Its taken 3+ years so far to sort my bottom teeth. My top need to be sorted next. So I jabs mafe a start but its taking a long time.

Hair wise there's no way I'm doing that . I'm not going to sit infront of a mirror. Whilst I have a person who has perfect hair, who's very pretty and then ugly me in the mirror . That's the worst thing I can think of.

You're not ugly, OP. And even if you were, that's not the most interesting thing about you (or even in the top fifty). To your children, you are the most wonderful person in the world. Can you try to see yourself through their eyes?

Sending you gentle hugs from afar.

Is it gingivitis? Some cordosyl mouthwash can help with stopping it getting worse while you wait for the dentist.

Re the hair (and I hate the hairdressers too), maybe try a box dye amd deep condition until you feel confident to go. Post lockdown i was scared to go as it looked shit, i worked in it until I felt OK enough to venture in. I still see it as a chore not self care though...

You can do this, baby steps. As said, your kids love you and you would be sad if they felt like this.

Also, you've done great work on your house, you can apply this to you.

Many famous people are deemed ugly by today’s societal standards. They just get on with their lives regardless. I was watching Jimmy Kimmels mean tweets last night on YouTube seriously people are so unkind.

Being ugly is only part of your life. There are lots of varying ugly people out there who are worthy of love, great sex and purpose. I’m one of them.

Live life as best you can with the tools you have available to you.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. You say you frown in your sleep, I watch a youtuber who sleeps with sticker patches on her face for the same reason. Might be worth a try, it'll be cheaper than botox. I think they're called frownies but there are lots of brands that make them.

I also stopped going to hairdressers with 20 something stylists with hair cuts from avant garde magazines, and found one with more normal people, with nice hair, but not intimidating. So you could shop around, look through some windows amd find something non threatening. Good luck.

Also I take my specs off and try not to look in the mirror, just read my phone instead.

You need to change your mindset, it's very negative and victim like.
Your raising your standards regarding your home, now do the same with yourself.
Make yourself and your kids proud.

No its nothing to do with gingivitis. I use cordosyl mouth wash and the toothpast. I'm already half way through treatment. But its going to take a long time.

Sounds stupid . But I don't think think dyes cover white hair well . Plus on top of that I can't do fuck all with ds in my face. He won't leave me alone. I'm talking 16 yeah old not a little child . He does not know when to stop. His lanky body language is all in my face. He shouts over talks . Over things like this I can't be just do simple shit . When I started on my house I had weeks and weeks of him in my face. I get that sounds stupid bit inthink you have to be here to get it.

I'm feeling negative. About my personal self that is not new . It's different fixing a house . It much harder to fix myself.

Victim like is not a nice word. Maybe I'm taking it wrong .

That does sound tough, does he go to school or college? Or to his dad's at any point? You'd have some downtime then.

Never knew there was such a thing . I will look

Go down to home bargains, you can get hair dye for like £3 and skincare for very little that's actually quite good. Start taking a walk everyday to improve your mental health and your weight and skin?

I'm ugly too and it is very frustrating when people, trying to be kind, tell you that you aren't. We've got eyes!

The way I deal with it is to say to myself yeah, I'm ugly, nothing I can do about that. Can't make a silk purse of of a sows ear but I can make a nice sow's ear purse and that's fine too.

Do one thing that makes you happy. Just one thing that's just for you. That's step one.

You don't need to fix yourself, you need to accept yourself. I want to punch myself in the face for saying that even though it's true.

I also dislike sitting in front of a salon mirror.

But you could get a mobile hairdresser to come to your home. Then you just sit at your kitchen table on a stool.

No mirror torture and cheaper too, you have to vacuum the hair up after, but worth it! All around your area for a mobile person people rate.

No he does not. The whole situation runs quite deep . But I basically never know when I will get breathing space. How long for weather its 10 mins or a few hours . And what will trigger a madness. I don't want to go into that to deeply to be honest it's still something very raw that I'm trying to work on.

OK, that does sound very difficult for you, sympathies. But you did carve out time to do the house, how did that work? It sounds that you don't get time just for you , and getting some respite might make you feel more able to cope, I can see why you feel ground down by everything. Is respite care for him possible?