Ugly

[Shithole101]

Just that really. People probably know I have been posting about my house . And that's getting there which is great. I can fix that .

But I can't do anything about being Ugley. This is not just me saying it ok truly ugly. I know my children love me. But I should think they are embarrassed by me. I'm embarrassed about myself so they must feel that way to.

I have a mix of white and mousey hair which Is frizzy. I have freckles , my chins cover a good part of my neck. I have frown lines between my eye brows . I frown in my sleep. Most of my teeth are missing. I'm fat . I don't look after myself as I should because I think what's the point. I have not bedn tk the hair dresser in over 10 years . Because I feel like what's the point of nice hair if i have an ugly face.

I forgot what else I was going to say

I forgot about pelvic floor . I think mine disintegrated. Different speeds of walking could be an idea. 10k is long so it sounds like your doing well. And have a good target.

Yeah the tooth thing was awful. I can't explain a worse pain. I had all my bottom teeth removed in one go. I'm so scared of getting the crop ones removed. Mors die to injection in the roof of the mouth. No choice though really.

You seem to be doing great with your weight loss . And have a goal that's working for you. 💐

I don't cook as often as I should. I sometimes do a chicken stew, sheperds pie, chilli. in the pressure cooker but I use them powder packets things. It's very hard for me to cook from scratch because of the things i have going on at home.

I don't have a partner.

There no way I can do you tube stuff . But I realised after i posted I could probably do the walking around 5 times a week. I could get the kids from school and we could walk home. They could take their scooters so it feels less boring. I will look into that one.

The school run with scooters sounds good and easily achievable.

Re food, what do you do when you don't cook with the pressure cooker? Oven food? Some are better than others.

Some of the videos are literally walking on the spot. Have a look before you discount then.

I’d say haemorrhoid surgery recovery was similar levels of agony. Would rather give birth for a week straight than go through tooth ache or that surgery recovery again. 😱🤣.

defo give the walking a go. The fresh air alone will give you a boost.

When it was lockdown and I was working from home, Morning Live on the BBC had a v short slot called strictly fitness, only about 3 minutes, but quite fun. I still do it on my days off. Talks you through the moves which are v simple, and there's a sitting down version too. May be worth a look? It's at the end of the show so you can miss the rest of the stuff!

Its not the actual videos. Its that I can't do them unless I'm alone. And that hardly ever happens.

Excuses. Get the kids to do it alongside you. Make it good quality family time together.

Unless you've experienced the behaviour op is describing you can't pronounce that as 'excuses'.
She isn't describing typical parental interruptions.

Please be careful of dismissing someone's difficulties as excuses. When someone is at the end of their tether the sting of that lack of understanding can be disproportionately harsh.

Right now you tell me how I do this with a 16 year old who's 6ft 4. In my face every day. Hardly ever leaves me alone. Shouts all day . Has been violent to me in the past. Doesn't know when to stop even when he thinks he's trying to be funny. Will constantly take the piss over and over if I do something so simple like dye my hair . You really think being my fat self I'm going to feel comfortable doing a you tube exercise video infront of him. You have absolutely no idea and alm you can do is keep repeating excuses excuses

I wouldn't feel comfortable at all. But for your own well being you need to speak to someone so you have some space where he is not there. Please do speak to your GP, or he will just carry on as he is, and you will sink. And he sounds like he needs you not to, so do it for both of you. And the other kids, it can't be easy for them either. It sounds lie he rules the roost and that has to stop.

Please get some support for yourself @Shithole101 - GP, local family carers organisation, self refer for counselling if available.

You're so down on yourself but the fact you're keeping going, caring for your kids, sorting teeth out, sorting house out sounds pretty impressive to me under such difficult circumstances.

Has your 16yo son got some diagnosed reason for his abusive behaviour?

This has all been looked at etc etc. It only really came on tk the thread because I didn't know how ti explain why things are not so simple and why I can't just do this just do that . Things are actually better with him compared to what they were. But there's still away to go . There have been big improvements. It's just that it takes time.

Good, but remember the adage that you need to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others.

There's emotional disregulation. He has alot of mental health issues . There's other stuff being looked into as well . He under CAMHS.

I was in a similar situation with one of my DCs, it's exceptionally draining and stressful. I wish I had reached out sooner for support, I eventually referred myself to family carers and had weekly telephone support which helped so much. Also there is an organisation for parents in this situation who may be able to help.

www.pegsupport.co.uk

Ask a friend to recommend a hairdresser, call them to explain that you’re mirror shy and ask if it’s possible to cover it. You have my sympathies: I dislike looking in mirrors other than those at home, and avoid them

Thank you so much for posting that link. I have seen it before but had forgotten about it. I hope others click on lt and maybe have some more understanding or help if they need it. I hope that your ok. And the support from them has helped you . 💐

I don't have friends. Also its not something that you can just phone up and ask them to do . That would so embarrassing

I think you need to start by gently building your confidence. Starting with getting your son to respect you. Maybe regularly telling him to stop being rude to you, to respect how you've put your life on hold to raise him? Then bit by bit tell him off if he's rude, give him a bit of a guilt trip etc- for his own good as well as yours- he needs to learn respect and he might actually settle down if he learns to think about you / other people instead of being self absorbed all the time.
Then as you regain self worth you might feel more up for trying make up, hair dyes from the supermarket, try different clothes etc.
The main difference with supposedly ugly / not people is confidence and effort. Look at all these makeover programmes. The main thing is always hair make up clothes and poise/confidence - teeth make a huge difference too but you're on that already. Good luck with it xxx

I’m sorry to hear that. When I was thinking of changing hairstyles, I contacted the salon/stylist my friend went to as I loved how her hair looked. I phoned to discuss what I wanted and was on the phone for 10/15 mins before committing to an appointment. If you’re nervous of salons I’m sure they’d be happy to speak to you with reassurance re your concerns

Once I stopped a woman in the street to admire her handbag and asked her where she bought it: she didn’t mind and told me quite happily. If you’re feeling brave one day, and see a style you like on someone, speak to them. 99% of people would be flattered. I know I would be

PS I still have the bag and I still love it

😔 I know you mean well. And thank you for posting . I just wish it was that simple.

Try the simple things then. Go for a walk a few times a week. Find a nice face cream. Make something healthy for dinner.