Ugly

[Shithole101]

Just that really. People probably know I have been posting about my house . And that's getting there which is great. I can fix that .

But I can't do anything about being Ugley. This is not just me saying it ok truly ugly. I know my children love me. But I should think they are embarrassed by me. I'm embarrassed about myself so they must feel that way to.

I have a mix of white and mousey hair which Is frizzy. I have freckles , my chins cover a good part of my neck. I have frown lines between my eye brows . I frown in my sleep. Most of my teeth are missing. I'm fat . I don't look after myself as I should because I think what's the point. I have not bedn tk the hair dresser in over 10 years . Because I feel like what's the point of nice hair if i have an ugly face.

I forgot what else I was going to say

I'm sure you're not ugly, but i have to say, I know some fabulous "ugly" women.

It really doesn't matter.

Also - freckles are definitely not ugly.

I've always wanted freckles and used to draw them on as a child....

Some people get them tattooed on!

I feel like they can look nice but depends in the person. Definitely not me.

@Shithole101 that organisation didn't exist when my DC was your son's age, l only accessed support much later on. Do look into it for yourself, you can self refer on their website. You deserve care and support. No one should have to cope with all you are coping with alone

Very few people look beautiful.
Look at any celebrity ‘before’ pictures they all look average.
I don’t mean to body shame them or whatever but they have endless time and money to look a certain way.
We can’t live like that so let’s make the best of what we have.

Facials one a week, moisturiser every evening, water every day etc etc Lidl do cheap moisturiser that is pretty fucking awesome.
Get a home hairdresser or find a salon that’s small and maybe for older people so it doesn’t have the flashy vibe.
Vinted or eBay for clothes that are fashionable and look good.

As I said things have got much better. Compared to what they were. I done a course for parents of children with emotional disregulation. That was helpful in some ways but not others. Probably awful of me to say but I kind of felt like a disconnection between me and the other parents they all had partners. They talked about spa weekends with friends/partners. Or a few hours swimming . Things like ivwill ask my din to go to his room and he will respect that and we can talk later . And there's me thinking FML I can't even wash my hair. My quite time is on the bus on the way home. Even then I'm on borrowed time.

The above is just a reflection really like I said things have got better but it takes alot of time to move forward mentally.

Unfortunately, if you are living with someone who constantly takes the piss out of your appearance, you're likely to end up feeling shit about yourself. The fact that it's your DS and not a partner won't change that. Obviously I have no idea about your situation with him so have no suggestions there.

I had a long period of depression when I felt there was just no point even trying. IMO, the thing which will have the biggest and quickest effect is a hair cut. You don't need to go to a salon, google mobile hairdressers near you. It's often cheaper than a salon because they don't have the same overheads. No need to look in a mirror while you are having it done, and no worrying about what other people in the salon are thinking about you. And ask the hairdresser what hair products she would recommend for your type of hair. Honestly, this will make a big difference- and so much easier than running....

OP, it sounds like you're having a really hard time, have you had some support about the impact your son is having in you - if not, have a look at PEGS, they support parents who are being abused by their children. www.pegsupport.co.uk/

And for self care, try not to get too overwhelmed, just focus on walking from school for 1 day, don't focus on what you haven't done, focus on 'at least I walked back on Tuesday ' .

Same with how you feel about your appearance, start with a hair conditioner or face Moisturiser that you like, even a nice lip Balm or shower gel, something to make you feel good.

Baby steps. Xx

Thank you 💐

I'm glad the situation is getting better, even so it still sounds very difficult never getting any space or time for yourself. No wonder you're feeling low. I think you sound like an incredible and amazing person to do this with no partner or family support. I really hope that your son receives the right support through CAMHS to become more stable and that you get some support for your own wellbeing while dealing with all this.

We will get there. We have to there's no choice . 💐

@Shithole101 have just looked at some of your house transformation posts, it looks fantastic.

I’m not going to comment on your looks because I know what it’s like to feel ugly and it doesn’t matter what anyone else tells you, it doesn’t change anything.

What I’ve got from your posts is that you’re a single parent without much support, you’re half way through extensive, painful dental treatment, you’re dealing with a DS with severe behavioural issues and you’ve transformed your whole house. In addition, through your own hard work and consistency, your DS is slowly improving. Most people would have given up. Personally I think you’re doing pretty amazing.

I think you’ve got too much on your plate to worry about losing weight. Just focus on your health, stay hydrated and try to eat as best as you can. Walking is also a completely underrated form of exercise and has loads of health benefits.

It might also be worth keeping a journal. You get your point across really well in your posts and one day you’ll have an inspirational story to tell. It’ll completely outshine looks and education.

Thank you. I know it sounds so stupid . But I don't think this thread was about being ugly. Well it is, but it's not 🤔 i do feel that way . But I think last few days I have been feeling down . I felt there was nothing positive to focus on. And I felt negative and the negative thing I ended up focusing on was my personal self. Had I been busy doing something positive I doubt I would have even posted this thread.

I had them as a child/ young teen and liked them - but they disappeared somewhere along the way! I will blame my Nana as I'm sure she used to suggest ways to get rid of them

Mine come out badly in the summer.

Or prettily in the summer if you are feeling more positive about yourself.

It's not changed since I was a child
Doubt that will change now 😅 I should pray for dull days

Op what I have noticed time and time gain in your posts is that you are never mean about other people. Lots on this forum have knocked you down or given you suggestions that are just never going to work with your lifestyle of budget, but you are always polite to them. Trust me when I say you are NOT an ugly person.

I know you lack confidence for being uneducated but sometimes I think you show a lot more knowledge than I think you realise and certainly a lot more than some on here that actually have a very narrow view on life.

I am concerned that you have gone from one domestic violence situation to another. I'm glad things are a little better but please please make sure you are getting all the support you can for this. I hate to think of you being bullied by your own son.

With regards to your looks, remember how you knocked the suggestion of just doing a little at a time with tidying your house but then it worked? 😀 Do this again. It will be the same story. A few steps forward a couple back but just keep chipping away at it.
Could you aim to just have a shower each day with a nice shower gel, wash your hair and then just use a really basic moisturiser. That's it. Stick at that for a while.

When you feel up to it then buy a couple of outfits that fit you well. Again really basic. Just new leggings and a couple of jumpers in bright colours or something. Then maybe add in a little pair of earrings. I think often well meaning people on here will come on and give you a whole new complicated skincare routine and wardrobe that you should be doing and it's just way too much for you right now!

For your hair, just stick it in a ponytail and cut a few inches off to trim it. Keep it clean and tied back in a low bun all the time and you'll look just fine. If you want to, when/if you get the time then buy a dye from b&m or somewhere, (make sure it's permanant to cover greys) It should only take about 30-45 minutes to do. If you want help choosing a colour that will work easily then just ask on here and we will help. Please don't let the idea of your son mocking you stop you from doing any of this for yourself. He needs to learn how important you are.

That was long . I will try my best to answer. The reason I'm never horrible to other people even if they have been to me. Is because I never ever want anyone to be made to feel the way I have felt . I don't want them to feel that way .

The educational side of stuff never used to bother me. Not overly I know I can get by. And I know i can cope with stuff some educated people could not. Not that I would want that for anyone. I have been a bit more sensitive over that side of things recently. Due to a couple of commitments. Which I should not have let get to me.

I'm not 100% what you mean about one DV situation to another ? My adult dd was in a DV situation which was a big thing and had a big impact to the extent her and her child plus my side of the family all had to be moved under life in danger . And had alarms cameras, there's a market on both our addeses even though we have been moved. Then the situation with my son towards me cane under DV as well . I did post on here about lt. And I got ripped apart because he was /is a child and DV is not recognised if it comes from a child even if its a teenager who bigger and stronger. That was one of the worst times of my life . As I say things have got better regarding my son. But its still sensitive issue for me mentally which I'm trying to work on. Anyway I'm.not sure if that's what you meant about the DV thing .

I don't feel like I can compare my house to myself. My house feels easier and almost blank canvas and not as personal.

I do put my hair back but it doesn't go back properly there's always bits sticking out really badly. It reminds me of fluff stuck there . Its hard to explain .

The cream could be an idea . I could do that on my owm without anyone knowing.

What about cycling? You can pick up bicycles quite cheaply on Facebook, Gumtree or even from a charity (we have a charity near us that refurbishes donated bikes and sells them).
Get the whole family involved eg cycling to school or for days out.
Think of the bus fares you will save!

I don’t really care how ugly you believe yourself to be, I personally admire you because you are a do-er.
So many people just sit back and accept their lot, but you are actively choosing to change things for the bette, for you, and your children.

I really admire that - good on you! 🌟

No I would be dead time I got to the end of my road. There's no way I'm riding a bike on the roads round here.plus it's hard with the kids.

Thank you 💐

I am no beauty but I do try make an effort with my hair and make up (not very well, hair still static)

I agree with other posters, small steps will make a difference.