Ugly

[Shithole101]

Just that really. People probably know I have been posting about my house . And that's getting there which is great. I can fix that .

But I can't do anything about being Ugley. This is not just me saying it ok truly ugly. I know my children love me. But I should think they are embarrassed by me. I'm embarrassed about myself so they must feel that way to.

I have a mix of white and mousey hair which Is frizzy. I have freckles , my chins cover a good part of my neck. I have frown lines between my eye brows . I frown in my sleep. Most of my teeth are missing. I'm fat . I don't look after myself as I should because I think what's the point. I have not bedn tk the hair dresser in over 10 years . Because I feel like what's the point of nice hair if i have an ugly face.

I forgot what else I was going to say

I really dislike the conditions around looks. Particularly for females. Yes health is important and hygiene but beyond that it's all superficial.

I had a period of being seen as beautiful in my late teens/twenties. It meant more men wanted to have sex with me but the sort of men who don't want a commitment.

I do things to make me feel good like try to be healthy/exerciss. I sometimes wear make up and I high light my hair. Occasionally paint my nails. But I'm not bothered by how others perceive this.

Teeth are difficult and I hate the dentist but yes I would persevere for nice teeth. If you think it will make you feel better do get a hair cut/coloured, invest in anti frizz products. Develop a skin care routine. Because if you invest in self care you might start to feel better in yourself.

But I'd also consider counselling for esteem.

OP, what would you do differently if you were treating yourself with love, compassion and kindness?
Maybe try to imagine a friend describing themselves as you do and see how you would react. What would you say? What advice would give?
And then imagine that the friend is you, and that you can be friendly towards yourself.

Whatever has happened to get you this point doesn't matter now. At any moment you can choose to be kind to yourself.

I don't want to looked beautiful or pretty . I Just want to be under the normal bracket which I'm not. I will try some of the things people have suggested creams etc and the things for frizzy hair. Not really sure what I'm doing but I will look . I'm definitely continuing with my teeth thing. At the moment my bottom are 99% sorted but then my top teeth are bad. I don't think it helps having nice bottom teeth and manky top ones .

I haven't seen the threads about your house but I'm going to look because you actually sound very impressive. Maybe you are ugly, I couldn't say, but there are plenty of 'ugly' people I know who I feel look better than me just because they're making the effort to be their best selves. They are smarter, better groomed by far than I am and it makes a huge difference.

Many here have commented about the extremely positive elements of your life, like your house and the absolutely wonderful way you have of treating other people. These aren't small things. It's time to start treating yourself like your house or like you treat other people. No-one's saying it'll be easy, but you can clearly do it. Look at your determination with your house and your teeth! You're self-sabotaging, which I totally get because your current state is familiar and that's comforting, but there are ways around most of the obstacles you've put in your way, such as mobile hairdressers, box dyes etc. Start with small steps, keep it simple, look online for advice. Make the commitment.

Not only will it be good for you to make the best of yourself but it'll be good for your troubled son to see it. You know he's the problem, not you, so you cannot let him discourage you. It doesn't matter if his comments about you taking care of yourself get you down, it doesn't matter if he takes the piss. You know that it's the right thing to do. Your teeth are a process you're working through and you have onviously seen that persistence brings results. You know it's possible. Just commit.

I just wanted to put this out there. I don't actually feel hurt by the things my sons says. It's the fact he does not know when to stop. He was /is the same about the house. As soon as I start tidying up or decorating etc he's in My face . Over the top projecting his voice , speed talking at me, won't accept my answers bangs on and on at me . This will happen several times a day. There has to be a whole thing because I'm sweeping a room. It sounds silly but when you have someone constantly banging on at you it makes you not want to do it.

I know. Grey rock him. Wear ear plugs with loud music. He's annoying but irrelevant.

It doesn't sound silly at all.
You're paying a stiff price for the things you take on. Of course you will think twice.

It's not that simple sadly. But oh well

I know it won't be simple but you have two choices.

1. Find a way to work with it or
2. Let it keep holding you back.

Yeah I get that . I do end up doing the stuff that needs doing otherwise I would be back to Living in a massive shithole. Its just the constant ffs here we go again leave me the F%*c alone feeling.

Yeah I do find ways . I have no choice . Its still an arse though 😅

That sounds really tough. Just because you love him doesn't mean this isn't weary making / a total head f*@#

Yes that's just lt.

Ok I have had my it's hopeless time . So now I need to try and change it. I have added a couple of photos. But have blanked out my face . So what can I do with my hair . I do have rules for now until I'm ready to change them .

So In a nut shell I want something I can put in my hair to stop it being over the top frizzy/wild. I don't want it to be something where I have to wash my hair several times a week as I won't do it. I also don't want to use hair dryer or straighteners. Definitely nothing involving a hair dresser weather thats at a salon or my home. That's a big no for now. I will likely end up tying it back but I want it to stop looking like I have had an electric shock within 20 mins.

You have beautiful waves there - with a bit of technique and some mousse or gel to hold the wave clumps it will look amazing

I can't recommend on products, but your hair is lovely! Really thick and wavy. It could look absolutely amazing with a bit of tlc.

Op check out the Curly girl method on YouTube, your hair is frizzy because it's naturally wavy, you just need to style it correctly.

Get a hair dye from the shop and colour your hair by yourself.

@cornflower21 I was just trying to have a quick look . But got confused is it a certain video or are there many of them ?

OP go to the hairdressers. Take someone with you and explain you’re nervous. I know it’s hard but you’ll be anxious until you get there, feel some indignity if you look in the mirror (I usually have a nap) and then feel so much better when you leave and see your new pretty do. I have yet to meet a hairdresser who doesn’t want to make their client feel good about themselves. It will give you the confidence to consider other changes, I also think counselling for your self esteem and to give you strategies to deal with your son would be good.

Now I don’t want you to feel like you’re the only one. The first time I started C25K I literally did one run and thought I was going to die. When I mean one run, I don’t mean the entire session, I mean one as in the first one minute run. It took me a good month to get through day one. The second time I started I got to week three and it took months. I’ve tried a few times since then but I’ve yet to get through all 12 weeks. It’s a running joke with my PT. I periodically pick it back up even though I’m terrible it because gets me outside. After the pain the endorphins make me happy. A happy hour or so can help you think nicer thoughts about yourself. It doesn’t have to be about the running if that makes sense.

OP you said you were 'fat'. Well someone needs to go to SpecSavers because you are clearly slim, slimmer than the average at the very least (!)

You are not fat!!! If you really won’t go then try Olaplex.

You just can't see I'm 5ft 6 and weigh 14 +Stone . So I'm obese

OP can I ask, do you ever look at other people and think "wow they're ugly"? Because I actually think that's pretty rare, I think it's so much more common for us to look at ourselves through that lens. What can you find to love in yourself? When I look back at all my years of self-loathing all I feel is compassion for the girl I was. We don't need to be beautiful to be wonderful. What you've done for your family is wonderful. You're wonderful.

I wish my hair had some of your waves! Mines poker straight!

‘The reason I'm never horrible to other people even if they have been to me. Is because I never ever want anyone to be made to feel the way I have felt . I don't want them to feel that way’

That is one of the nicest but saddest things that I’ve read on here.

No I don't think that. But I can be honest with myself . Because its myself.

Ok let me brag just a little. I know that I have a kind heart. I know I try my best for my kids etc... and I sincerely believe that.

But they don't mean I'm not ugly/fat 😅