Ugly

[Shithole101]

Just that really. People probably know I have been posting about my house . And that's getting there which is great. I can fix that .

But I can't do anything about being Ugley. This is not just me saying it ok truly ugly. I know my children love me. But I should think they are embarrassed by me. I'm embarrassed about myself so they must feel that way to.

I have a mix of white and mousey hair which Is frizzy. I have freckles , my chins cover a good part of my neck. I have frown lines between my eye brows . I frown in my sleep. Most of my teeth are missing. I'm fat . I don't look after myself as I should because I think what's the point. I have not bedn tk the hair dresser in over 10 years . Because I feel like what's the point of nice hair if i have an ugly face.

I forgot what else I was going to say

Lots of people are objectively not very good looking, but we animate our faces and mostly people remember your vibe and personality.
I was watching a quiz show last night where two contestants were on (a couple) and neither were going to win any beauty contests!
Being on TV I could have a good look without being rude. They were both really chilled and seemed relaxed and happy, so the main thing I noticed was the sense I had that I'd like to be in their company!

Hard to let go of self criticism once it has lodged in your head though isn't it.

All of your threads just show you're struggling with your mental health. If you're not already seeing someone then speak to your Dr. Small changes to diet and movement levels can have really big changes to how you feel about yourself.

Oh bless you, that sounds really tough.

I would echo PPs though, that hair dye or face stickers aren't going to get to the root of the issue which is your self-esteem. It's taken me a LONG time to realise that confidence isn't thinking you're beautiful. It's knowing you're enough just as you are. As long as you are clean and appropriately dressed (i.e. not going to Tesco in a bra and tutu and crocodile tail), what people who love you see is YOU.

You're perfectly imperfect, just as you are.

Just as a PP said, you don't need to fix yourself. You need to accept yourself.

You're not ugly. You're a beautiful person who is doing so much to make a beautiful home for you and your DC.

Ugly people are nasty, cruel and vile. You are none of those things.

And yes, it does sound very much like how I think and feel when I am depressed. One of the first signs for me that I am having a depressive episode is that I stop washing, brushing my teeth, wearing decent clothes. It might well be worth going to see a GP about your mental health.

You deserve to feel better than this.

Thank you for getting it. I don't know how to reply properly have kind of lost my words. But I feel like you get whay i mean.

As a kid I was always the ugly one . The dopey one . I felt better as a teenager/young adult. Then after kids went down hill again. Obviously you change as get older. But I feel like i had a little gap of a few years looking alright. Then that was it.

I kind of think come on if I have been handed the uneducated cards at least give me a reasonable looking card. But nope I get the shit cards education and looks wise.

You are being really hard on yourself, amd if you don't cut yourself some slack, who will? I second the pps who suggested speaking to someone re depression. But there are quick things you can do to feel a bit better, moisturise, drink water, slap a bit of lipstick on (I know this is covering up other issues but I always feel a bit better with that and some mascara, doesn't make me pretty, but I feel a bit more 'together' , they don't call it war paint for nothing) that takes minutes . But it is the underlying issue that needs to be addressed.

I hate sitting in front of a mirror too. I hate the whole hairdresser experience so I don't go as often as other people but I always take a book so I don't have to look in the mirror but I think the mobile hairdresser idea is great. Failing that then a box dye would be good but I reckon you need to get one good cut in.

I'm also fat. Approx 5 stone over weight. I've started the couch to five km which is a free app and managed to get to the end. Lots of people say they aren't runners or are too fat to run but it turns out it can be done. Even after having previously had a broken foot/ankle 5 times! It's worth a go. I don't know if you have Netflix but they have some workout videos on there as well which you can follow at home. Maybe persuade your kid to join in. If he's out of breath exercising maybe he won't have the energy to go on at you! I've lost a stone or so since Christmas without trying too hard (easy to lose it when you've got so much to lose! It will slow down soon).

You have my sympathy on the teeth. I have a right phobia of it due to the local anaesthetics never fully working on me. I've got a few missing teeth but almost all of them are filled (and with the ugly metal filling) so I'm living in fear of losing some more. It sounds like you will get yours sorted in the end so kudos for actually managing to be so far into the process when you've got a fear of the dentist.

Try a few small changes and you'll see the difference.

I feel for you OP, I find myself quite ugly too - my face is wonky (broken nose in childhood), I have problems with my teeth which are affecting my self esteem and I too hate^^ going to hair salons because I have thick unruly waves that most hairdressers don't know what to do with so when I do find the courage to get my hair cut I often come out feeling worse than when I went in! I'm in my fifties and can't believe how much I have aged over the last few years. At least you are getting your dental issues sorted, so do give yourself some credit for that.

It does sound like the issue is more to do with difficulties at home with your son behaving abusively towards you and the effect of this on your MH. Do seek out support for yourself - go to GP or you might be able to self refer for counselling. If you're a carer for your son are you registered with your local family carers organisation? They can provide more specialist support for your wellbeing.

As a pp said find a mobile hairdresser so you don't have to go to a salon.

No there's no way that's going to happen. Things like that are not available. Also he cant be forced.

The house is kind of different to my actual personal self. If I'm painting fir example I can put the paint brush down for an hour till he's out of my face. If he makes comments about what I'm doing. I don't care even though it bugs me. I don't even care when it's my personal self . But when he's said the same thing 10+ times in a few mins laughing taking the piss over and over. It gets a bit much. I literally can't get him to stop because of how much he projects his voice. He doesn't know when to stop. Or when you just don't start in the first place.

Make up. I don't even own any . I think I look like a clown . I don't even like the feel of make up. I have not worn make up in 26 years

It's impossible to feel much better when you're putting from an empty cup.
I've been in that situation and just couldn't climb out of it, I did everything any person could possible have done and still it only improved when the stresses and strains off my situation improved and I wasn't drowning and fire fighting all the time.
With the home situation you describe it would be a miracle if you could find your words or were feeling upbeat about yourself!!!
We aren't designed to cope alone with tough stuff. Struggling alone is no fun. The only way out is formal or informal support.
People in the same boat you can team up with
Organisations who can offer respite
Family
But you don't have access to any support you just be on your knees. Sending hugs. I hope you get some light at the end of the tunnel.

I very much doubt that you are ugly. Ugly is so rare that I'm not sure I've ever actually seen anyone that I'd call ugly. Your issue is a lack of self care not an intrinsic ugliness.

If you spoke honestly to your GP as I feel you are doing here, they may be able to signpost you to some help. It's worth a try, surely? No shame in admitting things are tough, if that is how you are thinking. That is what they are there for, and most of us do it at one time or another. You are not alone.

Not many people are naturally good-looking. Most are average. Some are unattractive in some way. I look in the mirror and feel exactly like you do, OP. I'm trying to focus on the things I can change about my appearance.

Weight - counting calories, cutting down on sweet stuff
Hair - I have it trimmed and highlighted - it's grey but I have blonde highlights (you could get a mobile hairdresser to come to your home)
Teeth - have dental treatment, pay in installments (I'm doing that at the moment)
Clothes - wear clothes that you feel comfortable in, in colours that suit you. I live in trousers but wear pretty tops/blouses.
Face - a bit of mascara, lipstick, BB cream, and blusher, if you don't want to have a full face of make-up.
Mood - See your GP, you sound depressed. Antidepressants saved my life.
Your son - get some help with him. Where's his dad? Any grandparents, cousins, friends?

I tried the couch to 5km thing. I couldn't do it. Not even the first part. I get breathless very easy. Due to iron issues . I get tired quickly. Breathless, my heart flutters etc. I'm take folic acid at the moment. I'm 3 or 4 stone over weight . Have not even checked . I wanted a gastric band . I'm not getting into that conversation though because it seems to trigger people saying how bad they are etc. Not that I can get one 😅

The teeth thing has been a massive journey so far. It's taken 3 years to sort my bottom teeth. Could take the same for my top so 6 years in all. The pain I went through before treatment was just awful. I used to rock in pain. My ear . Behinde my eye and jaw was all effected. I would get massive shooting pains if there was a slight noise it was awful. But im definitely getting there with that now.

I always feel like other over weight people carry themselves well . Thry have clothes that work for their body shape . I look like a sack of potatoes

Well done on loosing that stone. Your definitely getting there. And I guess the running gets easier as you loose? Well done. 😀

Start with walking and get to a light job before you think about properly running. Walking a few miles every day is a really good start,

I’ve tried it before and failed and then also when I was younger just tried to do it by myself with no training. Ended up wetting myself as my pelvic floors basically informed me that I could either carry on running and piss myself or stop because they could no longer hold up their end of the bargain. There was full regret for wearing light grey leggings that day I can tell you! I have joined a Facebook group linked to the couch 25k and it really helped me achieve it as I learned about sustainable pace. Basically running much slower than even seems possible. Lots of people start it by actually just walking and then walking fast for the intervals and then do it again afterwards but changing it to slow jogging the second time round. I found adding in a bit of hill for the walking improved my stamina for the runs. I do also get breathless due to asthma and being on the edge of anaemia. Now that I’m running a bit more it’s actually started to improve my asthma which is a treat. It hasn’t got that much easier with the weight loss yet as my knees and feet are complaint loudly about the extra activity but I know it will come good in the end. I booked myself onto a 10K run at the end of March so that I have to continue to do it or I know I’ll end up letting the effort go to waste.

ive been there with that tooth pain. It’s fucking abhorrent! I had a 6 month tooth infection last year. The dentist assured me they could save the tooth with root canal. I had so many unbearable treatments but the infection got worse each time they touched it. We actually went on holiday for the first time in years past year and it ruined the holiday for me. I was also rocking in pain and eyeing up the balcony for a quick end to the pain. In the end I said no more. Paid for a private sedation and told them to take the bugger out. The sedation didn’t work but at least after that terrible pain of removal the infection pain was gone. My jaw took a further 6 months to release the tension Id put in it from tensing with the infection!

anyway I definitely don’t carry the weight well. I mentioned my weight loss all coming off my legs to my husband and my huge cut and boobs staying the same and he kindly agreed and told me I was starting to look like a shot putter. Before that I think I mainly looked like Jaba from Star Wars 🤣

anyway, solidarity! I also don’t feel particularly hot right now (understatement) but I think with a bit more weight loss then I will at least feel healthier in myself and that in itself might make me feel a bit sunnier. Hopefully you can exact some small changes and feel a bit better in yourself too.

You just reminded me that i used to walk home from the school run . But then I stopped doing it. Always feel like life gets ik the way . If I dine that again I could probably only do it on a Tuesday and Thursday feels a bit pointless.

Stop making excuses. Do you work? If not you've got the time.

Really ....

What's your diet like? I am by no means a clean eater, and am partial to a takeaway, but i also try to est home cooked most of the week, no sauces from jars etc. It can make you feel less sluggish. If I eat my home cooked lasagne, I feel lighter than if I ate a ready meal version, which I mostly why I stopped. So takeaways are for things I can't do as well (hello wagamama , my local Nepalese and the fish and chip shop) but not so often.

That's not pointless. It's better than nothing.

There's good low impact workouts on YouTube too. Some of them are literally just walking on the spot for a while.

You'll have more time than a single parent who works. I have got sympathy to you finding life difficult because it sounds like you've been dealt a hard lot in life but be honest with yourself. How much of it can you actually fix?

Your diet - yes
Your lifestyle - yes
The amount you move in a day - yes get your steps in!
Skincare - yes, if you have a wash you can wash your face and put some cheap Nivea on it at £5 a pot

What you lack is the motivation which is probably due to poor mental health and lack of a support network. Can you change this? Yes. Ask for help from your GP.

What does your partner say? Surely he does not want you suffer in silence thinking this way of yourself