The EBSA support thread (emotionally based school avoidance/absence)

[BrambleyHedge]

Following this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4996315-a-question-to-all-those-who-think-school-refusal-in-schools-is-increasing-due-to-lazy-enabling-parents?latest=1

I wondered if some people would welcome an EBSA support thread. I haven't seen another one so if there is already one I can delete this one. For those dealing with EBSA - I don't know about you but sometimes I just want to cry and scream with all the stress and I thought it might be healthier to write it down and share with others going through similar issues.

My son is 15 yr 11 and is currently upstairs refusing to go to his mock GCSE this morning. He is too anxious. He is only doing 5 GCSEs and has small group tutoring in his school rather than the normal classes. There are several in his year with EBSA so they have their own group. He is finally being assessed for ASD after 2.5 years in CAMHs list and also finally being assessed for EHCP after mediation due to council refusal to assess. He is what they used to call high functioning but unable to deal with education. I am practically in tears this morning trying to get him to go in. He usually doesn't go in until about 11 so this is early. He doesn't sleep.

So enough about me. If you too are having a crappy morning then please talk.

It would be good if this thread can be for those who are dealing with EBSA. Well meant advice or judgement from others may not always be welcome or helpful. I have tried literally everything over the last two years to get my son to school and am learning much of this is beyond my control. Sometimes there just isn't an answer.

I have put this in Chat for now so it gets seen. It could fit in education, SEN, or some other subjects.

Hey! I would say his EBSA effects the day 80-90% of the time. He is currently on a reduced time table. He doesn’t have an EHCP in place. We want to move closer to family but I don’t want to take him out of a school that he knows only to have the situation repeated for him but in a
strsnge new environment if you get me. If we moved he would have to change school.

Everyone on here has experience to bring to the table but each child is such an individual there is no right answer.
Your son is 8 so I'm guessing y4?
He could move and settle in to a new school and things reset for him until transition to secondary.
If I was moving I would go sooner rather than trundling along and all big upheavals happening in Y6/Y7.
There may not be as much support /reduced timetable on offer in the new school. Or he may just click and be ok.

I remember myself grinding to a halt in y7 could not get out of bed, moving school and getting along ok till y10/11.

If you feel moving would be better for you all go for it. His school situation may not be great but it isn't now and you may get more family support with it?

I am a home education advocate and if you want to discuss that feel free to PM me any time.💐

Hi all, I haven't posted for a while since we made the decision to pull DS11 out of year 7 before Christmas in the midst of him not attending school since mid November. We signed him up to Minerva's Virtual Academy after realising the lengthy battle and hoops we would have to jump through to get the right support or AP from the school and LA.

Just wanted to post about our experience 2.5 days in - at the end of his second day (yesterday) he turned to me and said ' I love this school, thank you so much'

This is incredible from a boy who since year 4 has described school as 'hell'

Early days, but the structure and the format are such a relief for him, he's fully engaging with the learning, and is actually enjoying it

I know it's not right (or accessible) financially for everyone, but thought our experience may be helpful

Oh I am so happy for you! This is brilliant

My experience of school moves is that the child takes their EBSA with them to the new school. Assuming you mean changing between mainstream schools of different kinds. Is it possible to plan for the new school to be more focused on your child’s needs?

Also ignore this if you already have EHCP but if you are moving beteeen local authorities as part of this, I’d recommend that you get as much as you can written down by current school. Also suggest that you start an EHCNA request now before you move, or if no time as soon as you have your new address.

I think the rule is that you can port an awarded EHCP between two LAs but you can’t port an ECHNA request, you need to start from scratch with the new LA that the child is now resident in. Hopefully someone will be along who knows more about it than me

@issy1990 if DS is unable to attend school full time, is alternative provision in place?

Sometimes a change of school doesn’t solve the issues long term. Although sometimes there is a ‘honeymoon period’.

If you stay where you are or won’t be moving for a while, request an EHCNA now. If you will be moving imminently and it will involve moving LA, I would wait to request an EHCNA until you move.

If you move with a finalised EHCP, the new LA becomes responsible for the EHCP but they will review the EHCP and potentially amend, reassess or propose to cease to maintain. Although you would have the right of appeal. If you move during an EHCNA, the new LA will decide whether to assess or not. They should take into account the old LA decided to assess and any information already gathered should be considered. SENCOP 9.162 covers this. If you move during an appeal, the LA can be substituted. Depending on how close to the hearing, it may mean the date is pushed back, though.

@LittlePickleHead that's great news to hear. Good luck to you all on your new journey I hope it works out well.

FYI I would advise everyone avoiding current thread on a child having to be forced in to school, some of the replies have really annoyed me and wish I hadn't bothered replying!

That's good news! I really hope it continues for him. Sometimes you just need to find the right fit!

Had to share with someone as DDs dad is away and hasn't even read messages (and is clueless lol) but we had our EHCPNA panel meeting yesterday, they've agreed to assess! Ed psych is coming out Monday...not heard anything from the LA, but she contacted me today, I explained it's unlikely that DD will even leave her room to speak to her but that we could try. She assured me there's no pressure and she can still assess by talking to me and from her response to her being there she can tell a lot. Just amazing news, I know it's the start of a hard slog and I have absolutely no idea what the outcome will be as I can't imagine I'll get her into a school to even look, but it's one tiny hurdle done.

Now so many questions and need to look into the whole process so I know what to expect but just so pleased.

great news! I hope DD manages to chat to the EP. We thought the same with our DD but actually the EdPsych was really friendly and had the same no pressure approach.

Hope it goes well

That's brilliant @Icantpeopleanymore . When DS got to this stage we had a lovely email from the Ed Psych saying "now we can be confident he will get an EHCP, we can move forward..." before he'd even met him.

@LittlePickleHead fantastic news with online school. Can I ask how his day is structured? Does he interact with peers?

Jan is a bit crazy for us. Our other child is Y13 and has uni visits, offers, A level mocks, driving test prep coming out of their ears. DS mood continues to improve , which really does help, but he's hurtling towards GCSEs and 6th form so far from able to access most of it.

@Piony it's minervas virtual academy. His day is structured between live lessons and work submitted through the online platform, plus there are social rooms and meeting with his mentor through the week.

Engagement has varied, some days he felt brave enough to have camera on and speak on the mic, other times it's just been via chat. There is an in person meet up in a couple of weeks and then a school trip in half term so I'm hoping once he's met some classmates in real life he'll engage more in the classroom.

@LittlePickleHead that sounds brilliant - flexibility from lowish demand if he needs it to more engagement when he's ready. Staying "in the room" is such a win.

Both girls have had their EHCPs granted 😍🥳

Lots of great news all round!

I'm struggling a bit today, think it's just bring half way through the term, I'm shattered and the work is piling up (should be marking now 😬) and I'm just so affected by DDs mood. Feeling quite lonely, I've quite literally one friend, she lives 40 miles away, has two ND kids too. My boyfriend is amazing and so supportive but he's supporting his elderly mum and is so busy with work, I get one or sometimes two nights a week free which is lovely but he's had stuff booked for him every night I've not had the kids for weeks and it feels like he's out there having fun while all I do is work, clean, worry about the kids and pick up after them..he would rather we had time together but he's got so many (mostly fun) commitments and I've got nothing.
Texted DDs dad to tell him about the result of the panel meeting, he saw it but didn't bother responding at all. Typical of him really, just any acknowledgement would be nice.
Told DD about the ed psych coming round, she wasn't happy but did stay downstairs after I told her so that's something.
Best stop wallowing I guess, got marking to do and a long day tomorrow. Glad for everyones good news, well done @ImAlwaysknackered !

Hallelujah. 🎉🩷
That's great news.

Probably not relevant but we signed up for some of the zoom live lessons on the £2 tuition hub and found them quite in your face and loud (the other kids ). So I can understand your son not always feeling like interacting. Hope he keeps gaining confidence with it.

Congrats and well done @ImAlwaysknackered !

@Icantpeopleanymore sorry you are feeling rubbish this week. Have to say when I woke up on Monday I wondered what the point of anything was! I later heard it was officially Blue Monday.
Then the whole morning messed up because my DD was visiting and her train didn't turn up as someone had stepped in front of the train before her station. She eventually arrived 3 hours later than expected.
Hopefully you will get a good visit from the EP. You are doing your best and your DD sounds like she is trusting you. I think women just seem to be so much more conscientious with their children. I hope you can catch your breath soon.💐

Thanks all another battle done!

Sorry to hear you're feeling lousy @Icantpeopleanymore can completely relate! I don't think people realise how stressful it is tbh. A lot of people don't get it. Can also sympathise with the uninterested ex! DD went in to school for 30 mins to see the SENco and try and find out a way to help. Told ex this and he also didn't bother replying! They're crap.

Haven't been around much lately as both DC have been home all month with EBSA and are completely burnt out and it's just been exhausting. I managed to get them in for a session with the SEN team the other day. DC1 was also supposed to meet with the SENCo to discuss GCSE options but they never showed up. I was so livid. This is someone I believed really got them and actually cared and understood the effort it was taking for DC to go in even for an hour. We had even confirmed the meeting earlier in the day. DC saw him around, having meetings with other kids, but he didn't even say hello to them. I sent an email saying how disappointed we were (really tried not to be too emotional, probably failed) and haven't heard back, no apology, not even a fabricated excuse. I feel so let down and so sad for what my children are being put through.

@Icantpeopleanymore I have so much respect for you juggling teaching with DD's needs single handed. I just can't begin to imagine.

@SpaceInvader321 that is just so unkind for your DC you must just be wondering what is the bloody point.💐

@SpaceInvader321 your poor DC. How bizarre! I hope they get back to you with an apology.