The EBSA support thread (emotionally based school avoidance/absence)

[BrambleyHedge]

Following this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4996315-a-question-to-all-those-who-think-school-refusal-in-schools-is-increasing-due-to-lazy-enabling-parents?latest=1

I wondered if some people would welcome an EBSA support thread. I haven't seen another one so if there is already one I can delete this one. For those dealing with EBSA - I don't know about you but sometimes I just want to cry and scream with all the stress and I thought it might be healthier to write it down and share with others going through similar issues.

My son is 15 yr 11 and is currently upstairs refusing to go to his mock GCSE this morning. He is too anxious. He is only doing 5 GCSEs and has small group tutoring in his school rather than the normal classes. There are several in his year with EBSA so they have their own group. He is finally being assessed for ASD after 2.5 years in CAMHs list and also finally being assessed for EHCP after mediation due to council refusal to assess. He is what they used to call high functioning but unable to deal with education. I am practically in tears this morning trying to get him to go in. He usually doesn't go in until about 11 so this is early. He doesn't sleep.

So enough about me. If you too are having a crappy morning then please talk.

It would be good if this thread can be for those who are dealing with EBSA. Well meant advice or judgement from others may not always be welcome or helpful. I have tried literally everything over the last two years to get my son to school and am learning much of this is beyond my control. Sometimes there just isn't an answer.

I have put this in Chat for now so it gets seen. It could fit in education, SEN, or some other subjects.

@Icantpeopleanymore any steps forward are good. Fantastic to see some progress. I'm a bit cynical about making school "sweat". Another take might be she's ensuring no one has to do anything on it until the New Year. But perhaps I'm jaded. Scrub that, I know I'm jaded. I'd still be emailing to check if the paperwork went through as she promised though!

@QuitChewingMyPlectrum they seem to be stacking the pack against your son to make everything harder instead of helping.

@ImAlwaysknackered well done on the EP plan. See what comes at the meeting. It shouldn't have to be adversarial. Parents and school should be on the same side trying to secure the right provision, and money to pay for it, but school are often trying to spread not enough money very thinly, including supporting the kids who don't have parents who can fight for them. It must be an incredibly hard job.

@Piony I will be. I think the caseworker just felt that the school were trying to blame the LA, when in fact they just hadn't filled out the forms and sent them off.
I'll be checking up after the holiday, definitely.

I think I've hit a wall today, I'm exhausted. Can't even think about Christmas and everything I need to do, like a food shop for 7 of us on Christmas day..

DD wouldn't do a safeguarding online meeting today and has basically been in bed all day. She's in better spirits this evening but it's just yet more emails, more back and forth between me and school, more frustration.

Just cannot get her to realise that it's either a 2 min view of her on a screen as opposed to them turning up at the door.

Okay, I seem to be getting nowhere here. DS key worker has emailed me saying she has forwarded my suggestions to the SENCO. I haven't had even acknowledgement of my comments about the wellness check.
Where do I go from here?

I have had an EHCNA refused, went to mediation, back to panel, refused again. The RTA letter stated needs should be able to be met within school but they want to "work with us in partnership". Caseworker phoned and said they thought my DD needs some support now rather than waiting for an assessment. Of course the LA didn't put that in writing! We have a meeting arranged with parents and various LA representatives and EP. I don't really know what it's all about but I will use it all as evidence for the tribunal. It seems to me they want to get support in place without the need to have to fund until she's 25. They have said nobody from the school needs to be involved which seems odd.

I don't know how many of you have used SENDIASS. They can be a bit hit and miss but my local one has been of some help in the process, especially with regards to what actions to ask the school for.

the caseworker just felt that the school were trying to blame the LA, when in fact they just hadn't filled out the forms and sent them off.

@Icantpeopleanymore ^this is classic LA blaming the school too, though. The LA could have agreed to assess based on the information you submitted. Don’t be fooled.

@lavenderlou have you actually submitted an appeal to SENDIST yet? If not, do that ASAP. You don’t need to wait until after the meeting. Follow up all verbal conversations with emails to create a paper trail. So you are aware in case you need to appeal in the future and you go to mediation, the LA should have sent someone with decision making authority. If you go to mediation again in the future, check they will beforehand.

Thank you @SearchingForSolitude, yes I submitted already. Tribunal should be heard July - August next year 🙄. Hoping LA will capitulate before then as my DD is already in Year 10.

Absolutely shocking what everyone is going through.💐

@QuitChewingMyPlectrum how can the SENCo only be getting involved now? I would suggest maybe a meeting with them, maybe HoY too if possible. You can make more progress in a conversation than email exchanges sometimes, and ensure you agree some concrete actions (followed up with written minutes of course!).

Happy Christmas hols everyone! DS is unsettled with the transition but much better than this time last year.

I hope the end of term can bring a ceasefire for all of your families in this seemingly war of attrition.
I hope the kids can enjoy Christmas as much as they can possibly allow themselves and I hope you all can spend any time you can possibly get relaxing and rebuilding your energy ready for the New Year. Hoping that everyone on here gets to feel a little festive for at least some point over the festive season.🎄🧑‍🎄

Happy holidays to all! It's such a relief not having to report absence as the first thing I do in the morning..hope everyone else is getting a chance to switch off a bit. I've decided to try to read a book over the holiday, I haven't spent that kind of time on myself in ages.

We are keeping it very low key, but seeing just family is what we need right now.

I hope everyone has a good Christmas 🎄

Happy new year, everyone. Hope you all managed some R&R.

We've had a very chilled out break but neither DC has wanted to leave the house much or socialise at all, and they've spent a large part of the holidays agonising about having to go back to school. I feel like I'm bracing myself for the battles to start again.

DS is supposed to finally start getting some 1:1 time with an LSA when school resumes and I'm hoping it will have some positive impact, but I suspect it is too little too late and I won't be surprised if he ends up being home most of the week.

We should hear back soon about the consultations we asked the LA to do with some other schools, and we're still considering early reviews but are worried now about how they might clash with our tribunal dates.

DD insists she won't change schools because she has one or two really great teachers she adores, but she also says she won't go back on Monday, which of course means she won't see those lovely teachers -- though my pointing this out has not been helpful, obvs.

Happy New Year everyone.
I hope some recharging of batteries was possible over the last couple of weeks.
How is everyone set tonight?

I'm not feeling as bad now I know I'm not having to force DD in. At some points I'd be outside for an hour with baby DD trying to keep a close on DD due to her running away from school. She is far quicker than me!

Her tutor comes back tomorrow and she's very nice.

We should hopefully find out this week if the LA have agreed to issue the girls EHCPs.

Hope everyone's had a lovely Christmas 🎄

@ImAlwaysknackered fingers crossed. That sounds positive I hope it can be a new start for a New Year.

Happy new year everyone. I took a break from it all and we had a really lovely break, with some of the usual shenanigans but so much more manageable. Took DD to see wicked as her present, she loved it. She clung to me constantly walking around but once in the theatre she was completely transfixed on the show so it was lovely to get that positive experience with her. Slight spanner in the works was me seeing a work colleague on the train who asked if DD was going back to school. I briefly explained why not and about my battles with the LA and DD went off on one at me when back in the car, she did though actually explain how she felt a little, or at least why, and didn't hit me so that's progress!

She's got a safeguarding meeting tomorrow online and I'm so worried that she just will refuse to get up.

Still waiting on the second panel meeting for EHCPNA.

@ImAlwaysknackered I feel like not forcing her in or arguing with her about it has started to have an effect, she's definitely happier although it's taken three months to get to that point, I hope you start to feel the relief soon too.

@SpaceInvader321 good luck with it all, I feel like my DD does enjoy lots of aspects of school and I think she misses it and one or two teachers, she actually talks about it a little now, in happy terms...but the reality is she can't cope there.

I hope everyone else's first week 'back' goes ok.

The teenagers guide to Burnout: Finding the road to recovery by Eliza Fricker and Naomi Fisher may be a good read. It may help for kids to be able to see how they are feeling isn't completely alien to the rest of the world and that some people understand what they are going through.
I find things like this a beacon of kindness and support in a hostile world. I'm not some sort of Naomi Fisher super fan as I have mentioned her writing before, but this is a book aimed directly at the kids. and there isn't that much understanding out there to help them.
@Icantpeopleanymore your trip to see Wicked sounds lovely. I hope you and DD can get a break through soon with support. Also no matter how annoyed school may be if DD can't engage with her welfare meeting trying not to feel too bad about it. If DD could jump through their hoops you wouldn't be going through all this. It is a bit of a catch-22 really.💐.

Wel she did it, was fine, literally a 2 min meeting and my mum said she was laughing and joking about changing the background on Google meet. So that's something, she also started sewing a dress today with my mum which was lovely.
Haven't heard from the LA or SENCO still, so no idea why they've referred us back to early help only two weeks after we were discharged. Not sure when they're putting in the referral for the medical needs school, just got to wait a bit I guess, I'm worried they'll reject it as school haven't done everything they can, the EWO at my school said it's meant to be a last resort after literally everything else has been tried, which they haven't.
Day off tomorrow at least, will try to do something nice. Good luck with the rest of the week everyone.

Sounds like a very positive day for DD!

So pleased you have a couple of positives there with DD @Icantpeopleanymore.

When my DD got a place at the hospital school as it was then called in 2011/2012 as soon as they patched her up a bit they sent her straight back to her original school which by day 1 she was back to where we had started. It would have been ok I think if they had moved her on somewhere else.
I think your DD is too bruised and vulnerable ATM to build back up there. D D didn't mind her time there they used to do a lot of Hama beads! But as usual it's the peer groups.
I know you have to be seen to be ticking boxes but doing what your doing and pushing for a tutor is your best route for dd's recovery.
Obviously that is only my opinion and I didn't at the time have the energy for jumping through all the LAs hoops.

I hope today has some positive moments too.

Thanks @Luddite26...yes, my worry is that there's no way she will be able to go back to her school and that's the main aim of this one... I don't necessarily think she'll even go to this school and I'm so frustrated that the LA are basically saying this way or nothing, but if it ticks a box, or if they refuse to offer a place because of school not doing everything they could, then at least I can then start pushing for something else at home. Complications then for my work but I'll deal with that when the time comes.

Got a meeting with the headteacher next week, only a phone call, only 15 mins...but I will be asking her to look into what else can be done and will be asking school to support me in trying to get her a tutor from the LA, or from their funding. Even just one subject would be something.

I really want to list all their failings but I need to keep them onside! I will ask further about why they didn't send evidence and explain that unfortunately I don't think she will be returning, unless they do something radical.

DD had a blood test booked today, drove through horrible traffic for an hour to get there, for her to refuse having it done 😬 just had to calmly say ok and take her home.

She was so panicked, hasn't been like that since the last morning she got ready for school.

She's been in her room all day, only ate for the first time at 4pm. Just shows what the anxiety can do I guess.

I've not done much all day, few errands, bit of decluttering. Got a manic couple of weeks at work so probably best to rest whilst I can. Trying to not get to a place where it takes over for me, the constant thinking about it all. So difficult though.

Its Existential Dread Sunday again. How are you all?

I was wondering how your son was doing after the Xmas break @QuitChewingMyPlectrum
How is he? I can't imagine school have done anything about the bullying incident?

Another week, another daily repeat of everything... meeting with the head tomorrow, well, 15 min phone call, to talk about my concerns about how they've handled things...it'll be lip service and won't do much good...
Hope everyone has a good week.

Hey! I’m just looking for some experience or advice. Basically my son is 8 years old and has had EBSA for about 18 months. He has ASD and adhd and we are thinking of relocating.

my ex-partner isn’t keen on Home education but I am. I’m wondering if EBSA gets better when you change schools or does it just stay the same or get worse? I personally think it’s better to just move for a fresh start and home educate him.

TIA

Hi @issy1990 has your son got an EHCP in place?
To what extent does the EBSA affect him? Every day?
Are you moving house anyway when you say relocating where a change of school would be necessary?