The EBSA support thread (emotionally based school avoidance/absence)

[BrambleyHedge]

Following this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4996315-a-question-to-all-those-who-think-school-refusal-in-schools-is-increasing-due-to-lazy-enabling-parents?latest=1

I wondered if some people would welcome an EBSA support thread. I haven't seen another one so if there is already one I can delete this one. For those dealing with EBSA - I don't know about you but sometimes I just want to cry and scream with all the stress and I thought it might be healthier to write it down and share with others going through similar issues.

My son is 15 yr 11 and is currently upstairs refusing to go to his mock GCSE this morning. He is too anxious. He is only doing 5 GCSEs and has small group tutoring in his school rather than the normal classes. There are several in his year with EBSA so they have their own group. He is finally being assessed for ASD after 2.5 years in CAMHs list and also finally being assessed for EHCP after mediation due to council refusal to assess. He is what they used to call high functioning but unable to deal with education. I am practically in tears this morning trying to get him to go in. He usually doesn't go in until about 11 so this is early. He doesn't sleep.

So enough about me. If you too are having a crappy morning then please talk.

It would be good if this thread can be for those who are dealing with EBSA. Well meant advice or judgement from others may not always be welcome or helpful. I have tried literally everything over the last two years to get my son to school and am learning much of this is beyond my control. Sometimes there just isn't an answer.

I have put this in Chat for now so it gets seen. It could fit in education, SEN, or some other subjects.

It was recommended we put down a smaller secondary school, but there were still 1000 children there. So only 2-300 less than the others.

Unfortunately the one school that seemed supportive about the uniform issue has been in the news recently because of poor behaviour and there's a new headteacher, so I don't think I can rely on anything I was told last year now.

Whichever school he's given a place at, if he goes in and is told off about his uniform I think we'll be back to total non-attendance.

How is everyone’s morning going. We have half term next week so that makes everything easier.

DD1 was ok this morning, she was a bit hesitant when we got there but went in. I’ll be picking her up at lunchtime.
DD2, on the other hand, did not want to go. She asked if she could have the day off, then said it was too noisy at school, then said she had a tummy ache. She got really upset. It turns out that she’s been put on a table with kids who all have SEN or behaviour issues. When I asked her why, she said it’s because she’s sensible and she’s been spending lessons trying to stop some of the kids annoying the one she sits next to.

Spoke to her teacher so hopefully she’ll be moved. Schools just seem to be a complete mess. These children should have additional help.

arse yes, for years. And no one will help. CAMHS say she needs an ASD diagnosis, the ASD team are a 2yr wait (complained to MP), they both say she needs an EHCP, the EHCP was refused and appeal turned down, the speech team say she needs CAMHS.....

It is quite nuts. I will be the mad lady staging a sit in somewhere at this rate.

Hi all, I have name changed as family are on here and u would like to be free to share all my worries on this thread. I am so grateful to have found you. This morning after yet another failed attempt to get DS to school, I wondered if there was any support group for parents - I just want no judgement and a virtual hug. And I offer the same back to you all.

I’m just taking DS some food now so will check in later.

thank you OP.

Have you appealed the EHCP outcome? The fact that she is unable to attend school is clear evidence that she needs one.

Has alternative provision been put in place given that your daughter has been out of school so long?

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/getting-temporary-education-put-in-place

My son was able to access home tuition via s. 19 until the final EOTAS arrangement was put in place.

@megletthesecond I can see the appeal for the EHCP has been turned down. Apologies I missed that.

Are you taking them to Tribunal? They are wrong not to issue in these circumstances.

I'd start asking for s.19 provisions and really advise you to try to get through to the IPSEA advice line, they were wonderful when my 10 year old was in your position.

It was really similar he couldn't engage with CAMHS either, it was all too overwhelming.

How are the school being? We got to a point where we decided there would be no more trying to convince or drag my DD to school. We have said that if we get there and she doesn’t want to go in then we’ll take her home. School have agreed to all this and she is only in part time now.

Not trying to force it has really helped in terms of reducing her anxiety. We don’t even ask her now on the days she doesn’t have to go in, we just assume she’s staying at home.

Hope your DS is feeling okay. It’s so stressful.

Hi @NeedAnUpgrade , the school are so so. We had the parent teacher meeting from hell last week but at least I found out that all classes are uploaded daily - not all videos just one, the rest are slides of content - and now I let him just log on and work at home. However, he is in 5th year - we are in Ireland - and he has only 1 year left in school and a huge set of exams next year.

He is so far behind on most things and there is really only about 7 weeks of teaching left this year. All of his friends changed schools this year and that was the final straw. We had already had school refusal issues 2 years ago; then last year was what is called Transition Year here, where they get to do non academic activities all year including work experience and volunteering. He adores all of that. But then all the friends leaving and the full on academic content threw us right back to square one.

He finally admitted to me this morning that it is the school that he hates - I offered him the option of moving when I heard about the friends but he refused - he is a main player on a big sport team for them so he wanted to stay. Now he thinks he should have moved.

I don’t know what to do at this point. He has dyslexia and dyspraxia and CAMHs want me to get further assessments but he has refused so far.

@megletthesecond when was the appeal, did you have any independent reports and was it refusal to assess or refusal to issue?

@Iloveshihtzus poor kid. Is he able to change schools for next year? My DD is younger so probably needs a different approach but if it was me I’d write off this year to an extent and then start fresh in a new school next year.

I’m definitely of the opinion that the anxiety needs to be reduced before anything else. It might be that he’s just more suited to a practical education than sitting in a classroom.

@NeedAnUpgrade yes I think the anxiety is the main issue for now. Education can be caught up in. I suppose I stress because I have a friend who has 2 DC who are school avoidant and have now not left their rooms for over 2 years; my neighbour has a son who still has issues and has returned to live with her aged 35 and finally, we had a suicide in the extended family of a teenage boy who was school avoidant with ADHD, last Summer. So I am catastrophising today - but most days I’m ok.

Through this process I have also discovered I more than likely have ADHD and possibly ASD so I am trying to deal with that revelation and the explanation for so many of my own anxiety and work issues.

It really is so great to have found this thread and I will read through all your posts today.

Big virtual hug to you and everyone else who needs one here. It is sad that so many of us are going through it but also comforting that we are not alone as for me that has been the hardest part. When nobody IRL understands or they think they have 'the answer' and can fix it for you - all you want is someone to say ' you are doing your best'.

Got him in for 11 today, lasted so far now just waiting to see what type of day it has been.
decided to contact inclusion services myself and found some Ebsa stuff they have. Waiting for a callback

Just to give you another angle.

My Dd refused to go to school or anywhere. That was nearly a year ago. Shes been in recovery. Now she’s dying to do stuff and go out.

Hi everyone. Quick question - has anyone ever worked with an EP/had a home visit from one regarding ebsa?

Oh you give me hope @ArseInTheCoOpWindow
i just walked back from town and there were loads of teens finishing school walking into shops getting things to eat, fooling around.
It made me so sad that DD is hiding in her room and isolating.

Me too please!

Same as Broccoli. I feel too drained today to comment much but I am also in this exclusive club of surviving parents! Hope everyone ok and has some respite over half term if it is your half term this week. My daughter is in year 11 with minimal school attendance.

I feel for all of us, honestly the pressure from all ends is awful.
5 years now and even with this EHCP I don't know if it's going to be enough to keep her in education 16+.
I'm scared for her and I want to put her emotionally well being first and foremost but I also want the best for her and to not fade in the background with no support and no future hope.
I feel depressed most days worrying.

Dd11 ASD been out of school since November. She started secondary school in September in a school I was advised had 'amazing' sen provision. Sadly that hasn't been the case. The sen manager admitted in a support meeting with other parents that they had so many pupils with sen as there are no other schools available to take them hence why they can't manage to support my dd. After weeks and weeks of my dd being terribly distressed on school mornings and having the most horrendous meltdowns I decided enough was enough and haven't sent her back. I've had zero contact from school and they seem to have washed their hands of her. I'm in the long process of trying to get her an echp. She has no friends and is completely isolated, hates going out due to her low self esteem etc. I'm scared for her future.

That is terrible that school haven't been in touch. They still have a duty of care towards her.

I hope everyone has a relaxing weekend and manages to de-stress.

Yeah, they are not safeguarding correctly.

My Dd had an inclusion officer out every fortnight to check on welfare.

Solidarity to you all. I saw the other thread and am so glad to see this little group.

Recovering from a rough night with Dd as she has a lovely activity booked today that she’s struggling to cope with. Highly anxious, ASD, very strong PDA profile. Any demand (even nice things) cause her huge anxiety and then often deep depression when she can’t do it. It’s like walking on a razors edge.

Out of school for coming up 5 years now. Dd is 11.

everyone who is finding this very hard