The parents of the 2 teenagers who murdered Brianna Ghey

[Netball01]

I’ve been following the horrific murder of Brianna Ghey, and it goes without saying that her poor parents / family must be going through absolute hell.

But after the names of the 2 murderers being released today, it’s made me think how on earth do their parents ever come to terms with what their children haven done ?! As far as I’ve read so far, they are just normal people. I just don’t know how you could ever try and move on from this.

SJ’s dad teaches plastering, so you are both correct

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/scarlett-jenkinson-eddie-ratcliffe-brianna-32031184

(screenshot because the Mirror website is really difficult to use!)

I was responding to someone talking about preschoolage children not being allowed any screentime. I was responding about my experience with children that age. I don't think banning screentime is necessarily a positive, children learning that TV or an ipad are something that can be used and enjoyed but not something that dominates their lives is a positive to me. I wasn't advocating for toddlers to have unfettered access to the internet. Its a bit like banning books when the printing press was invented. We can't hold these things back but we need to learn how to use them productively.

These two kids did know each other but in general I think the biggest danger of the internet is that it allows you to meet your tribe when in real life that could be very difficult for some tribes and if your tribe is into torture or murder or whatever that can normalise something very deviant. That would require controls that the internet just doesn't have and I think many people would fight that sort of censorship.

I'm not in favour of banning things for the sake of it but I am in favour of controls.

I guessed that last night when there were conflicting reports about his job.

A child anywhere near the dark web is a huge shit show. .

Wow it's so sad to read on here how many people know of someone who has been murdered. To the friend of timo, the poster whose brother is the murderer and anyone else, these are for you

I have a teenage GS living with me, he is generally to be found playing some football manager game on his phone or talking to his friends about football (in real life or on the phone) or playing football. Obviously it could be worse.

If he's in his room he can be heard cheering if his team scores or abusing the ref if it isn't going his way.

Maybe a football obsession is the way to go.

I suppose it's because I'm old but I can't even imagine how you find the dark web. Not that I want or need to but I wonder how kids find out. It isn't something you'd just google is it.

There will almost certainly be something amiss behind closed doors. Not necessarily terrible childhoods, but likely some elements of dysfunction. Sometimes it can be parents arguing, strict disciplinarians or putting no boundaries in place and really spoiling a child. Not that any of these behaviours are usually enough on their own to be the cause, but I doubt that the kids had the perfect home lives.

On the one hand I felt that her parents were extremely respectful to the victims family. On the other, perhaps they were also trying to protect themselves, and in doing so, inadvertently distanced themselves from their own daughter.

There were many red flags on the run up to this, so it will be interesting to see what interventions took place.

As an aside, I wonder how much of what Scarlett Jenkinson did has been sensationalised by the press simply because she was a girl and girls are not expected to behave like this. Let's face it. There have been many teenage boys, particularly in gangs, lure victims and stab them to death at a similar age and whom were obsessed with gang violence and drill music, in the place of serial killers.

I went to a mixed one and was bullied mainly by males for what I looked like.

Did you mean to quote me, or someone else?

I didn't post any case numbers. I posted about a news article.

You also posted 3 hours after my post was deleted at my request which seems a complete waste of time.

In my experience and DD’s I’m not.

But let’s not derail the thread because it’s not what it’s about.

To play devils advocate though don’t most families have some level of dysfunction? What is the ‘perfect’ family.

Maybe a family where everyone eats healthily without any degree of disorder, excercises regularly, no one loses their temper, no one has stress at work that they bring home, no one drinks too much ever, argues or finds other family members annoying.

How many families are really like that?

as someone who has works in a school I can assure you you are. Sure academically outcomes might be better but at what cost?

Oh seriously I have also worked in a school.

A lot of teenage boys are gross and sexist. They make sexual comments and gestures to girls. The whole ‘teenage girls are all awful’ thing is just another way of minimising females. Some lower themselves to that expectation. Most of those who think girls are worse are those who attended girls schools and didn’t experience some of the disgusting male specimens at the mixed comp.

But stop derailing the thread which is about a male and female both of whom are awful. There is no sexual bias to this, they are both unspeakable.

There will almost certainly be something amiss behind closed doors. Not necessarily terrible childhoods, but likely some elements of dysfunction. Sometimes it can be parents arguing, strict disciplinarians or putting no boundaries in place and really spoiling a child. Not that any of these behaviours are usually enough on their own to be the cause, but I doubt that the kids had the perfect home lives.

who on earth has a perfect home live?

I had friends with parents with addiction issues, dv, one went to prison for armed robbery so a bit more dysfunction than shouting. They have jobs & are fully functioning members of society.

Well.of course no one has an absolutely perfect home life, but the press have presented her upbringing as being very good. Outsiders would have viewed my own upbringing as similar, and whilst it wasn't hideous, it was dysfunctional with parents having alcohol dependency and other issues. Absolutely nothing would have raised alarms from the outside.

By contrast my children have (so far) a very stable childhood.

Now clearly there are children who come from hideous families and don't go on to commit crimes like this (although that's not to say that they don't have other issues).

Social disorder syndrome is characterised by a whole myriad of symptoms which are said to be both environmental and genetic.
My bet is that there is more to this story than we know so far. It's rare for it to all be genetic.

The problem is if one of your children did something horrific (hopefully not) your family would be under the spotlight. You think you are setting boundaries but that might be presented as you were very controlling, you showered them with love and tried to give them lots of lovely experiences and opportunities can suddenly become they were spoilt.

I think none of us are perfect and we certainly get things wrong but by good fortune most of us get through it with kids who also won't be perfect but won't do anything disgraceful and then we can smile, relax and either congratulate ourselves or thank what ever spirit watches over us for making it OK.

@TheSnakeCharmer I agree about the girl angle. I also think the fact she is middle class white girl makes a difference.

There are countless poor black teens (usually male) lured to their deaths and stabbed almost daily.

I feel for both sets of parents. The parents of Brianna and the kids who murdered her. They will always question where they went wrong and if there was anything they could have done to prevent this happening.

To play devils advocate though don’t most families have some level of dysfunction? What is the ‘perfect’ family.

I agree with this. Virtually everyone can find something that went wrong during their childhood. Also, it’s not necessarily parents who cause problems - it can be siblings or bullies in and out of school.

Well.of course no one has an absolutely perfect home life, but the press have presented her upbringing as being very good. Outsiders would have viewed my own upbringing as similar, and whilst it wasn't hideous, it was dysfunctional with parents having alcohol dependency and other issues. Absolutely nothing would have raised alarms from the outside.

By contrast my children have (so far) a very stable childhood.

I had some great aspects to my childhood but some very difficult ones too, very similar to my friends. We've all done "well for ourselves". I actually worry that my dc have too much stability, I worry if they are streetwise enough, resilient, etc in my eyes some hardship/failure is good & gives you hunger.

@Teateaandmoretea I agree with this and it really hit home for me.

Dysfunctional can be subjective as well.

Look at my husband. Five brothers. Four farm, or are in that area. One, therapy, unwell, felt he was child labour, yet ironically has had the most financial help and support of any of them.

Or the child raised in the city, who craves the country. But nobody can or will take them.

Or in my case, 80s. My mum worked, dad raised us, bullied and ostracised for that. He must be gay.

The kids in full time child care, some thrive, some despise it.

Be interesting to read the posts in 30 years time from all of us and our kids.

I would take a firm bet you will get

I was in full time child care and I hated it

And

My mum gave up work and I hated it.

And everything in between

It's all so very sad. Surely both families will have to change their names and move. Their names, photos, careers have been in the media.

I don't recall Thompson and Venables' families photos being in the paper but I think they moved away too and changed names?

To think they will probably be in their 60's if and when their son/daughter is released.

It is very sad but at least their child is still alive and may be able to make something of their life in their mid-30's onwards, unlike Brianna who they viciously and senselessly murdered.

I think Brianna's mother has been very gracious about it all. Brianna seems to have a lovely family.

i'm sorry,
I hope you are ok.

I am so sorry for your friend Timothy, he could have been a good force in the world.

There's an investigation into this.

BBC3 has an episode on at he Big cases.

It seems that they weren't in possession of the full facts and there were no red flags re SJ.