The parents of the 2 teenagers who murdered Brianna Ghey

[Netball01]

I’ve been following the horrific murder of Brianna Ghey, and it goes without saying that her poor parents / family must be going through absolute hell.

But after the names of the 2 murderers being released today, it’s made me think how on earth do their parents ever come to terms with what their children haven done ?! As far as I’ve read so far, they are just normal people. I just don’t know how you could ever try and move on from this.

Yes, it's a typo. It says:

I have also seen a short email from Rebecca Howarth, Y’s youth offending team worker. That email contains information relating to Y’s family which has been shared on a confidential basis. My understanding is that the information within that communication may not yet have been shared with Y. For today’s purposes, I am prepared to treat it as confidential. In doing so, I make it clear that I have not relied upon this piece of evidence in reaching my decision. Had I done so, I am not persuaded that confidentiality could be maintained. I believe that those working with X will need to be aware that this information is likely to emerge into the public domain in due course and to manage that situation

Yeah I acknowledge I won’t be able to influence everything but it’s about damage limitation isn’t it? DD will be going to an all girls, undecided on DS but likely boys only.

My brother is a mass murderer. Our mother never got over it (he did murder her father though so slightly more complicated). She is forever on medication and her brain does not function normally. Probably never did though as she’s a narcissist. She shut him from her mind, or rather from the one she vocalises. His father visited him until he died. No one visits my brother now. One of the victims father hung himself a few years later as he couldn’t cope. It was a huge bomb that ruined so many lives, mine included.

Hobbies are the most important thing with teens imo (and I actually have 1 and another who is nearly there). Phones they need to learn how to use and my experience is that is more controlled in upper primary than secondary. Interestingly my older daughter’s screen time last week on her iPhone was 30 minutes a day, she tends to watch mindless crap on netflicks instead as ‘downtime’

But getting them out several times a week to train in something or do something gives them a wider social group and just makes them happier in my experience. But then a lot of people won’t do any sort of activity that requires commitment and teens get bored with half hour fortnightly casual stuff.

When my children were teenagers we only had one computer with access to the internet and we made sure it was in a place where it was visible at all times . No smart phones though thank goodness . Life was simpler . But I do know a family where all children bought up the same but one child has some very strange traits , a liar with no sense of responsibility at all . No Empathy or awareness for other peoples feelings . Blames everyone else for problems they have bought on themselves, no awareness of right or wrong . This has been from an early age . But got worse after taking drugs .

Gosh what an awful experience. I can't imagine what a devastating affect that must have had, and continues to have, on you. As you say, the ripple effect is significant.

Have I said something incorrect?

Why on earth do you think an all girls school is better?! They’re vicious.

I disagree, teenage boys can be sexist and utterly vile. Dd definitely moans far more about boys being unpleasant than girls.

The parents took their eye of the ball you cant afford too today.
Dont care how hardworking they are, or the fact they werent divorced it dosent matter. Discipline was clearly lacking as well. Notebook in the bedroom lying around didnt they ever go in there? How well did they know her?

Phones/social media access/dark web etc its all dangerous and sick stuff.
Your paying for the phone so take an interest. Give them an old PAYGyg phone if you cant trust them. Too many parents are now scared of their kids.
Strict parents just seem to be a think of the past. The fact she had already been expelled says alot about the discipline, as well in the family.

She obvioulsy didnt give a toss about them either? She was worried they would find out what she like/what she'd done. All horrible stuff. She didnt want her parents to be proud of her did she?
When she was expelled why did she get another chance someone else?
Perhaps the parents should have spent time with her at home, instead of making her another schools problem and a problem she was.

no, dosent matter though, she was and is.

Perhaps their attitudes were different then, perhaps they took more of an interest. Perhaps they knew her brothers better.
perhaps there wasnt smartphones and social media who knows?

His parents bought him a knife thats not normal is it?

Her parents gave her a phone and had no idea what she was doing on it and what she was viewing. When she was expelled she should have had her phone taken away from her as punishment.

The girl sounds psychopathic I don’t think you can necessarily blame parents for that. Most kids have phones and don’t become psychopaths.

Speculating about whether the parents are caring individuals affected by their children's actions or neglectful individuals worthy of blame is usually futile without further information. I noticed similar after a recentish mass stabbing in America. Online forums buzzed with discussions about the presumed anguish of the perpetrator's parents. There was this assumption that they must be going through immense sadness and shock. Why assume, when we don't know them from Adam? Projection I think. There will be families related to murderers that will be decent people absolutely traumatised by what their family member did, but there are also dysfunctional families that contribute to raising murderers through disturbed parenting. We'll probably know more in time.

whats so worrying is they didnt care about their parents finding out and what it would do to them and the wider family.

Arent they embarrassed. This fear of your parents finding out what your up to has long gone. They must have hated their parents to do this to them, let alone Briannas family and friends. So bloody selfish as well.

she wasnt worried about them though was she?

I often work with groups of pupils, all connected to safeguarding.

In truth, both single sex groups say awful things about each other.

Where children develop respect and a strong moral compass from home and school, they can reason, discuss, identify their similarities and resolve their differences in a mature, age appropriate way.

You’re wrong.

How awful. It must have been like someone letting off a bomb in the families - the victims and yours.

Because girls have been shown time and time again to perform better at school without boys around. I went to an all girls school and really enjoyed it, it was a relief to not bother getting dolled up every day or be focussed on X or Y boy I fancied in class rather than the teacher.

Did you go to an all girls school like me out of interest?

Well yeah, your posted both court case numbers for a start!

On occasion I work with groups of secondary school kids - one thing I have observed is that the girl only/girls school groups are on the whole better behaved, polite, treat each other reasonable well… but when it’s a mixed sex group often I see the girls are loud, sweary, aggressive, showing off, ‘ladettes’ as we used to call them, and quite ‘gang-ish’ (so sit in huddles, there’s always some poor kid sit at the back with teacher etc).

I was quite surprised to see this.

Actually when it’s all boys they tend to be quieter, better behaved, and more polite. And they swear less.

hmmmm.

Yes, the sexes ‘play up’ for each other. I don’t want either of my DC being distracted or in turn distracting others. I think half of schools should be single sex and all parents should have this option.

My youngest left school 15 years ago, good grammar school. When a 15 year old brought in brownies laced with cannabis she was in disgrace, threatened with being excluded from the language exchange trip. That was it. She's a normal adult leading a normal life now from what I understand.