The parents of the 2 teenagers who murdered Brianna Ghey

[Netball01]

I’ve been following the horrific murder of Brianna Ghey, and it goes without saying that her poor parents / family must be going through absolute hell.

But after the names of the 2 murderers being released today, it’s made me think how on earth do their parents ever come to terms with what their children haven done ?! As far as I’ve read so far, they are just normal people. I just don’t know how you could ever try and move on from this.

Apparently the girl was obsessed with looking at the dark web for hours. It's easier to ignore what your kids are doing because while they are shut upstairs looking at all sorts, you get a quiet life. Parents have to take responsibility for allowing their kids unfettered access to the internet. One of my children is the only one in his school class who doesn't have a smart phone. He is 10. There's the bloody problem.

But logically the parents aren’t expecting her to be searching the dark web. And not everyone who goes on the dark web goes onto murder.

Violent crime is dropping. And I'm pretty sure there aren't any legally available games that teach how to rape.

Could this be his dad as well, if so, then in 2015 he was arrested for a huge child porn collection, then earlier this year he was arrested for indecent exposure and making child porn images?! Not so normal after all...
https://www.wigantoday.net/news/crime/borough-man-accused-of-indecent-exposure-and-making-an-indecent-image-4488018

I have taught or been involved with through my current job, several families where a teenager/young adult has killed/seriously injured someone. Not once has the family background been stable. In every case there has been (choose a mix): neglect, alcohol, drugs, abuse, domestic violence, previous offending by parents (violence/petty crime, dealing), low levels of education, mental health issues, gangs. Some have been from known criminal families, some from apparently normal, ordinary families - but it has been a surface presentation.

One had parents who were well-off, hard-working, professional but what emerged was a father who assaulted and controlled the mother, the mother took it out on the younger children in various ways and the whole household functioned on a knife-edge. The younger boy had already come to social services attention because the school had raised concerns about his violent treatment of other children and his lack of empathy for the hurt they suffered, and the unusual response of the parents' to the school raising those concerns.

One came from a family where the father has spent decades creating himself a reputation in the community as a 'lovable criminal'. He's dangerous and his whole family live (partly) on the proceeds of crime (car theft and associated trade). He's racist, controlling, violent (when he needs to be) but also a man who helps others - eg spends the year buying toys, wrapping them and storing them in a spare room and gives away bags of toys to charities and families in need at Christmas. Loves animals and fundraises for a local animal welfare. Helps old people in need. A big chunk of his community adore him, hang on his every word, turn to him when they need help and his family love him to bits but know what he is. The family just think their lives are normal. He has sons who have served significant prison sentences for serious assaults, his daughters never went to school from about 13, and 1 of his grandsons is currently locked up for a knife crime and one is awaiting trial for assault, his grandaughters (now teenagers) don't go to school

Never come across one where there were not serious issues in parenting.

I dont know about the boy, but the parents of the girl Scarlett have, since her name was released, condemned her behaviour and what she did and apologised to Ms Ghey. Also read that the mother (Ms Ghey) has asked for ppl not to condemn Scarlets parents for their daughters behaviour "they have lost a child as well", which is incredible of her to say in view of what happened. She has every right to condemn the parents and everyone involved with the murderers but instead (for Scarlet's parents anyway) she is practicing compassion. What an amazing woman

Wow, how can they say his dad was normal, loving....is this his dad?!?! If so, why are the police stating he came from a normal family?!?! WTF

Did the police say that? Certainly the papers are quoting neighbours saying that which is odd if he’s a sex offender. Mistaken identity perhaps?

I don't believe that. Some people are born psychopaths. Most people, no matter what their backgrounds, do not go on to become brutal killers. And this girl had a lovely childhood. Psychopathic traits would have been there from birth. It's a tragedy it wasn't recognised and dealt with sooner.

If we are not influenced by what we see then the advertising and pr industry is wasting billions.

OP have you read " We need to talk about Kevin"? It's possible to have a child who behaves well most of the time but has the potential to do harm. I know the book is fiction but I have experience of a less drastic version of this.

Is your parenting so perfect that you can criticise others? We know one father seems to be a problem but the other parents may have been desperately trying to get help for their problem child but getting nowhere. The girl was able to manipulate the boy into knifing Brianna and to persuade Brianna to meet up with her, she probably had some charm.

Would you ever completely abandon your child or would you still feel you needed to try and work on making them less likely to reoffend? In the book I understood the mother, she was all he had left and he needed her.

From a very quick Google:

Steam has over 90 million active users, and approximately 35 million users are minors who can easily gain access to the system by simply clicking past the age blocking walls to see and buy or freely download sexually explicit games such as:

• MIRROR – This is a game that features rape scenes and even has a meter to measure the amount of pain and discomfort being inflicted by the player.
• LOVE VIBE: ARIANA – This is a pornographic video game portraying clear penetrative sex acts.
• MY SERVANT AND THE STRANGER ASTENSIA – This features and promotes rape scenes and sexual harassment.
• HOUSE PARTY – Steam has currently updated this game so there are censor bars over the nudity, but the premise of the game and its themes of coercing women into sex via intoxication.

Psychopathic traits would have been there from birth. It's a tragedy it wasn't recognised and dealt with sooner.

Psychopaths can be CEOS, it doesn’t mean you are a cold blooded killer…

I think it must be mistaken identity - if that was his dad it would be all over the papers. The press would definitely not hold back in my opinion if it were true.

@fairydust11 exactly makes no sense for the media to not report. Won’t stop the web sleuths though 🙄

This.

People want to blame the parents because it reassures them that THEIR kids could never do anything like that because they are Good Parents.

It’s the same people who blame rape victims because they were wearing the wrong clothes or going to the wrong places. It helps them believe that nothing like that could happen to Respectable Women like them.

In many cases, the parents are also victims and they will serve a life sentence. Because they will never get over it and never lead a normal life again. There’s been many examples given of this on this thread.

Can every parent here say categorically that they know exactly what their teenager accesses on the internet 24 hours a day? Do you have key loggers on all their devices ? Are you able to stop them going online at school / a mates house / on their burner phone ?

Are you all so perfect, that you have ne er yelled at your kids, been too strict or too lenient? Have you been 100% understanding and empathetic and child centred for their whole lives ? Has there never been a cross word in your house? Is your marriage a model example for your kids?

No, me neither.

“ Let him who is without sin cast the first stone “.

People want to blame the parents because it reassures them that THEIR kids could never do anything like that because they are Good Parents.

It’s the same people who blame rape victims because they were wearing the wrong clothes or going to the wrong places. It helps them believe that nothing like that could happen to Respectable Women like them.

100%

The school should certainly have known why she was expelled

Bloody hell. I'm asking for my post to be deleted - I think posting on the Internet is 'publishing' and I've no desire to be up for contempt of court!!

I do think its a failing whereupon parents are allowing kids free reign to download etc. (in the interests of keeping your child safe).

Its not difficult to monitor your child's devices. I use family link, I get an approval request for any apps my daughter wants. Her phone locks too via family link at 10pm and stays off until 7am. Shes nearly 14, and I've had family link for as long as shes had a phone. I regularly check her snapchat and tiktok too.

I'm not saying any of the above would've made a difference to the character of these particular two, I don't believe it would.

It's prompted me too to (again) think about schools and how safe our kids are at school. This girl befriended Brianna in 'inclusion' classes; they were treated as kins. They weren't remotely so though, one was a vulnerable girl and one was a delinquent. The former (Brianna) should've been protected from the likes of the latter, instead of being obliged to associate with her.

@fonfusedm this is interesting, the percentage of knife murder has increased but the overall rate decreased.

I was shocked to see 69 under 12 months.

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/homicideinenglandandwales/march2022

Am I allowed to actually mention the court order? I mean, it came up in DuckDuckGo search and the URL isn't my fault...

@exLtEveDallas and those are legally available and rated by the GRA?