"I'm an SEN mum"

[drspouse]

Of course my child goes to a school you haven't heard of.

Of course I have a full pack of complaint letters in my back pocket.

Of course I'll leap on you to exchange stories if you're another SEN parent.

Of course I know what all the acronyms stand for, DLA, EHCP, AR, LEA, we've got it all.

Of course the LEA doesn't bother providing my child with the education they are legally entitled to.

Of course I don't want to discuss your child's grammar school application. No, not their prom dress or school trip woes either.

(Feel free to continue in the TikTok vein, if you have contradictory experiences just put them down, no need for discussion, this is Chat not AIBU!)

Oh I forgot:
Of course everyone says I'm making it up.

But also
Of course everyone says I'm minimising my DC's needs.

I am a SEN mum. I probably won't be able to come to the birthday party.

I am a SEN mum. NOTHING is ever straight forward.

I am a SEN Mum. I worry about what will happen when I die.

I am a SEN Mum. I am more at risk of losing my job than you.

I am a SEN Mum. My marriage sometimes feels like its hanging on by a thread,

I am a SEN Mum. Sometimes I feel overwhelming resentment at NT parents for how easy they have it.

I'm an SEN mum, of course the mums in the playground bitched about me until we got a specialist school placement.

I'm an SEN mum, people like to tell me sen didn't exist back in their day even though that's bollocks, we just had people in asylums and shit day centres making repairs in clogs for tuppence a fortnight.

I'm an SEN mum, no, shredded hidden vegetables in a tomato pasta sauce won't get eaten. But I might get pinched for trying that again!

I'm an SEN mum, of course my kiddo decides to shout "fuck" in the asda when the queue is long.

I'm an SEN mum, we have to plan day trips avoiding driving past certain places because if he sees them he'll try and break out of the car using his head to smash the windows.

Im an SEN mum, I'll have people be cunts to me both in real life and online because my son won't play in the age appropriate part of the soft play centre, instead he just wants to flap his hand and be left alone.

I'm an SEN mum, we have the same song played on a loop for months on end and if I suggest another song by the same artist, I'll be bitten.

I'm an SEN mum, people like to tell me my son with learning disabilities, challenging behaviour, autism and very limited comprehension will be absolutely fine because aunty sue's neightbour fat cath had all this funny business with her middle son Adam, but he's even got a job in morrisons cafe now, and he took Sandra who works at the spar to see forrest gump in the odeon and then to frankie and bennys for tea. He's cured now!

I'm an SEN mum, people really begrudge me getting universal credit and carers allowance even though I couldn't continue working when I was having to leave work mid shift because my son kept traumatising the other kids.

I'm an SEN mum, people like to give me their unprofessional non medical background opinions on giving my child medication.

I'm an SEN mum and trust me, unless you are also, your child is having a tantrum, not a meltdown.

I'm an SEN mum and I'm always friends with other SEN mums, we're like a secret club 💐

I’m an SEN mum. I’ll be doing this for the rest of my life.

I’m an SEN mum and I don’t recognise my life anymore.
I'm an SEN mum and I’m tired of fighting.
I’m an SEN mum and have no-one in RL to talk to as my DCs want their privacy.
I’m an SEN mum and am terrified of the future when I’m not here to care.
I’m an SEN mum now and always.

I'm a SEN Mum and can now see the education system for the pile of shit it is, whilst simultaneously having 3 non SEN children in mainstream education.

I'm a SEN mum and a late diagnosed neurodivergent.

I'm a SEN mum and my reluctance to take on new challenges is based on my undiagnosed but very genuine PTSD not only due to my child's extra needs, but also because of the torture of dealing with the LA about my child's EHCP.

I'm a SEN mum and my life is small, despite previously having a professional career and a back pocket full of dreams.

I'm a SEN mum and want to change the world, but I'm too tired.

I’m a SEN mum and behind my smile, I’m broken
I’m a SEN mum and my life is a constant battle with departments who should help
I’m a SEN mum and there is nothing left of me. Who even am I beyond a carer?
I’m a SEN mum and I have to find the strength to keep fighting
I’m a SEN mum and behind my smile, I’m broken

I’m a SEN mum and I’ve never experienced such overwhelming loneliness like it.

I’m a SEN mum and no, I don’t want to hear about your worry over grammar schools.

I’m a SEN mum and I wish my child could access the world in the way an NT child does- that does not mean I would change my child.

I’m a SEN mum and I don’t find your patronising ‘ahh that’s a shame’ helpful (regarding my child only being at school until 1 and largely wandering round school).

I’m a SEN mum and I don’t want to see your back to school pictures, Christmas play pictures or any other pictures because they hurt my heart. My child is denied all of that.

I’m a SEN mum and I’m not joking when I say KCC have destroyed my life.

I’m a SEN mum and it’s broken me.

I'm an SEN mum and the highlight of our Christmas was a trip to hospital.

I'm an SEN mum and no, my child's EHCP is not a "golden ticket" to benefits.

I'm an SEN mum and I'm really happy that my child's school is 28 miles away and has zero chance of making local friends - not.

I'm an SEN mum and, no, not all children do that. It's not reassuring when you say they do; it minimises my child's and my experience and tells me that you really, really don't get it.

I am an SEN mum every plan you try to make with us will be approx 500% harder for me than for you but please continue acting surprised with I ‘don’t seem enthusiastic’ about an extended family trip to centre parks !

I am an SEN mum, making friends at regular mums groups isn’t a thing.

I am an SEN parent, please stop comparing your child’s infrequent and neurotypical challenging behaviour to my non verbal ASD child’s meltdowns!

I am an SEN parent and I will always be ‘difficult, awkward and generally obstructive’ when making plans because my child can’t just ‘go with your flow’

I am an SEN parent and I have literally nothing left to give!

I am an SEN parent and I have been fighting so hard for so long to get the basic things you take for grated.

@Lostatsea10 another KCC mum here. Solidarity.

I'm not a SEN mum and I want to thank you all for sharing this moment of what it's like. You aren't here to spend your time educating the rest of us but your honestly brought me to tears and I admire every one of you.

I’m a SEN mum and I was nodding along to every single post.

I am not a SEN Mum but I think this thread is very important. I recently spent a weekend at a friend’s house who is a SEN Mum and the absolute relentlessness of it floored me. I don’t think anyone could even begin to understand if you don’t live with it. I was there for a tiny snapshot of what her life is like, she does this day in day out, 365 days a year.
Thank you to all the SEN mums who have shared with such honesty and transparency to just give a small glimpse of what it takes to be a SEN Mum. Even though I can empathise I can never even begin to grasp what it like.

I’m not a SEN Mum, I’m “just anxious”

I’m not a SEN Mum - DD is “just anxious”

I’m SEN mum, no, she can’t just try a bit harder

I’m a SEN mum, of course we’re just making it all up so she can get special treatment.

I’m a SEN Mum, I’m only in it for the disability benefits

I’m a SEN Mum, it is that bad

I’m a SEN mum but no, he doesn’t “look” autistic

Im a SEN mum and I’m sorry you struggle with eye contact 🙄

Im a SEN mum and I’m pretty sure the SENCO is gaslighting me

I'm an Sen mum who will never have an empty nest. Worries about what will happen when I die as I don't want to burden his sister. It just never ends

I’m an SEN mum and I believe that one day I may have to bury my child because her mental health struggles will overwhelm her.

I'm an SEN mum and agree that everything is a battle.

I'm an SEN mum and have just had to explain to our Social Worker that DLA does not take into account diagnosis. She was shocked.

I'm an SEN mum and we are currently battling for overnight respite because someone forgot to log it on the panel report, sigh.

I an an SEN mum. I am also a single mum. People love to judge. My autistic boys need a firmer hand and they'd stop "acting like that". I need to work more as UC claimants are just idle scroungers. But not too much or my children will need more attention. I don't do enough housework, Brenda down the road has an autistic child and a spotless home (she also has an involved DH, a family income 4x mine and a cleaner). I spend too little/too much time/money on myself, if they were me they'd <insert now why didn't I think of that advice here>. It goes on. I'm having a particularly shitty start to the new year and have no more spoons left to do or be more. Pity party for 1 please.

I'm an SEN mum.
Too right I'm abrasive
Too right the school staff call me That Mum (when they're being nice)
Too right you don't know how I do it, too right we're an amazing family... too right I'm a fucking superhero.

SEN Mum here too. Bruised and battered from 2023's brutal fight with LA for appropriate education for DS. No Special School places available, repeated refusals to help, leaving DS with no education. Tribunal was the only option. I hate our LA so much for forcing us to go down this route. So stressful. Gaslighting bastards.

I share your fears, and your pain @SandrenaIsMyBloodType

I'm a SEN mum and no, a parenting course won't help (you cunt).
I'm a SEN mum and yes of course I'm worrying about the future. I've read the statistics about MH in girls with SEN, especially when they haven't been diagnosed (because they're still on a 3 year waiting list)
I'm a SEN mum and yes, even their dad asked if 'labels were helpful'. Depends on what they get/how they're viewed because of the label, though, doesn't it. I'd rather ADHD/ASD than naughty, violent, lazy and sociopathic.

Another:

I’m a SEN mum and no I can’t “discipline it out of him”

I’m a SEN mum and no he “doesn’t have to learn” (in relation to waking early)

I’m a SEN mum and I’ll be on his side until the bitter end, so fuck off with your ‘discipline and he has to learn’. That little gem of wisdom cost me my father who doesn’t want to know “that sort of child”.