"I'm an SEN mum"

[drspouse]

Of course my child goes to a school you haven't heard of.

Of course I have a full pack of complaint letters in my back pocket.

Of course I'll leap on you to exchange stories if you're another SEN parent.

Of course I know what all the acronyms stand for, DLA, EHCP, AR, LEA, we've got it all.

Of course the LEA doesn't bother providing my child with the education they are legally entitled to.

Of course I don't want to discuss your child's grammar school application. No, not their prom dress or school trip woes either.

(Feel free to continue in the TikTok vein, if you have contradictory experiences just put them down, no need for discussion, this is Chat not AIBU!)

I’m a SEN mum & I’m also exhausted & I’m nodding along in recognition.
No my DD won’t get better at dealing with loud noises by being exposed to them without her ear defenders.
Being out of her comfort zone isn’t helpful to her & if it was she would still be at school!
No she does not need to develop more RESILIENCE & that isn’t the problem with young people nowadays- gah!
No not everyone is ‘a bit on the spectrum’ & not everyone ‘is a bit ADHD.’
When you stare at us in a judgemental way when my DD is screaming on the floor do you think I don’t notice?
These responses made me tear up so thank you everyone- you are all awesome ☺️. Keep trucking on.

I'm an SEN mum and I'm tired of people telling me "well everybody is a bit Autistic" 😔

I’m a SEN mum and if the Co-op runs out of iced donuts with rainbow sprinkles before school pick-up time we are in for an evening of terrifying violence

I’m a SEN mum and I have to lie to school mums about where I got my bruises and bite marks

I’m a SEN mum and if one more person hectors me about the evils of ultra processed food and screen time I cannot be held responsible for my actions

You are all awesome. That is all.

I'm a sen mum, I'm divorced, I've lost multiple jobs, I've homeschooled, but I'm through it - she's an adult and has an amazing partner who accepts her for who she is, knows she can't really work, really gets it!

I’m a SEN mum and if I told you my husband hit me, punched me, tried to kick me in the stomach so I fell backwards down the stairs and told me what to wear and how to do my hair, you’d help me. Because it’s my 6 year old I don’t tell you and no one knows. A professional once gave me a leaflet and smiled pityingly at me for that.

I’m a SEN mum and KCC accused me of neglecting my younger child by not taking him to baby groups. At the time we were in a meeting about the fact the SEN child was only being allowed into school 30 mins a day. She told me it was ‘convenient’ that I said I had no family support.

I’m a SEN mum and that same woman opened a meeting with “what were you hoping to achieve by getting an EHCP? They’re not magic unicorns and your child is just a statistic to us”.

I’m a SEN mum and I’ve never been driven to violence in my life, but if I could make that bitch feel a fraction of how I felt that day with no consequence I’d do it. Over and over again.

I’m a SEN mum and I glance at my phone regularly during work (I’m a teacher and I really shouldn’t) because I’m so incredibly worried he’ll have had a meltdown at school and need collecting again.

I’m a SEN mum and over the last month alone my six year old has hit me, told me he hates me, physically attacked me for half an hour in a public place while people walked round us not making eye contact, tried to trip me up by the stairs and told me he doesn’t want to be part of the family anymore.

I’m a SEN mum and I’m trying to befriend one of the other SEN mums on the school run so we can go to the pub together one night, I think we bloody need it!

I’m a SEN mum and I worry so much about what our future looks like, whether I’ll be able to keep working, whether DS will ever live independently, whether all this madness will fall on poor DD’s shoulders.

@Lostatsea10 100% the feeling of living under coercive control, but to say that out loud makes you sound like a madwoman / an awful parent / an ableist bigot depending on who you’re talking to.

I opened up to my NHS therapist about my son being aggressive towards me. She said she'd have to speak to the Safeguarding team. I no longer talk about it. Thankfully things have been relatively steady at home for weeks.

I'm a SEN mum and sometimes, only sometimes, I wonder whether there is a parallel universe in which my child actually took GCSEs with their cohort, where we went to University Open Days and discussed accommodation, where I worried about them attending teenage parties and where their friends came for sleepovers.

Please don't tell anyone.

I’m a sen mum who says “ well I have no choice, I have to ” when I’m told I don’t know how you do it.
I’m a sen mum who loses her shit when dealing with unhelpful professionals.
I’m a sen mum who has successfully fought for every bit of support my son needs and now has.
I'm a sen mum who is dreading transitioning to the shit adult care system and knowing I’ve got to start fighting for support all over again.
I’m a sen mum who won’t tolerate ignorant comments and stares from rude people.
I’m sen mum who tries not to think about what will happen to my son after myself and my husband have died, it breaks my heart that he’s so vulnerable, but I know I’ve got to start putting the wheels in motion at some point
I’m a sen mum who is nodding and agreeing to all that posters are saying on this thread
I’m a sen mum that agrees, if you aren’t a sen mum you have no fucking idea, you really don’t and you will never know how fucking hard it is in every way imaginable.
And yes to the superhero, I think I am actually- and have been told by friends, family and professionals that I am, I don’t know how to not be a sen mum, it’s the only mum I know how to be, but thank you to the poster for reminding me

I'm a SEN mum who hates being called Mum by anyone but my kids. My first name, Mrs Surname or Child's name mum are all acceptable alternatives

I'm a SEN mum who gave up work for her child. The chances of me working again are slim to none

I'm a SEN mum who developed ME as a direct result of caring for her child and dealing with a broken system. A system I am now trying to battle for myself

I'm a SEN mum who can tell you about how to hide various medications in various things

I'm a SEN mum who's ended up in A and E twice in the past year because of their 10 year old son

I'm a SEN mum who has a police marker on their address. So if I call the Police, they know I'm not doing it for trivial things and I need help NOW

I'm a SEN mum who's child's actions towards me have been described as emotionally, physically, verbally and financially abusive. If my husband did anything like what I get from my 10 year old, he would have been arrested a long time ago.

I'm a SEN mum who has and will continue to crawl over hot coals for their child. I became 'that mum' a long time ago and I couldn't care less.

I am a Sen mum and I just want to be able to do "normal" stuff with my kids.
I am a Sen mum and I will not refer to myself or my child as a "warrior" because neither of us chose any of this.
I am a Sen mum and I have PTSD as a result of it.
I am a Sen mum and social services support doesn't exist in the way I believed that it did before I was part of the system. There is no safety net.

I’m not a SEN mum, I’m just a really dreadful parent who really needs to understand boundaries and acceptable behaviour, and absolutely loves having the rudimentaries of child-rearing explained to her using words of one syllable or less by someone who is lucky enough to be raising a NT child, because trying to enforce good behaviour in my child has honestly never occurred to me.

Just kidding, I’m a SEN mum really.

Another KCC SEN Mum here... I'd wave hello but I'm too knackered.

I'm a SEN mum and yes I have thought of buying 2 pairs of the same clothing. And no it doesn't work.

I'm a SEN Mum, and yes you are quite right, we are all a little bit 'on the spectrum' aren't we?

I'm a SEN Mum and CAMHS are so well funded, fit for purpose and supportive.

I'm SEN Mum and I'm not petrified for my son's future at all.

I'm an sen mum. I don't like the hollland poem.

I’m an SEN mum yes I am “anxious” you’ve just told me my child is on a path which is likely to lead to depression and self-harm, but also offered me bugger all support or advice of what to do - what emotion should I be feeling?

I’m an SEN mum, but not your Mum, call me by my name or Ma’am or Miss.

I’m an SEN mum who is also a lawyer who specialises in healthcare law and that does not mean I’m “anxious” when in fact my child has an appendicitis (sorry he didn’t respond typically) and you blamed it on anxiety.

Im an SEN mum and as a result of the above am terrified my child will die because his symptoms will be written off as neurodiversity and anxiety until it’s too late.

I’m and SEN mum and it’s my job to mediate between medical professionals and the LA, because while my child has serious problems it’s the other organisations responsibility.

I’m an SEN mum Im fed up of always being the bigger person and having to win professionals round to get support for my child when they’ve messed up and I’ve dared to complain.

Im an SEN mum, I’m middle class, the EHCP process is not a golden ticket for a fancy school - it was a golden ticket to a prescription of SSRIs.

Im an SEN mum when my GP prescribed the SSRIs she questioned if she should, because my feelings were totally understandable given all I was going through, but decided as that was not going to change she better prescribe them so I could get through the day.

Im an SEN mum I hate any sort of school event assemblies, plays matches. I sit there dreading my child will have a meltdown. Even if it goes well I’m questioning why if did to ensure that’s repeated next time.

I'm a SEN mum and I see you all. The exhaustion is real and knowing there's no end game is beyond depressing.

Did you have the energy to complain about her?

I'm an SEN mum and no, residential school is not quite the same as boarding school and no, I don't love the peace and quiet with her gone.

@tothelefttotheleft no, I’m tired. It won’t make a difference and I need the bitch to be vaguely onside. She’s the Provision Evaluation Officer and it’s up to her where he goes. She’ll say mainstream regardless but as we head to appeal, making a complete enemy of her just makes my life even harder 🤷‍♀️

I'm an SEN mum, yes I have tried lavender.

I'm a SEN mum, the nerve endings in my forearms no longer feel pain because of injuries from my child.

I'm an SEN mum, I have just found out I am also neurodivergent. But no it doesn't matter I still have a family to look after who don't care.

I'm an SEN mum and I would fight for my children at any cost but don't feel I should have to.

I'm an SEN mum and all of the above.

What an offensive thread