"I'm an SEN mum"

[drspouse]

Of course my child goes to a school you haven't heard of.

Of course I have a full pack of complaint letters in my back pocket.

Of course I'll leap on you to exchange stories if you're another SEN parent.

Of course I know what all the acronyms stand for, DLA, EHCP, AR, LEA, we've got it all.

Of course the LEA doesn't bother providing my child with the education they are legally entitled to.

Of course I don't want to discuss your child's grammar school application. No, not their prom dress or school trip woes either.

(Feel free to continue in the TikTok vein, if you have contradictory experiences just put them down, no need for discussion, this is Chat not AIBU!)

Here too! Sending strength

Completely echo this. Read all the comments and its an eye opener for sure. I'd also thank you all for being great parents as its obviously not easy.

Can I get a HELL YEAH!

No, me AND DH can't just give up work and claim 'top benefits' so we're 'always there for DS in case he has trouble at school' (some twat at work did suggest that).

Yes I'm worried DS is NV.

Yes I worry how people will treat him when he's a fully grown man (the amount of anti autism ableism on Mumsnet alone is shocking).

No we haven't got round to claiming DLA yet.

Yes DS has got a rein. Not because I want to humiliate him, but to stop him running off.

@Lemevoir "I'm an SEN mum and no, my child's EHCP is not a "golden ticket" to benefits. 100% this."

@Bibbidybobbidyroo "I am a SEN Mum. I am more at risk of losing my job than you." 100% yes. Had my Kim Tate wannabe manager ask if I'm cut out for the role due to DS. Hence why me and DH are in the Union. In case things get ugly.

I’m a SEN mum and you can look away all you like, but my child is here, is present and is in the space. He’s allowed to be in the space. Your discomfort at his needs is not my problem.

I’m a SEN mum and this thread has set me off on a cathartic rant!

I’m a mum to a disabled child, no not SEN, then SEN provision (ha) won’t fit.

No, actually the autism group in school won’t support his physical disability.

the phrase “wait and see” makes my blood pressure rise and I’ll never agree.

but I’ll happily share war stories with other parents trying navigate this minefield.

I am not an SEN mum but I am reading every comment. 💐

Its so shit isnt it.

I am not that happy with my current job but I am stuck here because they have flexible hours and if they were to get rid of me it would cost them a fair bit because ive been here so long.

Career changes, or any sort of career, just cant happen around 'My SEN child vomited all over me this morning in protest at leaving the house so I guess I am off again today'.

I’m sorry for your difficulties at work @Bibbidybobbidyroo and any others reading this. I’m not working at the minute, 15 years of teaching down the drain because funnily enough, my employer wasn’t understanding about my child being in school for 30 mins a day.

You have my utter sympathies with how difficult it must be to juggle work, plus the calls/emails/admin that our children seem to generate!

I’m a SEN mum.
I am tired. Tired of fighting for my children to get similar chances to others. Tired of “but he doesn’t look autistic”. No, but you’re not the one dealing with an imploding child and worrying desperately about their mental health.
I’m a SEN mum.
I will keep supporting my children. Because I have to.
But I worry that one day the exhaustion will take over me.

Oh this. I'm mum to a physically disabled young man who is also developmentally delayed. And during his lifetime SN, SEN, Additional Needs, Learning disabilities etc etc has all been hijacked to become shorthand for Autistic. He isn't bloody autistic. Other "conditions" exist!!

Some chuckles and sympathy here.

I'm a SEN mum. Of course we've tried that. And that. And that. Yes, that too.

Of course I haven't shared on FB that we've had the police round 10 times this year - what would you have done? Suggested we try mindfulness? Told us about your neighbour's child who has the same disability but is doing a PhD?

Of course my child won't be accepted in the "quiet session" because he's never quiet. I'm sure all you sensitive self-diagnosed adults who have a fainting fit when your pronouns are disrespected or anyone speaks above a whisper find it very helpful but my loud preteen will not.

@starfishmummy oh yes, everyone has to be autistic these days don't they! We collect diagnoses but that one hasn't been added to the collection (yet - I'm not sure it will be).

I’m a SEN Mum, yes he has actual diagnosed ADHD, he’s not naughty (he’s not naughty in the slightest he just can’t focus, because you know, ADHD)

I’m a SEN mum and no, I don’t want to hear you tell me I’m wrong for medicating my child. Are you a paediatric neurodevelopmental psychiatrist? No? Well then FUCK OFF

I’m a SEN mum and I’m terrified for my son’s future

I’m a SEN mum. He has a neurodevelopmental condition: he doesn’t need “firmer” parenting. He works SO bloody hard EVERY single day to try and fit in to a neurotypical world. He’s bloody amazing

Oh and I’m not KCC but fuck me. A couple of my friends are. They’re unbelievable 🤬🤬

I'm an SEN mum and...

No I'm not over anxious.

No it's not just a stage they all go through.

No he's not picking up on my anxiety.

No you don't know what it's like because your child can also be shy.

No I'm not angry with the school, just asking hard questions.

No I don't believe you're untrustworthy, I just don't think my child is ready for the day trip and sleepover you've planned.

No my child doesn't rule the roost, I just know what expectations are reasonable.

No I'm not reluctant to let my child grow up.

No I'm not a snob for knowing my child would be eaten alive at the local comprehensive site to an absence of street smarts.

Yes of course I went home and sobbed when my child spent a birthday party staring at the wall because no, I'm not in denial and no, the sobbing was not because I selfishly want my child to be perfect.

Yes, of course I have gone without holidays, treats and time off to pay for private diagnoses, coaching and resources.

Yes of course I would like it if my child's table manners were better.

Yes of course I feel awful that my child has to do hours of extra work and interventions instead of playing.

Yes of course I miss the time I've missed with my other children but I had to make some hard decisions.

Yes of course I would have liked a career.

I’m a SEN mum but sorry I hate the phrase SEN mum and autism mum, it’s misleading and sounds like it’s all about the mum or it’s the mum with SEN.
i am a mum of a SEN, autistic child.

I'm a SEN mum and I needed this thread today.

I'm a SEN mum who's DD couldn't go to school today.

I'm a SEN mum who sobbed in the supermarket today because she's given everything she can yet nothing changes.

I'm a SEN mum who is exhausted from explaining and nobody listening.

I am a mum of an autistic, SEN child and I feel like I have to fight for everything, I wonder if I will ever not be exhausted.

I'm an SEN Mum, I'm a single parent with no family support nearby (my parents just moved 9 hours away)
I'm an SEN mum, my bf of 18 months just broke up with me rather than deal with the prospect of living with me and my son
I'm an SEN mum, no he isn't just "being stroppy"
I'm an SEN Mum - it's not a case of "won't", it's "can't" - can't cope with busy places, can't walk down the path where we want to go, can't get dressed for school on time every day... etc etc

I'm a SEN mum, I'm exhausted from constant battles with the LA.
I'm a SEN mum, I'm broken with the constant battles with a school system that doesn't work.
I'm a SEN mum, I'm constantly in battle with a SENCO that doesn't have a clue.
I'm a SEN mum, I'm tired from the constant stream of paperwork, emails and phone calls.
I'm a SEN mum, and no, she won't eat it when she's hungry.
I'm a SEN mum, no she can't just 'put up' with the loud, crowded busy spaces even if it means I need to take several trips.
I'm a SEN mum, no she doesn't need more discipline.
I'm a SEN mum, I will never stop fighting for my children no matter how exhausted and broken I am.
I am a SEN mum and my daughter is AWESOME!

I'm an SEN mum and...

no, she won't "just have to learn to..." whatever it is you think she can't do. As she has a severe LEARNING disability, and at 14yrs old still hasn't learnt it yet and may never.

no, she won't eat it if she's hungry enough, she doesn't have the understanding or executive function to relate feeling hungry if she's food refusing.

no, she won't let you help her put her jumper, socks, coat on if she doesn't want to, even if she gets cold enough. The sensory issues override her realising she's cold.

no, she won't be fine doing whatever you think a NT child can manage, I'm not being over anxious, I'm trying to stop a meltdown and her hurting anyone.

I'm a SEN mum and no, we don't have any family support. Friends? You're joking, right?
Babysitting for an evening course we both must attend you say? Are you planning to provide it?

I'm a SEN mum - I know more about my childs condition then any geneticist in the world.
I'm a SEN mum - I worry my child will die before me, I worry even more that I will die first and they will have to live without me here to care for them.
I'm a SEN mum - I am broken
I'm a SEN mum - its easier to stay home and not make plans as it saves me feeling disappointed when it goes wrong
I'm a SEN mum - I would literally do anything to make my child happy. It breaks my heart that I can't always do that.

I'm an SEN mum and no we're not all a little bit autistic.

I'm an SEN mum and yes he does 'look normal', whatever that means.

I'm an SEN mum and things others take for granted like a trip need careful planning with social stories and photos.

I'm an SEN mum and I spend so much time going to meetings and appointments sometimes it's like a second job.

I'm an SEN mum and I spend so much money on therapies for my child I wish I had a second job.

I'm an SEN mum and I cry every time I find out there's been another birthday party he wasn't invited to. Sometimes he finds out at school and he cries, too.

I'm an SEN mum and hardly any mums talk to me at his (mainstream) school after a lot of misunderstandings and gossip. This hurts.

I'm an SEN mum and I'm terrified my little boy will be overwhelmed by negative thoughts and I won't be there in the few minutes it takes to do something irreversible.

I'm an SEN mum and I have stopped talking to non SEN parents about my son as they are not able to relate and few want to.

If you aren't an ND mum, and you are reading this, ask us questions, listen but please don't say we're all a little bit autistic/ADHD/OCD etc.: maybe you are, but most people aren't. Don't recommend supplements, God, sticker charts or whatever works for you: our children are wired differently. Don't say the child looks normal: he shouldn't have to wear a badge to make things easier for you.