"I'm an SEN mum"

[drspouse]

Of course my child goes to a school you haven't heard of.

Of course I have a full pack of complaint letters in my back pocket.

Of course I'll leap on you to exchange stories if you're another SEN parent.

Of course I know what all the acronyms stand for, DLA, EHCP, AR, LEA, we've got it all.

Of course the LEA doesn't bother providing my child with the education they are legally entitled to.

Of course I don't want to discuss your child's grammar school application. No, not their prom dress or school trip woes either.

(Feel free to continue in the TikTok vein, if you have contradictory experiences just put them down, no need for discussion, this is Chat not AIBU!)

I’m a SEN mum and helpful people around me have access to a different google where they can look up all the answers and give me unsolicited advise about my sons condition which I clearly hadn’t though of before.
I'm a SEN mum and I’m pretty sure the school SENCO has no idea what she’s doing.
I’m a SEN mum and now think certain health professionals are just blagging it.
I’m a SEN mum and we get the filthiest looks for using a disabled badge as none of us ‘look’ disabled.
Im a SEN mum who took the LA and DWP to tribunal and won both times even though I shouldn’t have had to.
Im a SEN mum and I’m a WARRIOR!

@BetrayedAuntie

Just asking, what in my post do you find funny? Because I can absolutely assure you that there is very little that's actually funny when you've got a child with complex SEMH (I.e. social, emotional and behavioural) needs. It took me YEARS to get him in the correct provision- and even then I am absolutely terrified this is going to be taken away from us at the next review.

I can't speak for others here but I can speak for myself. Caring for my son has been to the detriment of my own needs and then some. I'm definitely not laughing about the fact that caring for my child has knocked a good few years off my life expectancy.

Have a little bit of compassion, please.

I am a disabled person and had an SEN mum who had to fight for me.

We (or almost all) do love you even if we don’t show it and it feels the opposite.

(I know that I am also an example of a disabled person who is high functioning. I know a lot of you have DC with a very different experience and life chances and you have a very different burden of life long care to NV children or one with profound mental or physical disabilities.)

I am a SEN Mum - please do not send me the Holland poem its not helpful.
Please don't say ' I don"t know how you cope' but don't offer any help.
I love my son - but it is very very hard.

What?!

@penjil you cheer them on. It makes no difference to me. It makes no difference to them, they’ll do what they like regardless.

At least the wreckage that used to resemble my life and mental health are useful to someone. Live a day, walk a mile and then judge me and laugh at me.

I am an SEN mum. I thought we’d somehow managed and had a couple of good years, more fool me.
I am an SEN mum and I know the neighbours have all seen the police and ambulance visits and pretend not to.

@BetrayedAuntie offensive? Can you elaborate?

What a shame that there's always one.

I reported that post and suggested they ban that vile person.

I'm an SEN mum...

Yes we do need the blue badge and disabled toilet radar key

Yes my 8 year old is still in nappies but I cried when my 10 year old started using the toilet

Yes I do need to take the LEA to court if necessary to get a suitable school place

Yes my husband and I have had one evening out together in over 3 years

I have no idea what adulthood holds for them

I am an SEN mum and a big portion of everything I've read on this thread resonates. 🧡

@AmIOrAmntI luckily my private therapist didn't say she would have to call safeguarding.
@tothelefttotheleft I LOLed at "yes I've tried lavender".

I'm a SEN mum. Of course I carry controlled drugs in my handbag and I can titrate them against melatonin.

@100sAnd1000s solidarity here. I remember an awful nativity where my DS just sat in his chair at the front and rocked with his hands over his ears while the others danced and sang in their cute costumes. It was honestly heartbreaking.

I'm a SEN mum and no I haven't failed as a parent because my DC haven't met the usual milestones of independence in their teens.

I'm a SEN mum and actually despite being in lower sets at school my DC probably worked to a higher % of their capacity than yours did.

I'm an SEN mum, no, DD doesn't look normal, she is normal.

I'm an SEN mum, and yes, she is very well behaved, SEN doesn't equal bad behaviour.

I'm an SEN mum and yes, that adult sized child is screaming and flapping because her top feels weird even though it was fine an hour ago. Stop staring ffs!

I'm an SEN mum, no DD cannot go to the park without me. No, I am not failing her by not letting her pop to the shops or not teaching independence. She will do these things in her own time but she currently has the safety awareness of a 6yo. Would you let a 6yo out unsupervised?

I'm a SEN mum and I am so alone. As are my children.

Tbf sometimes SEN can result in very challenging behavior with children with comp!ex disabilities but that doesn't mean they are intentionally being badly behaved
My son is nearly 14 and has very limited understanding of the world around him and being completely non verbal and only able to use very basic communication methods he struggles to get his needs met
Completely agree though the all children with SEN are different and some won't have challenging behavior.

Thank you ALLchangename354

Both a heart breaking and heart warming thread at the same time.

I'm an SEN mum and I'm struggling to come to terms with it.

I'm an SEN mum and I can do this.

I'm a SEN mum, of course I'm having therapy to come to terms with all the blaming I did of myself.

I'm a SEN mum, of course I am juggling home schooling with my job.

I'm a SEN mum, of course I attend at least one appointment a week.

I'm a SEN mum, of course we have to build up to any changes with as much notice as possible.

I'm a SEN mum, of course I will answer 34 questions per minute.

I'm a SEN mum, of course I have experienced parental burnout but had to carry on.

Anothet mum of DC with SEN nodding along to many of these

Oh thank goodness. I thought I was the only one.

It was trotted out at everything I went to when ds was small and each person thought they were the only One to ever tell it to people.

I’m a SEN mum and I don’t belong anywhere. I have no community, I have no real friends and apart from my mum (and DH), that’s it. Some days I think the loneliness will drown me.

I’m a SEN mum and when people say “I don’t know how you do it”. I nod along and smile politely. In my head, I’m screaming “because I don’t have any choice and you’re not going to fucking help me”.

I’m a SEN mum and don’t recognise myself in the mirror. I don’t know how this became my life.

Thank you for writing this. For some reason it really touched me.