Son eating us out of house and home

[Mumof118]

DS 19 eats everything and anything. He doesn’t leave anything for anyone else and doesn’t replace. He also infuriatingly doesn’t even let you know it’s gone or add it to the Alexa shopping list.

Example: Friday evening I buy 6 pints of milk. I just go to decant a bit to take to work and it’s all gone. Every last drop. I was even at the Supermarket at 3pm and could have bought more if he added it to the Alexa list

Another example, I go to get a cake from a pack of four for dessert. All gone.

A pack of eight wraps. All used up along with the cheese.

Am I being unreasonable getting upset with him. He thinks I am.

Is he using steroids at the gym?

Why do you ask?

This is what comes of letting kids help themselves from the fridge from an early age.

My kids have helped themselves from an early age . There are boundaries. I definitely wasn't going to be making everyone's lunch during lockdown. They're much better cooks than I ever was at that age now.

So I would disagree.

I’ve a 6ft food goblin.

What works here in a snack box. It gets filled with foods such as canned spaghetti hoops, favourite soup, instant ramen, jelly to make yourself, tomato mug shot pasta thingies. Essentially foods the goblin can eat between meals if they are hungry. Ok it’s not the best foods but DC is dyspraxic and adhd so easy to make, few steps as possible but substantial snacks works for DC.

there’s also the fruit bowl they’re allowed to eat whenever and I buy UHT milk for their milkshake straw obsession. I also batch cook fruit muffins that go in the freezer. To slow down eating of them but means they’re always available.

it works for us here. The fridge is largely left intact. If DC wants something sweet they’ll make the instant jelly and wait. It’s teaching a bit of patience. Delayed gratification.

again this works for us, might work for you with different things.

He’s literally you son - is there any point in shaming the poor boy for eating too much. I really dislike this type of attitude.
fair enough to gently teach him - essentially though we all learn these things through time and experience and it doesn’t help to have someone, let alone your mum, make you feel embarrassed about this.

The issue isn’t that he’s eating everything, the issue is that he’s being selfish and not telling the OP what he’s done and what needs replacing.

He's 19 - he's an adult not a child. If he's not studying this year, he should find a job, even if it's collecting glasses.

it is bollocks, cos they do it at school, or when a situation is dangerous

Shaming her son would be posting his name and photo and her complaint to the local Facebook group

And I suspect that op has gently suggested a few times already that he should make a note of what he has finished off

Gently doesn't always cut it

Would there be a suitable job for him with the Royal Mail or Tesco, OP? He would be busy and active.

https://jobs.royalmailgroup.com/

https://www.tesco-careers.com/search-and-apply/

Actually, this is not ok, at all. His attitude. His lack of thought for others, lack of respect. My 2 x ds's eat an awful lot. I cook huge dinners, with loads of leftovers, and there's tonnes of bagels, chicken, turkey, protein, grapes, bananas. Nice bits, chocolate croissants, abc packs of 4 vanilla cheesecakes. Always tonnes of food. But I can't have that. I can't go to use milk, or have a bit of cheesecake and find it not there. Plus where's your shopping list? Where's his consideration to not put it on the list, as he starts using the last pint, in your 4 pint carton? You need to have a strong chattette, tell him this is not ok and must stop immediately.

Give him hell.

I can totally get thst he's permenantly hungry, especially if he goes to the gym, but not communicating or even asking if it's ok to eat something is out of order.

I had 2 boys and once went ape after asking my hungry hord to leave that last tomato for the next day when I needed it for my lunch, someone ate it. They had been offered alternatives but, no, my tomato was snaffled.

Yes this ^^ all day long.

They need to know what they can and can't have, or be taught to ask if it's ok.

Some MNetters think having to ask is 'awful' but it's just common politeness.

I agree @MeinKraft. I'm moving in with @sprigatito . I cook nice food, and we have tonnes of good stuff in the fridge, but hers sounds divine. Yum.

I still think asking him to buy a few bits will help.

Ds1 home from Uni at Christmas. "Blimey mum, before Uni I never realised those packs of cheese are over £5. Cheese is really expensive isn't it"?

Yes son it is.

How do you shame a selfish teenager who appears to have no shame in leaving others without, just so he's alright?

Indeed. When I was a kid, myself and my 3 hungry brothers would ask our mum any time we wanted something to eat, even if it was just a biscuit from the tin. This was ingrained in us from an early age.
We knew we could help ourselves to toast or cereal for breakfast, and we could make a sandwich for lunch but basically anything above that we asked because things may have been earmarked for other occasions/meals, or our mum would think we'd eaten too much and say no, have some water and wait til dinner!

I still do this now whenever I would visit my parents houses as an adult, its common courtesy, especially as a guest! Glad my husband was raised the same and we will be raising our children the same.
Its about being considerate of others, being respectful of the costs and time that go in to providing for a family and also learning to control your appetite.

I still do this now whenever I would visit my parents houses as an adult, its common courtesy, especially as a guest! Glad my husband was raised the same and we will be raising our children the same.

Just as an aside it's one thing managing food consumption with teens and kids but a lot of people now have young working, post uni adults living at home.

You know, the ones who are trying to rent or saving for a mortgage or can't afford anywhere. They also have adult appetites and schedules that probably don't run along the same lines as the rest of the house.

It's a whole new level of management.

The drinking vast quantities of milk is typical of young men trying to bulk up at the gym - its cheap protein. Its completely unnecessary.

Unnecessary for what exactly?
It's pretty necessary for bulking. And a good way to do it. How do you know what this lad's aims are physically?

Unnecessary for being healthy and alive. Its a lifestyle & cosmetic choice to want to bulk up physically with daily gym sessions etc, and if he's unemployed he can't afford the high calorie diet required to service that. Given he's only 19 it would be unusual for him to be self sufficient and buy all his own food, but its not a given his mum needs to provide a high calorie high protein diet suitable for someone trying to bulk up with a heavy gym routine. She can just provide a normal diet to meet the calorie needs of a normal healthy 19 year old. What he is eating is beyond that.

Do teenage boys really need that many more calories? My DSSs never consumed masses of food, nor my siblings or uni friends. It's only on MN.

If you look on NHS it isn't a significant amount more. My theory is, many people are overeating themselves, therefore believe boys need far more, based on their own consumption.

I'd be continually sending him out to top up. He won't understand the value of things until you do this. Not just the cost of food, but time, planning, what you do for him.

She can just provide a normal diet to meet the calorie needs of a normal healthy 19 year old. What he is eating is beyond that.

😂😂😂👌🏼

" I'm only providing you with the 'normal' calorie requirements, sweetheart. So about 2,000 ish? "

God alive, fair enough he buys his own protein powder and replaces the milk but really?

Stock up on nuts and bananas. Tell him that's all he can have between meals

"This is what comes of letting kids help themselves from the fridge from an early age."

No it isn't. It's what cones of not teaching them from an early age that they are part of a community where people, whatever their age, look out for and care for each other. We're a family of 4. None of us would dream of eating all 4 of anything-we would think "Ah, one each. Shall I have mine now or later?"

Sunglasses 6pints of milk in two days, 4 desserts, a whole pack of 8 wraps and a whole pack of cheese? This is excessive when its on top of ordinary family meals. No one needs four desserts in 2 days.

An active teenage boy could need 2600 to 3200 calories a day

A typical mum needs 1800

That's quite a big difference

LuciferRising you are correct. It really isn't that much more unless you are servicing an intense gym/workout regime and have a lot muscle bulk. He can't afford either and they are not essential