Son eating us out of house and home

[Mumof118]

DS 19 eats everything and anything. He doesn’t leave anything for anyone else and doesn’t replace. He also infuriatingly doesn’t even let you know it’s gone or add it to the Alexa shopping list.

Example: Friday evening I buy 6 pints of milk. I just go to decant a bit to take to work and it’s all gone. Every last drop. I was even at the Supermarket at 3pm and could have bought more if he added it to the Alexa list

Another example, I go to get a cake from a pack of four for dessert. All gone.

A pack of eight wraps. All used up along with the cheese.

Am I being unreasonable getting upset with him. He thinks I am.

If he goes to the gym that much he should probably be having protein shakes

Some of these replies are wild!

there’s a a lot of pretty reasonable ground to cover before you have to put him on a reduced calorie diet and demand he ask for permission for even a biscuit 😮

i assume - having two teen boys myself - from the tone of your post this is a lack of consideration rather than a budget issue.

My DSs (sporty, slim, hollow legs) don’t seem to stop eating and can be inconsiderate. The only thing that makes a discernible difference is:

all DC cook one dinner a week. The first time someone has taken a key ingredient and they have to fetch more or go short is a lightbulb moment

we also have a Alexa (paper and pen on fridge would work just as well!) and I ask them to add anything used to list. Anything critical (bread/milk/etc) if they take last they have to replace promptly.

it’s not perfect. Sometime we run out of stuff, sometimes someone has to nip to shops, but everyone is fed well, no one is having to ask permission to eat and no one is having to reduce their food intake unnecessarily.

Getting out and going to the gym feels like a positive healthy thing to do when mine have had time on their hands in between jobs etc. It's sociable, good for their mental health and fitness and gives them a routine .

I don't know about your relationship with your DS but I try to support mine and their interests.

That's not the same as doing everything for them or not setting boundaries.

Some of the advice on here is almost like you're dealing with a stranger and not close family.

Also this lad has only been unemployed since Christmas ! And it's the 15th of Jan. 😂

He’s literally you son - is there any point in shaming the poor boy for eating too much. I really dislike this type of attitude.
fair enough to gently teach him - essentially though we all learn these things through time and experience.

He is 19! He should have learned to consider others before taking all the food a lot lot earlier. My 7 year old checks before using things up.

Sunglasses 6pints of milk in two days, 4 desserts, a whole pack of 8 wraps and a whole pack of cheese? This is excessive when its on top of ordinary family meals. No one needs four desserts in 2 days.

@VenhamousSnake

Course not.

But being selfish and not thinking about others is a different matter to how hungry he is and how much food he might need.

Posters are complicating the two.

This is what comes of letting kids help themselves from the fridge from an early age

WTF?!

id much rather be occasionally frustrated that there’s no milk left than participate in a family that prohibits children and adults alike from eating freely or without permission. Hideous.

YANBU

I have 2 teenage boys so I know they can eat a lot but he’s just a greedy oaf.

you shouldn’t have to but start hiding non perishables and get locking boxes for the fridge.

Why is it hideous to ask for permission before eating something? Really, why?

He is 19! He should have learned to consider others before taking all the food a lot lot earlier. My 7 year old checks before using things up.

Do you have a teen that age?

He certainly should consider others. And check. Exactly.

But that's completely different to how many calories he might need or the food he's going through.

I have a 19 year old DS. And, yes, sometimes he chomps through what I consider to be a huge amount of food.

But he is aware that
-some food can be freely eaten
-some food is for dinners for everyone so is not be touched
-some food can be eaten but is for everyone to share so he doesn't scoff the lot.

Continuous repetition of these (possibly the fact that I did start at an earlier age made it easier than trying to impose rules at 19) from when he was old enough to start taking his own food has meant that they are drilled in.

He also shares the cooking so understands the frustration of not having a cooking ingredient that he wants and therefore the sense of sticking to this.

"Why is it hideous to ask for permission before eating something? Really, why?"

Well, in my family, it's because we're a community, we look after each other, and we share. Food is not owned by anybody. It's common property.

This all sounds delicious. My brother was the same. I have all this to come. Fruit and buscuits fly out in our house.

A banana or a small tub of cottage cheese is good for instantly curbing hunger. Carbohydrates are not so good for that purpose. And he needs to learn to eat slowly. If you gobble, you don't register satiety.

This is just silly.

At the moment he is eating family food. When he is in halls, he will eat his own food, not other people’s.

My 19yo DS is a bit messy in the kitchen, when he is home. He has to be asked to do things, like empty the dishwasher, although he does then do them without fuss.

However, he shares a flat in halls with 3 other people. He ends up having to tidy up after them, because they will leave the kitchen as a tip, and if he wants to cook something he has to do it. He is also the only one who takes out the recycling.

It's no wonder there are so many posts on here from exasperated women about the selfish men they've married....

LuciferRising you are correct. It really isn't that much more unless you are servicing an intense gym/workout regime and have a lot muscle bulk. He can't afford either and they are not essential

😂😂

Do you have teenagers, older children ?

Do you get how fitness, a physical routine etc can be really good for mental health, self esteem and physical health ? Or how some people just really enjoy it. 🤷‍♀️

Will you paring your 7 year old back to 'the essentials' when they hit 18?

Communal courtesy is to be expected tom them. Drinking all the milk is not that.

But you talk like you have different feelings for a child once they hit 18.

It's no wonder there are so many posts on here from exasperated women about the selfish men they've married....

Well mine have unlimited access ( with boundaries ) and have learnt to feed themselves and take responsibility for what they consume. And it's a lot. They are better cooks than I was.

It doesn't all work one way @CurlewKate.

@sunglassesonthetable I think you're agreeing with me!

One of the best ways to learn about common property is understanding that you can't just take what you want without considering others first.

Perhaps I grew up poorer than you 'free for all' folks but most parents don't just have unlimited money to spend on food and 'topping up' because someone wanted to eat all the fruit or cheese or snacks in the house.

Are you a community of mind readers? “Can I eat this bacon or were you planning to use it for dinner later?” isn’t an unreasonable question, surely?

@sunglassesonthetable

well yes, your feelings about your offspring and how you view them do change. You’re not going to see them at 19 in the same way you did when they were 7 (or you shouldn’t anyway because it’s not healthy for you or them to still treat them as a child when they are actually an adult). We all have to grow up sometime, take responsibility for ourselves and be considerate of others even within our own family.

well yes, your feelings about your offspring and how you view them do change. You’re not going to see them at 19 in the same way you did when they were 7 (or you shouldn’t anyway because it’s not healthy for you or them to still treat them as a child when they are actually an adult). We all have to grow up sometime, take responsibility for ourselves and be considerate of others even within our own family.

Your kids growing up and taking responsibility. Totally. 👍🏻 You're there to help them do that.

You paring them back to what is "essential for life " . Ie increased calories for gym.
🙄

@sunglassesonthetable

6 pints of milk and four desserts over 2 days are not essential for a gym goer.

I am with @CurlewKate and others.

Fridge is pretty much open to all , with the exception of things which are obviously recipe ingredients for the evening and also some treats which are meant for the family or - all the milk / bread / cheese etc if you finish it at least say so or preferably replace it in case people want a coffee / tea / slice of toast and there just isn't any. Or shout up - can I have this last bacon / eggs I think it is basic good manners and part of living in a family. I would be more annoyed about the attitude than the amount of food. As I think you are @Mumof118 . I do know teenagers can have hollow legs , they don't need to have blank minds.

@Menomeno "Are you a community of mind readers? “Can I eat this bacon or were you planning to use it for dinner later?” isn’t an unreasonable question, surely?"

That's not asking permission. That's part of sharing and cooperating.