Son eating us out of house and home

[Mumof118]

DS 19 eats everything and anything. He doesn’t leave anything for anyone else and doesn’t replace. He also infuriatingly doesn’t even let you know it’s gone or add it to the Alexa shopping list.

Example: Friday evening I buy 6 pints of milk. I just go to decant a bit to take to work and it’s all gone. Every last drop. I was even at the Supermarket at 3pm and could have bought more if he added it to the Alexa list

Another example, I go to get a cake from a pack of four for dessert. All gone.

A pack of eight wraps. All used up along with the cheese.

Am I being unreasonable getting upset with him. He thinks I am.

There is no way I’d charge him rent unless you’re desperate for the money. He’s going to need every penny for university

@sunglassesonthetable

because no one needs to have six pints of milk in two days. No one.

@SandyWaves

so what?! Most people don’t haven’t infinite money to buy so much food! No one needs to drink 6 pints of milk in 2 days , no one.
not to mention the fact he is eating all the food and leaving none for anyone else - that is selfish.

Where I am from, children are NOT allowed to go in the fridge and eat everything they want!. I'm sure you will find that's true of most cultures around the world.

If he is so hungry all the time, I would make him involved in the shopping. He should eat things like toast, noodles, apples, banana, cheese, baked beans, jacket potatoes etc outside of meal times.

He needs to learn to be responsible or else he will move in with a woman and become HER problem!

I agree with the poster who suggested he is taking steroids. Lots of gym time, night sweats, drinking huge amounts of milk, obsessing about food and - most worryingly - bad temper. That's worrying.

Teenage boys often have huge appetites but there's no excuse for his selfish behaviour in scoffing everything in sight and leaving no milk or wraps for anyone else. I wouldn't tolerate that sort of behaviour.

I'd read him the riot act and make it clear that he must desist, or else!

The DC know what foods are up for grabs; toast, tinned fish, fruit, beans, leftovers ,cheese etc. I keep main ingredients for planned meals in the bottom of the fridge so that eg a packet of feta wouldn't get casually opened. There is a list of planned meals on the side that they can consult if they aren't sure. They would also ask if they didn't know whether I had plans for a particular foodstuff. I get that teenagers and young adults eat a lot and have food available but I would be livid if the milk or another key thing was finished in that way and not replaced , it is just inconsiderate.

@SandyWaves I would expect any adult member of a household to have the courtesy and respect to share food sensibly.

To let me know if they've eaten all of something. To let me know if there isn't enough. It's just basic good manners.

I take my teen ds shopping with me and so he understands how much food it takes to feed two active adults for a week. He understands how to meal plan, to get the best value, to avoid brands, that steak is more expensive than pork chops and therefore an occasional treat. How to make a decent supper for less than a £1. How to cook vegetarian food. The basics of good nutrition.

All of these things he will need when he shares a house or lives in halls. I refuse to raise an ignorant and entitled man.

I have two ds, similar age than yours.
They are eating that amount of food. About twice as much as what dh eats. Both of them are skinny - aka they need that amount of food.

I think saying ‘no one needs to eat that much’ is not realistic. If the OP’s ds is eating that much AND is also a healthy weight, then he needs that amount of food p/calories

The issue is HOW he is getting those calories in.
Using all the milk and not letting people know/replacing it is not ok. Same with the cheese etc….

In our house, the problem is solved by making bigger portions for the meals. Usually including lots of pulses and carbs.
Buying snacks for them (so they don’t use the stuff I bought for the meals).
Freezing a lot if the things (when milk is on the freezer it’s much harder to use it as liberally as the ds did!).
Having stuff available (and planned) fir a big lunch - not a two slice of bread and a bit if Han sandwich.

Id also send him to the shop to replace items such as milk etc….

@Meadowfinch fully agree there. This needs to be in place too!

@JustExistingNotLiving Definitely a good idea to freeze things. 😀

I've read all OPs comments but not the rest, so forgive if this has already been stated.

Ask your son how he imagines his life if he goes to uni, first in halls, then in shared flats. What will his flat mates' reactions be when they get back, only to discover he's eaten their food, drunk their milk? Will he be Mr Popular?

You have several issues here, OP. One is that he consumes everything as though it's his alone. This is presumably expensive for you. Another is that he doesn't communicate that there's no milk, bread, bacon whatever left. He doesn't even bother to add it to a list. He's in a little bubble all of his own & nobody else matters. This needs stopping now. Good luck.

Ok first of all, $70 a month is an absolute joke. That’s roughly $2.30 a day. What on earth does that cover?!!
And as soon as he uses the last of something, HE goes out and replaces it. Not you and not tomorrow but the same day. He’s honestly taking the Mickey big time and knows you’ll allow it 😩

because no one needs to have six pints of milk in two days. No one.

It's about calories. You don't know how many calories he needs, full stop.

Also you said " he doesn't need that much food "
Which you have no idea about.

OP needs to guide her DS on how to get the calories in an appropriate way ( not drinking all the milk for example ( that doesn't leave the household short. He should also replace basics.

@LuckySantangelo35

You are not helping him by making food magically appear. Why can't he bring the food out of the freezer. He will expect his future other half to do all this. Make him shop and cook.

I think he will grow out of it, at that age DS once wolfed down entire six pack of crisps in the time it took me to put huge roast Sunday lunch on the plates. Ham would disappear from the fridge and nothing left except the strip of white fat torn off and lying in the bag. Empty orange juice cartons left in the fridge with soggy bits all around the pouring area because it has been drunk straight out of the carton. DS Student at the time, so no household contribution. I used to buy chicken breasts by the kilo and cook them and leave them in the fridge for snacking. He “ forgot” to mention things that needed replacing. it did go on for sometime, a few years, but he just grew out of it. I used to make large Bolognese or chilli con carne with 500 g good mince and leave them in huge bowls in the fridge for snacking. I think it’s just a growth spurt.

And yes, DS has never been overweight. At the time he played large amounts of rugby or football (at least an hour a day). Now he works hard at a desk and lunches out for business stuff so a little bit of extra around his middle - he’s nearly 40 but he seems to get away with it.

My almost 17 year old went through a phase of just helping himself... a stern conversation about being able to eat what he likes but only if its not part of a planned meal was all it took. Now he always asks if something is a snack or not.

I don’t know many parents that will insist their adult children ask for food! They are not 5 years old, yes he needs to be more considerate if it’s the last one etc

I don’t agree that you are making them think food appears magically by keeping the fridge stocked….. I see why this could happen but DS now nearly 40 and married with DS of his own. DD-in -law works FT so DS does all the cooking in their household…. All the food, shopping, food, prep and cooking - DS living independently in his own flat 300 miles away from parents for a decade before his marriage, and from then on, he just got on with it and learnt to stock his fridge and cook for himself, even graduating to cooking and stocking the fridge for our visits. It’s just a natural progression of becoming an adult and it can take into the early 20s

There's two things going on.

At 19 he's an adult in law - but he's not yet a grown up. Men don't stop growing until they're in their 20s so he's a nuclear reactor needing fuel. Especially if he's exercising.

This doesn't always go down well with mumsnetters, but at 19 his brain isn't yet fully matured and he's also partly thinking and behaving like an adolescent.

Calm, clear, repetitive messaging about how a fit young man not in education or work with cash in the bank needs to be contributing to the household he shares.

It's pure greed and selfish centredness😩

Immature and Selfish

@sunglassesonthetable

no one needs that many calories 🤷‍♀️

So he didn't have to be responsible for food buying and prep but learnt all of a sudden when he moved out?. That's great, but it's the exception, not the rule. A lot of men like this move straight from hone in with a significant other so they have no time to learn. Its lucky your son lived alone for a while without depending on a female