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Original poster

5 days to make him fancy me!

437 replies

Workdate · 12/01/2024 18:46

I am very aware that I sound like a love smitten 12 year old!

There is a guy at my work who I have a massive crush on.
He is gorgeous and we get on very well.

I will not go in to too much detail as it’s outing but it is against the rules to have a relationship with clients.

I have kept the relationship professional and I have to be very careful about what I say because I could lose my job over it (no man is worth that), so there’s a big chance that he has no idea that I fancy him.

The issue is is that he’s leaving on Friday.

Once he leaves, it would be less frowned upon to have a relationship but we would have no way of contacting each other, unless we found one another on SM but both of us may think that it’s overstepping the mark.

I don’t know if he even likes me, so my first question is how would I know this?

My second question is what can I do to make him like me/ensure he knows I like him without it being unprofessional?

My third question is if it turns out we both like each other, how can we meet outside of work, without discussing it during work which is against the rules?

OP posts:
Original poster
Workdate · 12/01/2024 21:17

2024GarlicCloves · 12/01/2024 21:10

I wasn't sure what to think about this. It's unusual for a service provider to lock interpersonals down this hard unless there's a definite risk, beyond reputational damage. A therapist, say, having a relationship with an EX-client might raise an eyebrow but it happens often enough - nobody gets fired.

If you were just teaching them archery or something, a staff-client relationship really wouldn't hurt anyone's reputation. Even if you work in sex services, I can't imagine it being seen as worse than a therapist following through, tbh.

So I'm as baffled as PPs here ... Then you wrote this:

We like many of the same things, even things that are quite unusual and we have regularly had discussions about our interests.
For example, we both enjoy reading certain genres and we’ve both bought the same book to read over the weekend and we’re going to catch up on Monday to discuss it.

It's a relationship red flag (or deep pink, at least). You only know each other in a professional sense, yet have managed to bond over shared niche interests. What are the odds, huh? You're reading the same book! Wow, it's fate! You must be star-crossed matched souls, and must overcome the obstacles to being together ...

I feel your work does create more potential for harm than you've indicated, and this is the very good reason for the blanket ban. I think you're being naïve and he's targeted you.

There's nothing stopping you going to one of the places/events he's 'accidentally' mentioned while bonding over all your mutual passions, where you'll both be all swoony over how it must've been 'meant'. But I wouldn't. I'd just enjoy the coming week's (contrived) simmering attraction and then get back to work as normal.

What are the odds, huh? You're reading the same book! Wow, it's fate! You must be star-crossed matched souls, and must overcome the obstacles to being together

We’re only reading the same book as we enjoy similar books and talking about them, amongst other things.
And a new book has recently come out and we were both talking about it and that we were going to get it and then we made a plan to both read it over the weekend and discuss it on Monday.

Its a very mutual friendship.
Its not me talking and him just agreeing or vice versa.
We just genuinely have quite niche interests and talk about it, which you couldn’t do unless you’ve watched the particular show/read the particular book etc.

But that doesn’t mean he’s not playing me or taking advantage of me.

Many of these men are very good looking and charming and the vast majority of the team are women.
There have been many affairs and physical acts on site and so they got really tough on it.

There are absolutely some men who are playing the women and just having their fun.

OP posts:
Fullofxmascbeer · 12/01/2024 21:20

You won’t turn up on the off chance so you can’t blame him if he doesn’t, even if he likes you. You could make sure he knows your middle name in general conversation and then set up a Facebook/ instagram/ Snapchat page with your full name including your middle name. Might make you easier to find?

beatrix1234 · 12/01/2024 21:21

Eyesopenwideawake · 12/01/2024 18:48

"Would love to catch up with you next week. Would you like my number?"

Yes - fab.
No - well at least you know.

This with bells.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
Mirabai · 12/01/2024 21:21

If he wasn’t leaving it would be out of bounds, but as he is you can say if he’d like to stay in touch here’s your card. Then it’s entirely up to him.

There are rules for a reason but the fact is well-adjusted people do meet in such circumstances and go on to form healthy functioning relationships, the rules are there to protect people from abuse.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 12/01/2024 21:26

Workdate · 12/01/2024 19:00

I’m not allowed to give him my number or ask for his!

I want to let him know that I like him without being too obvious in case he doesn’t feel the same way.

Then if I think he does feel the same way, come up with an idea of how we can ‘meet’ outside of work after Friday, which we will then be allowed to swap numbers.

What do you actually think is going to happen if you ask him for that just before you leave on his last day?

is he a client or a colleague as I am not sure I grasp the relationship here

where the bloody helll do you work that people aren’t allowed to exchange numbers? MI5? You do realise your work don’t own you.

Peachy2005 · 12/01/2024 21:27

If he feels the same, he will find a way. He could slip a note into your hand on the last day with his details, for example. If he cant find a way, take it that he’s not that bothered.

You can’t make the move here, as it’s too much of a professional risk.

incidentally, my mum was originally dating a friend of my Dad’s. He managed to pass a note to her while on a night out. The rest is history!

MaggieNextDoor · 12/01/2024 21:30

Slip him a note with your phone number on, on his final day. See what happens next.

Is it a healthcare role? Do you have a governing body? Surely once you’re no longer directly caring for him (if that’s the case) you’d be fine to get in touch.

Boopeedoop · 12/01/2024 21:31

Drop into conversation which pub you will be in on Friday evening, give him a smile and a wink.

Mirabai · 12/01/2024 21:32

A friend of mine met her DH in a similar scenario - she was in a relationship at the time. At the end of the work thing, as they were leaving, her now DH asked if she was single. When she said no handed her his card and said “get in touch if you ever are”.

She didn’t anything of it at the time but when she split she did call him.

FaiIureToLunch · 12/01/2024 21:32

So he’s either a prisoner or a rehab patient ?

big fat no.

Bethany83 · 12/01/2024 21:33

Perhaps I'm going against the grain here but I think you need to think how you will feel if you never saw him again and never tried. Would you feel regret? I think so. So sod it, I think you need to just go to somewhere where you know he will be in a few weeks, his friends place that he owns etc. if poss, go with a friend and style it out, your friend lives nearby etc. play it by ear, you can swap numbers then too. You won't have broken any rules and then what will be will be...

Polis · 12/01/2024 21:34

TooOldForThisNonsense · 12/01/2024 21:26

What do you actually think is going to happen if you ask him for that just before you leave on his last day?

is he a client or a colleague as I am not sure I grasp the relationship here

where the bloody helll do you work that people aren’t allowed to exchange numbers? MI5? You do realise your work don’t own you.

Show quote history

From one of the OP’s earlier posts…

“My role is equivalent to a PT/occupational therapist that have groups of men come in for a set period and then they leave and we get a new group.

They are not vulnerable in any way but it would look very bad for the company if the staff act inappropriately with the men and so it’s against the rules.

The men are also made aware of these rules and have to also abide by them and will be removed if there is any inappropriate behaviour (which is usually a positive thing).”

JaffaCake24 · 12/01/2024 21:38

Are you allowed to give him a leaving gift?

If yes, I'd buy another book by the same author and write your phone number on the page of the first chapter. Then your first name Initial and an x

And leave it at that.

He'll know it's your number. It's subtle and hopefully wouldn't count as against the rules as he will have left by the time he opens the book and has a look.

And you can say "do have a read of it soon, there's some amazing information in there that might change your life".

Cryptic!

BlueGrey1 · 12/01/2024 21:39

How many times are you going to see him before he leaves, do you have 2-3 appointments?
This would give us an idea of how you could put a plan together
He sounds nice so probably would t tell anyone if you gave him your number,
How about if you gave him one of your books that you have a shared interest in ( say you have read it so no need for it anymore and recommend he read it), then have your number on a piece of paper in it

LE987 · 12/01/2024 21:41

Just find him on social media after he’s left? Surely after he’s left he’s no longer a client?

BlueGrey1 · 12/01/2024 21:42

@JaffaCake24

😊 I just wrote something very similar in the post after yours …. Like minds

LittleGlowingOblong · 12/01/2024 21:43

Seriously: life’s too short and happiness too hard to find to let a special connection be jeopardised by someone else’s bureaucracy.

Alohapotato · 12/01/2024 21:44

Eyesopenwideawake · 12/01/2024 18:48

"Would love to catch up with you next week. Would you like my number?"

Yes - fab.
No - well at least you know.

This.

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 12/01/2024 21:46

I’m thinking physio to a rugby or football team or something like that??

ireallycantthinkofaname · 12/01/2024 21:46

LittleGlowingOblong · 12/01/2024 21:43

Seriously: life’s too short and happiness too hard to find to let a special connection be jeopardised by someone else’s bureaucracy.

Edited

But - especially in the case of private companies rather than NHS/military etc - normally it's put in place for a very good reason.

Pookerrod · 12/01/2024 21:47

Can’t you just connect on LinkedIn? That’s how most people who used to work together stay in touch.

Christmasnutcracker · 12/01/2024 21:48

He could be a charmer but he could just as well have clicked with you too.

Im guessing you are a physio and he’s in a sports team availing of certain treatments over a fixed session eg six weeks?

Am I on the right track?

If so I think you need to find out if he is definitely single? If he isn’t, your reputation will be on the line.

But if you’re both single and you’re no longer treating him, then there can’t be much harm surely? Particularly if you are sensible and despite being lovestruck, you sound perfectly normal 🤣

madeinmanc · 12/01/2024 21:50

Pookerrod · 12/01/2024 21:47

Can’t you just connect on LinkedIn? That’s how most people who used to work together stay in touch.

Perhaps they're something like the Special Boat Service that couldn't have LinkedIn? Because otherwise the OP would do this, I guess? 🤔

Fitandfree · 12/01/2024 21:50

What if he complained OP? Leave well alone, it sounds like you have already been obviius and crossed boundaries.

Backtoblack1 · 12/01/2024 21:50

Sounds like you have a genuine connection to me. You can’t force that and it can’t be contrived. I would add him on social media in a week or two. That’s how people communicate these days and I don’t see anything wrong with it. X