5 days to make him fancy me!

[Workdate]

I am very aware that I sound like a love smitten 12 year old!

There is a guy at my work who I have a massive crush on.
He is gorgeous and we get on very well.

I will not go in to too much detail as it’s outing but it is against the rules to have a relationship with clients.

I have kept the relationship professional and I have to be very careful about what I say because I could lose my job over it (no man is worth that), so there’s a big chance that he has no idea that I fancy him.

The issue is is that he’s leaving on Friday.

Once he leaves, it would be less frowned upon to have a relationship but we would have no way of contacting each other, unless we found one another on SM but both of us may think that it’s overstepping the mark.

I don’t know if he even likes me, so my first question is how would I know this?

My second question is what can I do to make him like me/ensure he knows I like him without it being unprofessional?

My third question is if it turns out we both like each other, how can we meet outside of work, without discussing it during work which is against the rules?

If it's forbidden then he might just have to go into the one that got away category I'm affraid. Not worth the risk. Workplaces are full of snakes who would happily shop someone in.

Is there a potential for him to turn out to be a risk/problem to you? Think really carefully about letting him know where you go and what you do

He had the ideal opportunity to ask to meet up but didn't.

It sounds as though there are a lot of very good reasons for staying well away from having more to do with this man, and you need to cool your loins and be really sensible here. If there is any chance that this could be seen as unethical you could be risking your career and livelihood for a chance to see a man who you might not want to even pursue anything with beyond a first date.

For me this wouldn’t be anywhere near worth the risks.

No not a prison.

There’s no power imbalance and all the groups come for the same block of time.

They regularly hit on the female staff and so we’re very hot on what’s appropriate and what’s not but now I’m being a hypocrite.

I have absolutely no intent to do anything whilst he’s in my work but after Friday he is back to being a normal man.

Not that I know of but obviously I don’t know him well enough to say for sure.

I would not want to say anything too obvious to him at work just incase he tries to use this against me or something.

My ideal scenario would be that in a couple of weeks after he leaves, we bump into each other and then start chatting then but it’s highly unlikely we will ever just bump into each other.

Is he in this group by choice or is it something mandated?.....
(Thinking speeding/drink driving rehab courses!)
Why not ask your regulatory body? Are you with HPC?

He’s not allowed to.

If he’s caught saying anything like that or I reported him, he’d be kicked out.

Which makes things more difficult because if I knew he wasn’t interested then I would just drop it.

Could you casually mention that you would be going to the new bar X/activity place on the following Saturday after his last session with some friends.

If you can’t give him your phone number then letting him know where you would be, might prompt him to going to.

He’s not being released from HMP on Friday is he? 🙈

Whatever the situation it doesn’t sound like it’s worth risking your job over. If someone likes you surely there would have been some signs? And if he likes you enough to try pursue anything he knows where to find you. I wouldn’t do anything while he’s still a client as that sounds too risky. You need to also think about what if he has no interest in you (or even if he does) and tells someone then word gets out workdate asks ex clients out, how would that go down with your employer? Is it worth the risk honestly?

Don't do it. I'm trying to work out what your role is - it's unusual that the group is only men. I've worked in addiction/recovery, and it's starting to sound like it might be something similar - hopefully I'm wrong, but if I'm right, then you really shouldn't go there.

Sorry this further confirms with me its wrong!!

Yes I think you are probably right.

I’ve never ever had this thought before about any of the men and even though there are many good looking ones, it never enters my head about going any further but me and him have just clicked.

Sounds well dodgy, op. Groups of men who regularly hit on the female staff to the point where they have to be warned off with threats of expulsion 😬
Presumably they’re not there by choice.

You say there is no power imbalance but there is. You must be able to see that. You are providing a service to him for whatever reason and it is you who has the power here, not him. This is wholly inappropriate and thoroughly unethical behaviour. Stop.

me and him have just clicked
Have you, though? You’re looking for tips to make him fancy you…

Could you somehow casually 'drop' into conversation how you love going to xx coffee shop on Saturday mornings to read your book or yy pub on Friday nights for pub quiz etc & see if he shows up ?

But that's lying about what her intentions are...
Men prefer directness (in general)
So say something like "I'd love to keep in touch with you! Here is my number, maybe we can meet for a drink sometime?"
give him her card

No ambiguity and also doesn't require an instant answer.

Smile, walk away (sway hips very slightly)

No nothing like that.

Without being too outing, it’s similar to a fitness retreat for sporting enthusiasts.

The men come and have a block of time where they have lessons in various things and then go.

But it’s against the rules to have any sort of relationship or inappropriate behaviour.

In other words mention places you go & when you go there so he has some chance of locating you after?

We have definitely clicked.

We like many of the same things, even things that are quite unusual and we have regularly had discussions about our interests.
For example, we both enjoy reading certain genres and we’ve both bought the same book to read over the weekend and we’re going to catch up on Monday to discuss it.

We get on very well and laugh a lot too.

But that doesn’t mean he fancies me though.

I find him physically attractive but I don’t know if he finds me physically attractive.

It all sounds very weird and it's entirely possible that he's simply making the most of his time there by being your favourite out of the current group of men.

If he wanted to see you again he will wait outside of where you work and follow you to a place he can get to talk to you without big brother watching.

This is what I was thinking but I don’t do any of these things lol and it would mean thinking of something to do and then doing them alone and waiting to see if he ever turns up, which seems a bit sad 🤦‍♀️

Give him a loan of a book!

and then he says how will I get it back to you and then you’re off to the races.

I do see what you’re saying and yes I guess there is a power imbalance in that sense.

Buy I mean there are no vulnerabilities, no age gaps, no addictions, no MH, no grief, he chooses to be there etc.

It’s not unethical, it’s just that the company doesn’t want a name for themselves because they’re quite prestigious.