5 days to make him fancy me!

[Workdate]

I am very aware that I sound like a love smitten 12 year old!

There is a guy at my work who I have a massive crush on.
He is gorgeous and we get on very well.

I will not go in to too much detail as it’s outing but it is against the rules to have a relationship with clients.

I have kept the relationship professional and I have to be very careful about what I say because I could lose my job over it (no man is worth that), so there’s a big chance that he has no idea that I fancy him.

The issue is is that he’s leaving on Friday.

Once he leaves, it would be less frowned upon to have a relationship but we would have no way of contacting each other, unless we found one another on SM but both of us may think that it’s overstepping the mark.

I don’t know if he even likes me, so my first question is how would I know this?

My second question is what can I do to make him like me/ensure he knows I like him without it being unprofessional?

My third question is if it turns out we both like each other, how can we meet outside of work, without discussing it during work which is against the rules?

Maybe start a discussion about social media and ask if he has an Instagram or Facebook? You could add him in a few weeks and see what happens!

If found please return to blah blah blah in a book?

Lend the book and ask him to email you to arrange to return it?

I don't have any dating apps but do any have a distinctive notification sound? You could make sure you get notifications (e.g. get a friend to message you with a fake account of a match when you'll be with him) while he's there and even leave it open on the screen.

Send him
An email on his last day with your number asking him for a drink - simple

Can't believe you're even asking this question. You are in a healthcare professional role and you want to ask out a service user? No matter how competent he is to make a decision, that is highly unethical, please don't give him your number or give him an indication you feel that way about him. You could make him feel very uncomfortable and ultimately lose your job. That would be on your record for your profession.

He needs to ask for YOUR number. Why chase? He’s not stupid and if he thinks of you in that way he will.

He could already fancy someone else, he could be a bit bored, he could be a bit of a player.

You already know you fancy him therefore you don’t need to do anything. What you need is know how he feels.

Is he a professional sportsman? Don't they tend to be "a girl in every port" types?

OP I think you should let this one go,you have probably worked so hard to get the career you are in,it isn't worth putting that at risk for someone you don't really know outside of a professional capacity.

Yes he can seem really nice but it's a setting where you are helping him,his life maybe completely different outside of that environment.

Someone will come along in time,just don't risk your safety or career on a fairytale of happily ever after with someone you don't know on a personal level.

Casually mention somewhere you hang out/socialise/party.

Could you say something like, 'it's been lovely getting to know you and discussing our books. You know where I am, should you wish to contact me regarding future sports training sessions or if you want any more book recommendations.

That keeps it friendly, has a hint of professionalism (you are trying to retain customers/get repeat business) and puts the ball in his court without making him feel awkward.

Alternatively spray yourself with pheromones!

I would bring a book "youve read and knew he will like" for him to read and have your details inside. Otherwise ask casually what his weekend plans are, gives him an opening to try to set up something or you tell him your plans, reading in a coffee shop around 12 and it happens to be a convenient place between your homes. If he's interested he will let you know

Ooh! I've got one!
Say you've taken up running and you'll be doing couch to 5k and starting [location name's] Parkrun next week! Then see if he turns up! And it's non-sleazy and can be explained in a respectable way. 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

It's all a bit cloak and dagger, very intriging, sounds like you'll both spontaneously combust if found out or be shot.

What's the worst that can happen if you pass your number on, on the last hour of the last day.

Other options could include homing pigeons with strict instuctions not to go near the workplace, learn Red Indian smoke signals pretend to be Pocahontas from your side of town to the other, learn morse code and buy him device when he leaves, give him a pager pretend your a doctor.

To me it sounds like you have a fear of being rejected and wish him to make the first move.
Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, I wouldn't chase after him, he knows where you are.

I personally like reading. I am generally in my local bookshop on a Saturday lunchtime. I don't see that as confidential information...

I think you're playing with fire. Best not pursue this

You sound very unprofessional.

How easy are you to find on social media / online? If he Google’s your name will he find you?

If so, I would use your shared interests that your advantage.

When you talk about the book on Monday say how much you’re going to miss having him around to talk about author/genre with. See how he responds. Does he take the hint?

If you get positive vibes, give him a book on Friday and say something like “it really is too bad I’m not going to hear what you think of this one…unless you were planning to hunt me down on Facebook or something, ha ha!”.

Or if you’re up for breaking the rules, just put your number in the book as has already been suggested.

Can you use books going forward, OP? Discuss the one you’ve both read on Monday, then suggest another and offer a way to discuss it (eg an email address)? Or suggest joining an online book group?

is this a commercial client type relationship or a relationship with a power imbalance - eg are you "caring" or "supervising" this client?

i think this makes a difference

Without being too outing, it’s similar to a fitness retreat for sporting enthusiasts.

The men come and have a block of time where they have lessons in various things and then go.
...
Many of these men are very good looking and charming and the vast majority of the team are women.

@Workdate I can't be the only poster here thinking I need to go on this retreat sharpish in search of very good looking, charming and presumably fit sporting enthusiasts!!!!

As a non-employee, we can get stuck in. Unless of course its a retreat for premiership footballers which rules me out...

When you meet on Monday say "oh your book is pristine - haha, I've got a weird habit of scribbling my email address in mine. I used to leave books in the library by accident at uni and have done it ever since in the hope of gettting it back if i lose one!"

Then loan him a book... with your email address scribbled in it

Just tell him which cafe you always go to for coffee on Sunday mornings at 10am. Then make sure you go for the next 2/3 weeks.

if he likes you he’ll be there.

That’s what I’d do anyway.

I’m not allowed to give him my number or ask for his!

Chances of him reporting you are surely slim to none, even if he doesn't fancy you.

Right?

Fitness bods all know that being a Parkrun 'tourist' is a completly normal (bordering on mundane) thing, and that travelling an hour to bag a particular letter of the alphabet or whatever, is pretty standard.

There must be some equivalent if the two of them have such compatible, niche interests and are active types...

You could always give him a book that you think he'd enjoy. Make sure that you write your name inside before you give it to him. Tell him that he doesn't have to return it to you.

That way, if he really likes you, he'll make an effort to find you. Make sure that you have a profile on LinkedIn or similar.