Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

5 days to make him fancy me!

437 replies

Workdate · 12/01/2024 18:46

I am very aware that I sound like a love smitten 12 year old!

There is a guy at my work who I have a massive crush on.
He is gorgeous and we get on very well.

I will not go in to too much detail as it’s outing but it is against the rules to have a relationship with clients.

I have kept the relationship professional and I have to be very careful about what I say because I could lose my job over it (no man is worth that), so there’s a big chance that he has no idea that I fancy him.

The issue is is that he’s leaving on Friday.

Once he leaves, it would be less frowned upon to have a relationship but we would have no way of contacting each other, unless we found one another on SM but both of us may think that it’s overstepping the mark.

I don’t know if he even likes me, so my first question is how would I know this?

My second question is what can I do to make him like me/ensure he knows I like him without it being unprofessional?

My third question is if it turns out we both like each other, how can we meet outside of work, without discussing it during work which is against the rules?

OP posts:
PerfectTravelTote · 12/01/2024 20:59

"My role is equivalent to a PT/occupational therapist that have groups of men come in for a set period and then they leave and we get a new group."

It's not appropriate.
You're going to have to let this one go.

meganorks · 12/01/2024 21:00

Could you, in the course of conversation, ask where he likes to hang out, so say where you do? Like 'oh have you been to that new bar on x street' or 'have you tried the pastries at x cafe? They are the best. I go there all the time'
Obviously it needs to be casually dropped and in conversation

RagzRebooted · 12/01/2024 21:02

It does sound like he's into you and I get why you're torn. Problem is, if he's a nice guy he probably won't do anything like hang around outside your work or come and find you, as it seems a bit stalkerish (though in films it's romantic). Unless you make it obvious, which risks your job.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
Spomsored · 12/01/2024 21:02

If you did start a friendship with him shortly after having a professional relationship would that still be regarded badly by your employer? Might you be making yourself open to an accusation of impropriety?

Seems to me you would have to leave an appropriate gap before you nonchalantly turn up to the place you know he goes. Or hope he makes contact as he knows where and when you work.

Abi86 · 12/01/2024 21:03

I’m guessing it’s a sports related activity or club. Maybe professional sportsman where the club provides classes on financial advice, media awareness, sports psychology and all sorts of related occupational and physical therapy. So…he’s a sportsman?

Newsenmum · 12/01/2024 21:03

Do you have him on LinkedIn?

you could go via that afterwards.

Tatumm · 12/01/2024 21:03

Difficult - but you share interests which is a bonus.

Are there any interest groups that might be good for you both? For example you’ve found a niche book group that meets on the first Thursday of each month at cafe x at 8pm. Or a convention coming up in the spring.

Original poster
Workdate · 12/01/2024 21:03

Meowandthen · 12/01/2024 20:52

Against the rules? A disciplinary offence? Sackable?

Is that worth it to get your leg over?

I have worked with many of these men for years and I’ve also chosen to stay single for a long time.

I am not dating right now as I’m not interested in a relationship and I’ve never thought any more of the men that I work with.

So it’s not like I’m looking for anyone.
If I want a relationship then I could just go in OLD.

This man is just different because we have made a connection, especially at a time when I’m happily single and if we had met in different circumstances then it wouldn’t even be an issue.

Its absolutely not worth risking my job over, no man is.

OP posts:
Cupcakegirl13 · 12/01/2024 21:04

It’s professional misconduct to make any kind of approach , you are a professional and he is a patient.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 12/01/2024 21:05

Give him a book that you have already read.

If all your books have 'from the library of blah blah' followed by your contact details, then surely that's neither here nor there

Inastatus · 12/01/2024 21:05

Is it not possible to give him your business card just in case you can be of any further assistance? …

VeryHungrySeaCucumber · 12/01/2024 21:06

Absolutely not.

If he wants to find you, he will. Even then it might not be deemed appropriate, and I am not sure if I deem it appropriate because we don't have all the info, so be very careful with respect to ethics, and your job.

If you are sure that ethically there is no impediment, then you could make sure that your social media including LinkedIn is easy to find and makes your profession or place of work clear, is not locked down etc. You could get yourself out there locally with hobbies or volunteering that might get you into the press or legitimately onto a noticeboard or website with your photo. That's all. He HAS to come to you. Or not.

Original poster
Workdate · 12/01/2024 21:07

Spomsored · 12/01/2024 21:02

If you did start a friendship with him shortly after having a professional relationship would that still be regarded badly by your employer? Might you be making yourself open to an accusation of impropriety?

Seems to me you would have to leave an appropriate gap before you nonchalantly turn up to the place you know he goes. Or hope he makes contact as he knows where and when you work.

I’m honestly not sure and I don’t know how to ask without being very obvious lol f my intentions.

I do think that if I happened to bump into him in 6 months+ time and a relationship developed from there, then they wouldn’t mind but my concern would absolutely be that they think that it started whilst he was a client.

The less time, the more they’re likely to think it started whilst he was a client.

OP posts:
WeveGotThis · 12/01/2024 21:07

Is it possible that part of the thrill of all this is the fact that you can't have him?

If he wants you enough he will find a way to make it happen once he's left by finding you on SM or similar. If he doesn't want you enough to do that and you're the one doing all the obsessing, you're risking your job for a fantasy of a relationship and someone who is not worth it. You can't make people fancy you if they don't already. I think don't act desperate, flirt too hard or break the rules because you'll regret it.

tachetastic · 12/01/2024 21:07

Workdate · 12/01/2024 18:46

I am very aware that I sound like a love smitten 12 year old!

There is a guy at my work who I have a massive crush on.
He is gorgeous and we get on very well.

I will not go in to too much detail as it’s outing but it is against the rules to have a relationship with clients.

I have kept the relationship professional and I have to be very careful about what I say because I could lose my job over it (no man is worth that), so there’s a big chance that he has no idea that I fancy him.

The issue is is that he’s leaving on Friday.

Once he leaves, it would be less frowned upon to have a relationship but we would have no way of contacting each other, unless we found one another on SM but both of us may think that it’s overstepping the mark.

I don’t know if he even likes me, so my first question is how would I know this?

My second question is what can I do to make him like me/ensure he knows I like him without it being unprofessional?

My third question is if it turns out we both like each other, how can we meet outside of work, without discussing it during work which is against the rules?

Let it go for now, then in about three months connect with him via LinkedIn, Facebook or whatever. Ask how he is getting on in his new role. Suggest meeting for coffee if he is ever nearby - don't ask him out but make clear you would be open to being asked.

Then leave it.

ireallycantthinkofaname · 12/01/2024 21:09

A relationship once he's no longer a client may/may not be appropriate (not enough info to say) but for you to make any advance whilst he still is, absolutely is not. Don't risk it.......he might be the kind of guy who chews with his mouth open or swerves in the car to hit cats. You have no idea and it's not worth risking your job over it.
Que sera sera.

2024GarlicCloves · 12/01/2024 21:10

I wasn't sure what to think about this. It's unusual for a service provider to lock interpersonals down this hard unless there's a definite risk, beyond reputational damage. A therapist, say, having a relationship with an EX-client might raise an eyebrow but it happens often enough - nobody gets fired.

If you were just teaching them archery or something, a staff-client relationship really wouldn't hurt anyone's reputation. Even if you work in sex services, I can't imagine it being seen as worse than a therapist following through, tbh.

So I'm as baffled as PPs here ... Then you wrote this:

We like many of the same things, even things that are quite unusual and we have regularly had discussions about our interests.
For example, we both enjoy reading certain genres and we’ve both bought the same book to read over the weekend and we’re going to catch up on Monday to discuss it.

It's a relationship red flag (or deep pink, at least). You only know each other in a professional sense, yet have managed to bond over shared niche interests. What are the odds, huh? You're reading the same book! Wow, it's fate! You must be star-crossed matched souls, and must overcome the obstacles to being together ...

I feel your work does create more potential for harm than you've indicated, and this is the very good reason for the blanket ban. I think you're being naïve and he's targeted you.

There's nothing stopping you going to one of the places/events he's 'accidentally' mentioned while bonding over all your mutual passions, where you'll both be all swoony over how it must've been 'meant'. But I wouldn't. I'd just enjoy the coming week's (contrived) simmering attraction and then get back to work as normal.

Original poster
Workdate · 12/01/2024 21:10

RagzRebooted · 12/01/2024 21:02

It does sound like he's into you and I get why you're torn. Problem is, if he's a nice guy he probably won't do anything like hang around outside your work or come and find you, as it seems a bit stalkerish (though in films it's romantic). Unless you make it obvious, which risks your job.

He seems like a very nice guy, which is great but it’s also unlikely that he’ll say anything flirty or as you say wait outside my work.

Some of the men get a bit laddish and he’s the type to remind them to act appropriately, so I can’t see him then turning around and acting what could be seen as inappropriate.

OP posts:
Mywingshurt · 12/01/2024 21:11

Could you not say "hey I'm going to be in x area on Saturday so I'm going to try your friends place for lunch seeing as you've talked it up, what do you recommend!?"

(made an assumption there but change times/day accordingly depending on what the business is etc)

See if he turns up?

Christmasnutcracker · 12/01/2024 21:12

It sounds inappropriate tbh

However, IF you get on well and its mutual, are you allowed to 'wonder aloud' or 'suddenly remember' something you saw on SM when you're chatting with him? If he is, the conversation can naturally develop and he will tell you his Facebook or Istagram details and if he isn't interested, he will simply say he's not on SM.
I don't know if thats against the guidelines?

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 12/01/2024 21:12

Go with a friend sometime to the place he mentioned. If he is glad to see you, then he won’t care if it’s stalkerish. If he seems freaked out just be totally blasé and say your friend suggested it and you didn’t know it was the same place. What are the chances etc. Then make your excuses.

Twilight7777 · 12/01/2024 21:14

Could you drop a note in his bag without him noticing? That way he knows you’re interested and there’s no pressure on his behalf if he decides not to pursue it.

Duh · 12/01/2024 21:16

Twilight7777 · 12/01/2024 21:14

Could you drop a note in his bag without him noticing? That way he knows you’re interested and there’s no pressure on his behalf if he decides not to pursue it.

What should it say? “Meet me behind the bike sheds.”

Don't do this OP!

I like the previous posters idea of saying you’ll be going to his friends place at a specific time and what would he recommend.

Knitgoodwoman · 12/01/2024 21:16

I’m going to guess as it’s not traditional healthcare, a prison, or just a normal PT situation (I imagine they can get with clients surely?!). My guess is military related!

TTCquestion · 12/01/2024 21:17

Hmmm…

I’d strike up a convo, starting with something about how new place.

I’d end with the line “I’d love to hear how it all goes for you… Perhaps we could exchange numbers.”

If you’ve got the balls: “Perhaps we could catch up for a coffee/drink.”