5 days to make him fancy me!

[Workdate]

I am very aware that I sound like a love smitten 12 year old!

There is a guy at my work who I have a massive crush on.
He is gorgeous and we get on very well.

I will not go in to too much detail as it’s outing but it is against the rules to have a relationship with clients.

I have kept the relationship professional and I have to be very careful about what I say because I could lose my job over it (no man is worth that), so there’s a big chance that he has no idea that I fancy him.

The issue is is that he’s leaving on Friday.

Once he leaves, it would be less frowned upon to have a relationship but we would have no way of contacting each other, unless we found one another on SM but both of us may think that it’s overstepping the mark.

I don’t know if he even likes me, so my first question is how would I know this?

My second question is what can I do to make him like me/ensure he knows I like him without it being unprofessional?

My third question is if it turns out we both like each other, how can we meet outside of work, without discussing it during work which is against the rules?

But was I right about you being a dancer @Workdate ?

I think so. Also the 'update' where OP says he does actually like her and approached OP's boss is a bit frankly.

She cannot stop you once he is no longer a client that is utter bullshit! What so how long for? Does she think she can enforce that forever so in 5 years time if u bumped into him you cannot possibly date because he was ONCE your client? Simply not true OP. I work in the NHS and of course it is against policy to date a patient but once they are no longer your patient it is your private life & no longer anything to do with the service. Best of luck with it! 😊

I think you are overcomplicating this. It sounds as though he may well like you (enquiries about your relationship status and telling you where he hangs out). Tell him a specific place that you are going to go and when. Make it somewhere that it would not be odd for him to show up at, like a popular event for your sport or something related to one of your shared interests. Also make a point of telling him how much you have enjoyed working with him / getting to know him, because men are stupid and can fail tp pick up on hints. Then wait to see if he shows up. That's probably the best you can do but it would likely work if he is genuinely interested.

So, pick it up after.

Boss can't say " she won't allow it"

when one or other of you are outside the work environment, it's got fk all to do with work.

That update is infuriating!!

Ok, so the only thing left is for you to go to that place he told you about. Did you say his friend ran it? Leave him a note, explaining that your boss told you you'd spoken to her but she wouldn't pass on your number, leave him your number and ask the owner to pass it onto him? Or go to that place quite a bit until you happen to bump into him?

Personally, if you both felt a connection, I would exhaust every opportunity to find him, otherwise, you'll always wonder what could have been.

There's nothing your employer can do as he's no longer a client, and there's no power imbalance/position of trust, or age issues.

I had a feeling he's already stopped using your workplace, but if you will actually see him again this week, you have to ask him very quietly to meet you at a particular place and time. Tell him that your boss won't give you his number but you want to meet him in a couple of weeks. It's your last chance. It's probably too dangerous to discreetly slip him your number, but quietly arranging a time and place is a possibility.

Ignore the rules, go behind your bosses back and just keep it secret, if the relationship works resign join a new company.?

You like him and he likes you ( ye both also sound nice) this could be your chance at love!!
He sounds like a decent guy

Your workplace sounds a bit bonkers based on what you have described. I think I would be happy to risk losing the job for a potentially great relationship.

No he’s definitely not famous!

It is a bit frustrating and I didn’t really say anything to my boss or ask too many questions, as I was trying not to grin too hard from finding out he liked me too but also not wanting her to think I would ever choose a man over my job.

Whats ironic is that she actually found her husband in the exact same way (before the rules came into effect), so I feel like how can you judge me when you did the same thing.

I don’t know what my next plan of action is tbh.
I’m not sure if I’ll mention it to him or not but I am not going to worry about knowing that I like him now and so I think I’ll do some flirting as appropriately as I can.

I think I’ll play it by ear and then perhaps just say the situation and see what he has to say about it or make it very obvious that I’m going to be in X place at Y time.

I'm bewildered that your boss can stop you pursuing a relationship with someone who is no longer your client. You've said you're not a nurse, doctor, therapist, or physiotherapist. I can't think of any other professions where striking up a relationship with a service user would be banned.

I must admit I find it really odd that he went to management and asked them to give out his number?
Of course they won’t condone that, it’s a can of worms to set that as a precedent.

Youve been vague about your role but if there’s a chance that his sports team will use your company’s services again then it’s a no go. Do you have to write a report on him after treatment? Again, this muddies the waters.
And how awkward if he does return in the future and things ended badly between you. 😳

Its perhaps worth keeping your feet on the ground and not getting carried away.
I think calling this an “amazing connection” is a bit intense when you don’t know him outside of the professional setting.

Lots of posters will egg you on and get excited about your thread turning into a romance story. I’m not sure they’d care if you lost your job or were hauled up for a disciplinary.

Tread carefully- your boss is now aware that you overstepped whilst treating a client - enough that other colleagues noticed and commented and enough that he was aware of your emotional connection and was confident you’d want to take things further.
They may be keeping a closer eye on your conduct.

In short- sorry to be a “party pooper” but don’t lose your head over this fella - stay professional! 😊

If you got sacked for meeting him now he's no longer a client how would it stand up at tribunal?

I note you still haven’t answered my Q of whether you’re a dancer @Workdate !

@SmileyClare is right that management wouldn’t and shouldn’t want to get involved in any way. I’m surprised he didn’t leave it until the last day to ask, I believe he’s there until Fri? Doing it today makes it a bigger thing.

Absolutely don’t suggest anything to him while you’re at work. Management will be paying closer attention now he said this. And it’s unprofessional.

Classic MN. It'll end in tears this one.

To everyone saying this is unprofessional, I've read all OP's replies and it sounds perfectly fine. I wouldn't risk my job for it but the men aren't vulnerable and are there out of choice.

Honestly, who would aim to finish an entire book in a weekend just so they can talk about it with someone else on Monday unless they liked them? Whether that was in a romantic way or friendship. You wouldn't do it for just some random member of staff (unless you happen to read at the speed of lighting and can polish off a book in an afternoon) but even then!

I personally think he likes you, I would maybe say you wanted to go check out his friend's cafe for "x meal on x day) and what would he recommend? Go with a friend and hope he gets the hint

Her boss is never going to actually say she condones it even if she does ( as OP said, that’s how she met her own partner) maybe she just wanted to pass the message on and let OP decide herself what to do, If I were her boss I would just turn a blind eye to it if I knew, what difference would it make to her, she probably has to say she wouldn’t condone it as part of a ‘tick box’ thing..

Oooooh 😮 how exciting!
God he is so proper, it's kind of hot (sorry) 😆

To everyone saying this is unprofessional, I've read all OP's replies and it sounds perfectly fine. I wouldn't risk my job for it but the men aren't vulnerable and are there out of choice.

Then you’re naive about what professionalism is. For a start, it’s following certain professional conduct rules and your company’s rules.

The OP giving out her number or dropping hints to him this week when he’s still a client and she’s only seeing him, literally, in her workplace is against the rules. Therefore, it’s unprofessional. Very simple.

I can't see how it's appropriate if it's a job 'like an OT or PT'. That indicates some kind of therapy surely?

I still think that if the OP was in a role where it was ethical then she'd have said what it was.

I do think she is worried about the image and outside influencers and if it was just her, she would be a lot more laid back.

I guess it also opens a can of worms because if she condones it and then something goes wrong with us or another colleague, then she may feel she is to blame as I could turn around and say well she said it’s ok.

I don’t know what the actual consequences would be if it’s outside of work and so I’m going to tread very lightly for a while.

For everyone involved (including myself), I am purposely trying to remain as vague as possible.

I understand that it’s frustrating because it’s more difficult to give advice but I don’t want a thread asking for advice to backfire on me or anyone else.

Another way then of putting it @Workdate is, are you obliged to follow a code of practice by a professional body?

@workdate Can you tell him in private your boss told you, you fancy him back and if you met under other circumstances you'd go on a date? Even if it's not possible/ appropriate for either of you to ever take things further it might make his day !

@Workdate I think say that you’ve spoken to your boss but you still have to be professional however you’ll be X place at X time on Friday if he’s around. Then just keep things quiet for a while and see how it progresses. If you have a really good, mutual connection then you should go for it - your boss can’t control your private life, as long as you haven’t crossed any boundaries inside of work.